7 little-known psychological tricks to disarm a narcissist

Is there someone in your life who has narcissistic tendencies?

If you’re interested in learning how to disarm them, you probably have. And it can be hard, right?

In theory, we probably all know that narcissists are known for being nasty and toxic, and it’s best to avoid them at all costs. In reality, though, it’s not always realistic to cut someone out of your life entirely.

Whether it’s a family member, a coworker, a neighbor, or even a close friend or partner, if you can’t cut them out, you’ll need to learn how to deal with them.

With that in mind, today we’re sharing 7 little-known psychological tricks that will help you disarm a narcissist.

Have you tried any of these before?

Let’s get started.

1) Understand Their Tactics

So you want to disarm a narcissist? Well, the first thing you need to do is understand their tactics.

Don’t forget that narcissists act the way they do because it serves them—they get what they want. By understanding what they do and why, you can begin to take their power away.

Do your research. Get to know the narcissist’s mind. It’s like learning the playbook of your opposing team. Then you can start developing counter-tactics that will work.

Think about this: Narcissists may appear to the untrained eye to be selfish, arrogant, and attention-seeking. The truth is that many people with narcissistic tendencies lack self-esteem, are insecure, and have an intense fear of being vulnerable.

The reality is quite different from what you think. Truly understanding narcissists and their tactics improves your chances of successfully dealing with them.

2) Don’t Try to Fix Them

Whenever my old neighbor saw a girl dating a difficult guy, he would say, “Well, she sure likes the project.” I later found out what he meant.

This expression refers to a woman who enters a relationship to fix her partner rather than accept him for who he is.

This brings us to our next lesson in disarming a narcissist. You need to realize that “narcissism is a complex personality construct, and most scientists believe that it has multiple dimensions,” as Psychology Today puts it.

It’s not something that can be fixed. Nothing you can do will “cure” this person of their narcissistic tendencies.

Instead of trying to change them, focus on the things you can do to address them and reduce their negative impact on you.

3) Take Action When Boundaries Are Violated

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’ve probably noticed that they regularly ignore boundaries, right? I recently realized that a college friend of mine had some narcissistic tendencies.

Let me explain: She had a habit of showing up late, and I mean an hour or more late.

On winter mornings, she’d offer to drive me to college and I’d gladly accept. She’d go anyway, which saved me the walk in the rain. But a pattern emerged: She’d show up 45 minutes or more late, and I’d miss class as a result.

When I told her that if she didn’t leave by 9 a.m., I would just walk so I wouldn’t miss class, she said I wasn’t grateful for the ride. But she promised to be on time next time.

But she never did. My mistake was that although I tried to set boundaries, I never stuck to them. And I didn’t take action when they ignored her.

Everyone knows how to set boundaries with narcissists, but one of the hallmarks of narcissism is that they don’t respect other people’s boundaries, so they’re more likely to cross them. In this case, you need to uphold those boundaries and take action if they’re crossed. This is the key to disarming a narcissist.

Only when they realize that their actions will have consequences will they see any behavior change.

4) Limit Sharing Personal Information

Most of us remember how we felt when our best friends betrayed us in high school, telling everyone a secret we shared with them, right?

We end up feeling vulnerable, exposed, and isolated. That’s what a narcissist does to you if you share anything personal with them. You feel like they’re a trustworthy friend at the time, but they’ll use that against you later.

Sharing personal information can make us feel vulnerable. Manipulation requires vulnerability to work, so they’ll use that vulnerability to draw you in and build trust with you. Then, later on, they’ll use what they know about you to manipulate you.

Keep your stuff to yourself. The less they know about you, the less they can manipulate you.

This makes it much easier to stay emotionally detached, which leads us to our next trick.

5) Stay Emotionally Detached

Have you ever wondered how narcissists are so good at manipulating the people around them?

They have a knack for drawing people in by playing on their emotions. Once they can elicit an emotional response from you, they can take control of the situation and put you where they want you.

Once you feel like you are justifying, arguing, defending, or explaining yourself to the narcissist, you have already lost.

The best way to combat this is to remain emotionally detached. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into this emotional cycle. If you can do this, the narcissist will struggle to control the situation and will lose his power.

RELATED:7 little-known psychological tricks to outsmart a narcissist

This is easier said than done and you may need to work on developing your emotional intelligence to be able to implement it.

6) Use the “Grey Rock” Method

A man I worked with a few years ago made me the butt of every joke. At first, I would laugh along with him but the more I did it, the more cruel his jokes became.

I realized that despite his arrogant appearance, he had no self-esteem, so instead of belittling him in front of everyone, I simply decided to deprive him of any ammunition he could use against me.

I made myself look as boring as possible to him. I didn’t share anything about my personal life, my weekend activities, or my past experiences. Whenever he talked to me, even when he was being nice, I gave him as little as possible.

This worked. It wasn’t long before he lost interest in me and moved on. I later discovered that this method is known as the “Grey Rock” method.

Unfortunately, narcissists sometimes put others down just to make themselves feel better. While this is not your fault, if this happens to you, you need to take action to stop it. The “Grey Rock” method is a simple but effective way to deal with a narcissist.

7) Be completely clear and focus on the facts, not the emotions

We’ve already touched on the fact that narcissists use manipulation as one of their dominant tactics to gain control and get what they want.

The truth is: that manipulation relies heavily on the presence of emotions to be effective. If you can remove the emotion, it makes it extremely difficult for the narcissist to successfully manipulate you.

But how?

Focus on the facts, not how you feel. Think of yourself as a detective gathering evidence; the only thing that matters is the cold, hard facts.

Here’s the thing: by being crystal clear and focusing only on the facts, it becomes much harder for a narcissist to twist your words and gain the upper hand.

It’s a little-known trick to disarm a narcissist because as humans, most of us are driven by emotion, sometimes even at odds with rational behavior. It’s not easy, but if you can do it, it’s a game changer.

The bottom line

We’re all likely to encounter some narcissistic people in our lives, but knowing these tricks will help you minimize their negative impact on you.

A word of warning: It’s not easy to gain the upper hand with a narcissist. It will take persistence and practice, but if you get good at these seven tricks, narcissists won’t be able to influence you.