Myths About Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Don’t be fooled by the fake news about narcissists floating around the internet. By Elinor Greenberg

When I first started reading about narcissists and narcissists on the Internet, I quickly realized that a lot of the information being shared was wrong. People without mental health credentials would label all kinds of ex-boyfriends and abusive ex-parents as narcissists without having a clear idea of what that diagnosis meant. Their descriptions of narcissistic personality disorder were often so exaggerated and unrealistic that they made narcissists sound like either comic book villains or superheroes.

Here are some of the comments I’ve seen repeated over and over as if they were completely true:

• “Narcissists are all evil demons who prey on empathetic people to destroy their lives.”
• “You can’t resist a narcissist because they’re all incredibly confident, sexy, and master manipulators.”
• “All narcissists cheat.”
• “Psychotherapy does not work on narcissists.”

A variety of these myths about narcissists have been accepted as the truth because they are repeated over and over again on the Internet. In this article, I will describe seven common myths about narcissistic personality disorder that I have encountered time and time again.

Some myths have been suggested as fact by experts on narcissism. A few very great narcissists without proper mental health degrees or training have decided that they are the true experts on narcissistic personality disorder and that their insights are much better than those of qualified mental health experts.

These self-designed experts have produced hundreds of videos and blogs spreading a lot of misinformation and confusion. These videos and articles sometimes contain a few helpful insights about NPD buried inside a pile of complicated claims and assumptions.

The truth is sadder and simpler. Narcissists are people who lack emotional empathy, cannot see themselves and others in a realistic, stable, and integral way (not having complete relationships with objects), are incredibly focused on achieving value and status, and who have adapted to their early upbringing by developing Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

They overestimate their own abilities, idealize or envy people who are more successful or of higher status, and devalue anyone who criticizes them or believes is below them in any status hierarchy that they value.

While some people with NPD are quite talented and can do well in certain work environments, narcissistic personality disorder severely limits their ability to form mutually satisfying relationships with others. Their life is a long search for external validation and perfection.

Note: I am using the terms narcissistic, narcissistic, and NPD as an acronym to describe someone who qualifies for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Why are these descriptions far from reality?

As humans, we use some common tools in our attempt to understand the strange behavior of others. In the case of narcissists, we tend to project our value system onto them and imagine that their motivations will be similar to what ours would be if we did what they do. Usually, this is done by people who are in a bad relationship, feel offended by their mate, boyfriend, boss, or parent, and do their best to try to understand what is going on.

Other common types of myths I encounter about narcissism are myths that dehumanize narcissists. Unfortunately, the average person only sees the behaviors and never guesses the underlying problems these behaviors are intended to address. Here are some examples:

Read : The Narcissistic Parent: 5 Signs You Were Raised By One

Myth 1: All narcissists are extremely sure of themselves.

The truth is that what appears to be narcissistic grandiosity and self-confidence is a thin defensive façade that is an attempt to impress others, stabilize their fluctuating self-esteem, manage their self-doubt, and ward off feelings of shame and embarrassment. self-loathing

Myth 2: All narcissists intend to hurt those close to them.

The truth is, narcissists are often oblivious to the damage they cause. They are trying to satisfy their emotional and practical needs. Much of the harm they cause is simply collateral damage rather than their intent. Their goal is to obtain narcissistic supplies or to defend themselves from what they perceive as destructive attacks on their self-esteem and sense of importance.

Myth 3: All narcissists are immoral.

The truth is that narcissists differ a lot in their standards of behavior. I know people who never cheat on their mates and others who are liars and engage in compulsive sexual behavior.

Myth 4: All narcissists are master manipulators.

The truth is, while I’ve met some narcissists who are good long-term planners and great at manipulating others, they’re as rare as great chess players — and not much different from them. Most narcissists are like children who learn by trial and error how to get what they want from their parents. They take advantage of the other person’s desire to give in to them. If you have firm boundaries of your own, pay attention to what’s going on, and don’t question your judgment; You will likely see right through most narcissists’ attempts to manipulate you.

Myth 5: All narcissists are like vampires, predators, or demons.

The truth is, narcissists are people just like us. Narcissists need other people to validate them to maintain their sense of self-worth. Their disorder causes them to be insensitive to the feelings and needs of those around them. They lack emotional empathy and are self-centered. This combination of neediness + insensitivity + self-centeredness often causes people with a narcissistic personality disorder to be excessively selfish and individualistic in their pursuit of what they want.

Myth #6: All narcissists are bad.

The truth is that narcissists may act in harmful ways, but they are not inherently evil. They are bad in intimate relationships, but many of them do a great deal of good in the world. Many hospitals, libraries, cultural institutions, and schools are supported by exhibitionist narcissists who get their narcissistic supply from doing good deeds. All they ask in return is that the hospital ward or theater display their names prominently.

Myth 7: All narcissists are charming.

The truth is that while some narcissists can be superficially charming when you first meet them, others are just plain boring and annoying. Hot people are good at telling stories that make their lives look great and are likely to know how to make a good first impression. Their charm wears off after you hear them tell the same stories over and over, realize they have no interest in your life, and use the same tactics with everyone they meet.

As one of my clients put it to me: “I thought I was so special to him because he sent me beautiful cards for my birthday and so many other occasions. But then when I was at his house and opened a drawer to look for a pen, I found stacks of the same cards he had sent me.”