How do empaths protect themselves from narcissists?
It’s no secret that Empaths feel they must save the world. And when they are being manipulated by a narcissist, that sense of obligation becomes their whole identity because the narcissist plays the victim of transgression.
What a heavy weight we carry when we decide to shoulder the burden of someone else’s choices in life.
Empaths must acknowledge that narcissists are troubled. When we support them, we are either intentionally or unintentionally supporting a lie, because the person we think we are helping does not exist. While that fact alone is hard to swallow, here are seven painful truths all empaths must finally face about narcissists.
1 – A narcissist is not a tortured soul who needs a special kind of love
Almost every empath who has been in a relationship with a narcissist believed that if they could only show them how deep their unconditional love goes to the narcissist, the narcissist would finally have an epiphany as they realized that there was a special and rare kind of love available to them, after all.
Empathic love certainly has its therapeutic qualities, but it does nothing to change the narcissist’s behavior or motivations in the relationship. Narcissists are morally bankrupt individuals who do not appreciate the things others do for them. Instead, they feel completely deserving of any love and devotion directed toward them. Almost everyone the narcissist has been involved with has given them this unconditional love, but unfortunately, narcissists consider this love and devotion to be disposable.
2 – Although everyone admires and appreciates your compassionate nature, it also makes you very attractive to narcissists
If everyone in the world boasted about the qualities of empathy, we would live in a utopia. But, unfortunately, the world is full of manipulators who seek out and take advantage of people who have empathy personality traits, such as:
Take criticism seriously, and think about how their words and actions affect others.
Being highly empathetic, having the ability to sense the feelings of others and respond instinctively in ways that help those in need.
Have a high level of tolerance and embrace the beliefs, practices, and lifestyles of others.
Narcissists seek cooperation and compassion in their partners because they know they do not have these traits at a basic level, and overly cooperative partners will put in the work of two people to keep the relationship going, projecting their desirable traits onto the narcissist, thus filling in the growing gaps to make the relationship feel more normal.
This high level of cooperation is the most important trait narcissists look for in partners because they intuitively know that these partners will stay in the relationship with them beyond reasonable limits. [1]
3 – The narcissist doesn’t care about your innermost thoughts
Empaths are deep thinkers who possess highly developed perspectives on people and the world. It’s hard to find anything that makes empathy feel more alive than finding a kindred spirit to share their unique thoughts and opinions with.
Narcissists put on a good show, pretending to be enlightened and advanced in modern philosophies, but the truth of their close-minded dogmas is eventually discovered which severely breaks the empath’s heart. Even worse, once the relationship begins to deteriorate, the narcissist will usually ridicule and mock his sympathetic views and theories.
4 – Despite the initial attraction, the narcissist is not your soul mate
Urban Dictionary defines a soul mate as follows:
The person you have a direct connection with the moment you meet – a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong, and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have loved anyone before. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, bringing you a sense of peace, calm, and happiness when you are around him.
While soulmates may help you develop, they are neither blatantly cruel nor use others for their agendas.
Soulmates can be anyone… a friend, family member, or even your barista. The one thing to know about soulmates…they vibrate at the same energetic frequency as you and they love you unconditionally. They see you as a unique and strong person, which makes you feel really special… even if the relationship doesn’t last.
This does not describe narcissists in the least.
Case in point, I was once in a relationship with a guy who turned out to be quite a narcissist. At the beginning of the relationship, he wrote poetry for me and made frequent references to the Song of Songs. I was completely smitten and immersed in the fantasy of it all. I was sure we were soul mates.
About two years later, when things started to sour, I was cleaning out one of the closets in our shared dorm and found a flash drive tucked away in an old cigarette case. I’m not a snooping person, but there was just something about this flash drive that called to me. I debated myself for a while and finally decided to see what it was. It’s not my nature to meddle and we’ve been together for over two years at that point and I’ve never felt the need to dig around for any kind of incriminating evidence.
There was a flash drive, however, that lured me in an almost supernatural way. I picked it up and went to my office with it.
I was hoping to find old articles from his college days or a paper he had completed for one of his books. Instead, I found profiles and emails from various dating sites he had visited before we met. Almost every email he sent to other women included a reference to the Song of Solomon.
Moral of the story: Don’t convince yourself that someone is your soul mate until you’ve been with them for some time and they’ve earned your trust. Just because someone says things that make you giddy and you seem attached to them doesn’t mean they’re being honest. Narcissists are creatures of the economy. This is why they often take new sources of supply to the same restaurants and vacation spots that the two of you used to frequent together.
Likely, something that seems poetic and unique to you is just something narcissists use with all their new sources of supply.
5 The narcissist is not the “hostility” in what you thought was a twin flame relationship
Many empaths mistake the imbalance in the undercurrents of a relationship with a narcissist as that of a flame antagonist/chaser dynamic.
Narcissists capitalize on this misconception, using it as a large window of opportunity to disappear from the empath until they can set up another supply or generally live on their terms, which includes pretending to be in a progressive, committed relationship, all while secretly living one person’s life behind the empath’s back.
Narcissists excuse themselves for this subtle behavior by claiming that they love empathy too much and are afraid of the depth of their love, which is why they feel inclined to “run.”
6 Even if you and the narcissist made contracts together before this age, you must accept the necessity of moving on without them
In the spiritual scheme of things, many people believe that narcissists are placed in our lives to help us develop into healing, universe-aware individuals. I believe in this too.
However, while this may be true, we must recognize when the time has come to sever those bonds and covenants with the narcissist, which feels devastating to any empathetic individual with strong moral codes.
Whereas empaths want to soothe the narcissist’s pain and help them feel safe, the narcissist simply wants to sap the energy of empathic empathy like fuel to an engine.
Even after a relationship ends, active relationships remain, despite the
