Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling upset, but couldn’t pinpoint why?
Sometimes, people use subtle language designed to make you doubt yourself, without you even realizing it.
I’ve been there, feeling trapped and unheard, all because of manipulative words covered in harmless phrases.
But once I knew what those phrases were, it was like someone gave me a shield.
Now, I pass this shield on to you. Let’s reveal the seven phrases that manipulative people use to undermine those around them. Armed with this knowledge, you will protect yourself from feeling helpless again.
1) “You’re too sensitive.”
Oh, the classic “You’re too sensitive” line. How many times have you heard this, especially when you expressed discomfort or disagreement with something?
This can really make you doubt yourself, wondering if you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.
But the truth is that the person saying this phrase is belittling your feelings. They paint your reactions as an exaggerated spectacle, which makes it easier for them to dismiss what you say.
It’s a sneaky way to shift the spotlight away from their rude or insensitive comments and onto you.
Don’t fall into the trap. Your feelings are your feelings. It is valid, and no one has the right to call it “too much.”
Stand your ground and let them know that their actions, not your reactions, are the issue at hand.
2) “Don’t you trust me?”
Imagine this: A friend wants to borrow a large sum of money from you. When you hesitate or ask for more details about what it’s for, they surprise you with, “Don’t you trust me?”
Suddenly the tables turned. Instead of them having to justify their questionable actions, you are now on the defensive, feeling like you have violated some unspoken agreement.
That’s exactly what this phrase is designed to do – an excellent example of manipulation.
Trust is not a free pass for someone to do whatever they want without explanation. It is a mutual understanding built on honesty and integrity.
Questioning someone’s actions or intentions does not mean that you inherently distrust them; It means you are taking care of yourself and making an informed decision, which is your right.
So, if someone tries to corner you with this phrase, don’t let it derail you. Stand your ground and remember that asking for transparency is not a violation of trust, but it is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
If they can’t understand it, the answer to their question is “Apparently, I’m sorry to say I can’t.”
3) “If you really loved me, you would…”
This has a particularly profound impact, because it almost always comes from someone very close to you – whether a partner, a parent, a child or a very close friend.
By saying, “If you really loved me, you would…”, this person is linking your feelings and love for someone to a specific action. In other words, they make it seem like your love is up for discussion.
She’s shocked me before, and it’s hard to stand up to her.
But you have to remember that love is not a bargaining chip, or something that can be used to achieve what you want.
True love means respecting each other’s opinions and finding compromise, not emotionally blackmailing someone into submission.
A good way to respond to this is to say to them: “I love you, and I can’t do what you ask.” One thing is not mutually exclusive – and just because you love them doesn’t mean you have to give in to anything they want.
4) “Everyone agrees with me.”
Through this manipulation tactic, a person is trying to use the power of the majority. This is a very powerful idea, as studies have shown that people will go against what they believe in in order to fit in with the crowd.
Below is an example of what this could look like. You’re in a meeting at work, and you disagree with the direction the project is taking. You speak out loud and share your concerns, and the person dismisses you, saying, “Well, everyone agrees with me.”
Instead of addressing your points, they make you feel isolated, as if you’re the odd one out who doesn’t see things a certain way.
But there is a good chance that this is not the case. Many other people may be thinking the same thing, but are too afraid to speak up.
Even if this were not the case, the mere popularity of a view does not make it true. History is full of examples of majority error, from the belief that the Earth is flat to more recent social injustices.
So, if you find yourself on the receiving end of this dismissive statement, don’t let it affect you. Be sure to express your opinion no matter how many people disagree with you, just make sure to be polite and non-conflicting.
5) “I did this for you.”
“I did this for you” can make you feel both in debt and guilty at the same time. It is as if someone has wrapped a “service” in shiny paper, revealing that it is actually a ticking time bomb of obligations.
One of my dear friends spent a long time in a relationship where her ex-husband was manipulating her in this way, and it was heartbreaking to see.
They met abroad when they were doing training, and when he finished, he decided to move to her country in order to stay with her.
What a great gesture of love, isn’t it? Well, maybe that was until he started using it as a tool for manipulation. “I left my family and friends, sold my car, quit my job, and had to learn a new language…”
Whenever it suited him, he used it as a reason to make her do something for him or agree with him.
She even felt trapped in the relationship for so long because of it, and felt obligated to stay with him in light of all the things he kept reminding her of and what he did for her.
If you hear these words, move with caution. It may be difficult, but make it clear that although you appreciate the gesture, you did not ask for it and are not obligated to reciprocate. True kindness is selflessness, not a down payment on a favor.
6) “I never said that.”
earing someone say, “I never said that” can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality — and that’s exactly the point.
They may completely deny that they said something. This is a classic example of gaslighting, a manipulative tactic that makes you doubt your perceptions and memories.
Or it could be more subtle, the way my ex-boyfriend used to do it. Aside from what I mentioned above, he handled their conversations like a lawyer.
“I didn’t say XYZ… I said YZX. That’s completely different.” He would miss small differences in wording or tone.
Obviously my friend isn’t a robot with a perfect memory, so she can’t repeat his words verbatim – which wasn’t the point. It was the general idea of what was said, which her ex-husband tried to deflect himself from.
He wasn’t trying to solve the problem at hand, he was trying to control the narrative. Once he made her doubt herself, he got the upper hand.
If you encounter this tactic, stay on the ground. Trust your instincts and memory. If necessary, keep records of important conversations, whether it’s a quick note on your phone or saved text messages.
These can serve as an anchor to reality, helping you stand firm against attempts to rewrite history.
7) “Let’s not talk about this now.”
Finally, we have the tactical retreat – “let’s not talk about this now.”
It may appear respectful and considerate on the surface, as if a person is concerned about the appropriate timing in addressing a sensitive topic.
Or they may say it with an air of superiority, as if you’re the one who’s bossing you around and bringing up inappropriate topics.
Either way, the hidden agenda is the same: avoid uncomfortable truths.
The problem with “let’s not talk about this now” is that “now” can extend indefinitely until the end, where the issue is buried so deeply that it is almost forgotten—except by you.
The next time someone avoids a conversation this way, don’t shut up. Politely insist that the issue is important and needs to be addressed. If not now then when?
By standing your ground, you can help ensure that important conversations aren’t permanently postponed.
Stop letting others manipulate you
I’m willing to bet you don’t want to be manipulated by others – and now you know 7 phrases to watch out for to prevent that from happening.
These phrases can come out of the mouths of even people very close to us.
This doesn’t automatically make them bad people – we all make mistakes or say things in the heat of the moment.
But whatever the situation, the best thing you can do for everyone involved is to recognize these manipulative statements and not let them undermine you, consciously or unconsciously.
