Are you looking for warning signs of a toxic relationship because you’re wondering if you’re in a relationship with a toxic person? All relationships are vulnerable to relationship problems. However, when these relationship problems are constant and never resolved, you are no longer in a healthy relationship but have become an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes, when we are in a relationship, we are very close to recognizing the signs that the relationship has turned into something harmful. Our friends and family tell us about it but it’s hard for us to recognize it because we face it every day. You should know the red flags in unhealthy relationships so that you can know if your relationship is one and if it is time to get out.
Here are 6 undeniable red flags that indicate your relationship is too toxic
- Contempt
One of the hardest things to recognize, but one of the biggest red flags, is the presence of disdain in a relationship. Contempt is defined as “the feeling that a person is not worthy of attention, is worthless, or is worthy of contempt.” Signs of contempt include eye rolling, unkind words, sarcasm, and rejection. Contempt can be difficult to recognize because it can be easily interpreted. “Oh, I deserve it,” “He’s just a geek,” or “He was showing off to his friends” are excuses often used to justify disdain.
Think about your interactions with your person. Is there contempt? Do one, the other, or both of you talk to each other sarcastically? Do you talk behind each other’s backs? Do you roll your eyes when your partner tries to make a point? The number one killer of relationships is contempt. When people treat each other with disdain, respect disappears in the relationship. Without respect, nothing else matters. So, take a close look at how you and your partner treat each other. If there is contempt – contempt that causes pain – your relationship is likely toxic.
Related: Lazy people who become highly disciplined often practice these 7 simple habits
- Mania
Many of my clients in toxic relationships (and there are a lot of them) suffer from an obsession with their partners. They want their partners to be in constant contact. They stress when their texting habits change in any way. They give up everything in their life to be with their person. They roll themselves into pastries to please the other.
Healthy relationships depend on the mutual ability to respect and trust each other. If one partner is obsessed with the other partner, and if he rearranges his life so that he is always available to his partner, then the relationship is not balanced or healthy. Obsession is toxic, and an unhealthy attachment to someone can only cause pain. So, if one partner in your relationship is obsessed with the other, your relationship may be very toxic and it may be time to make a change.
- Hurtful words
Do you or your partner verbally attack each other? Do words spoken – whether quietly or in anger – cause pain? Is the language full of profanity, words that belittle you and make you feel much less than that? Words are not meant to inflict pain. Words can express anger and disappointment, but they should not cause pain, make you feel bad about yourself, or show disrespect. I notice. If you or your partner frequently raise your voices and cause pain, instead of expressing feelings, you may be in a toxic relationship.
Related: 10 types of people in life you simply cannot trust, according to psychology
- Physical pain
In movies and television, we often see people being physically abused by their partners. Nicole Kidman’s character in Big Little Lies is repeatedly physically abused by her partner, but she is quick to excuse this behavior and, more often than not, blames herself. Any physical pain experienced by a partner is a sign of a toxic relationship. Healthy relationships do not involve physical pain of any kind. The words can be said in anger but not sarcastically and certainly not involving any physical pain. If your partner is hurting you, or you are hurting your partner, and you are causing each other physical pain, you are definitely in a toxic relationship.
- Possession
One big indicator of a toxic relationship is when one partner controls the other. One of my clients had a partner who had complete control over her actions. He dictated whether she could go to school or not, who her friends were, how she should dress when intimate, and what to eat for every meal. He also told her that he was the only one allowed to end the relationship. I took everything for granted and assumed that this was how relationships were. Yes No. For many people, the way they deal with stress is by drinking alcohol, using drugs, and over- or under-eating. All of these things help relieve the pain we’re dealing with, at least temporarily.
Unfortunately, these things end up making us feel bad.
Alcohol and drugs only exacerbate mental and physical health problems. Eating too much or undereating can lead to self-loathing and health problems related to malnutrition.
Bad habits may seem good in the short term, but they will only make us sicker.
If you find that your toxic relationship is causing you to develop bad habits that make you feel bad about yourself, it may be time to step away from the relationship and work on getting healthy again.
Knowing how and why a toxic relationship can make you sick is an excellent way to evaluate whether or not you want to get out of it.
If you realize that your relationship is toxic, you are looking for some way to recognize it and deal with it.
Linking your toxic relationship to the physical and mental struggles you’ve been experiencing recently may give you an extra push to get out.
So, if you are struggling with mental or physical health issues, feeling self-isolated and self-doubt, and find yourself using drugs, it is very likely that your relationship is sick.
Is there someone worth ruining your health for? I don’t think so!
If you are experiencing domestic violence, you are not alone.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that approximately 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States. More than 12 million women and men suffer from domestic violence and abuse throughout the year.
Experiencing domestic violence can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines domestic violence, domestic abuse, or relationship abuse as “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another person in an intimate relationship.” Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender can experience domestic violence. According to the NDVH, approximately 3 in 10 women and 1 in 10 men in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by a partner.
People in healthy relationships don’t try to control the other person. People in healthy relationships give each other the freedom to live their lives and be their person. People who control everything their partner does are the ones who create toxicity and discord in the relationship. Have you been given the freedom to be who you want to be in your relationship? If not, your relationship may be toxic and you need to recognize it.
Related: 10 behaviors that make people resent you almost instantly, according to psychology
- Mixed messages
Another hard-to-detect indicator of a toxic relationship is mixed messages. Mixed messages are messages that go one way and then another. Maybe your guy says he’s done with you and then comes back to be with you again. Repeatedly. Or maybe your guy says he loves you in that red dress but then makes fun of you in front of his friends. Maybe they tell you they love you and then treat you horribly.
Mixed messages are incredibly difficult and confusing. Many women hold on to the positive things said and leave out the negative ones, thus justifying why they want to stay in the relationship. But the person who is sending you mixed messages is someone who doesn’t love you and is someone who, if you stay involved with him, will only cause you sadness and pain. In a healthy relationship, two people love each other without exception. Sure, things can turn upside down sometimes. But the mutual respect and admiration is still there. No one makes the other feel bad because of their flip-flopping emotions and yo-yo behaviors.
Is your relationship affected by mixed messages? If so, then you definitely may be in a toxic relationship! Knowing the warning signs of a toxic relationship is a very important part of a happy life. Often, when we are in the middle of conflict, it can be difficult to see the truth. Others may tell us they see warning signs, but it can be difficult for us to see them, too. Hopefully, now that the red flags have been pointed out here—the contempt, the obsession, the harsh words, the physical pain, the possessiveness, the mixed messages—you’ll be able to more clearly tell whether or not your relationship is healthy or not! If not, get out now before it’s too late. You only have one life. live it!
