There are countless articles about the different types of toxic people, such as psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. These shady characters use complex manipulation techniques such as gaslighting to take advantage of their victims. But what about those who make you feel bad about yourself without intending to?
Such people are more common than evil manipulators with personality disorders. However, there is much less information about it on the web.
Yes, some individuals can be toxic and manipulative and not even know it. It’s part of their nature, an inherent talent if you like. Sometimes, they develop their manipulative abilities as a result of unhealthy upbringing and childhood trauma as well.
So who are these toxic people and what are the roots of their behavior?
6 types of toxic people who often turn out to be involuntary manipulators
Let’s take a look at the possible causes of unintentionally toxic behavior and the types of people most likely to experience it.
- The complainants
When you are a negative thinker, you always focus on the worst aspects of everything. You think about problems and worry a lot, sometimes for the most insignificant reasons. You are vulnerable to negative emotions such as sadness, frustration, and anxiety. At some point, all of this becomes unbearable, so you begin to displace negativity from others. You become a bitter whiner who is hard to deal with. After all, who wants to be around someone who constantly complains and gets discredited about everything?
Most of the time, you don’t mean to spoil everyone’s mood. Unfortunately, this toxic behavior is a natural consequence of your problems. The truth is that some negative and unhappy people have an unconscious need to see others unhappy as well because it brings them relief. When they make you feel bad, they are not alone in their misery.
- The envious
Some people’s life is a sheer failure, or at least they think it is. Everyone seems to be doing better than they are — having a happier marriage, being more successful in their careers, living in a bigger house, etc. This list can be endless because a jealous person will always find something to envy.
Thus, this type of toxic person can make you feel uncomfortable by showing jealousy overtly (which is less likely) or indirectly. For example, they may say sad things or give you a backhanded compliment. As a result, they manipulate you into feeling bad about having the things they lack or succeeding where they failed.
- Needles
I bet you have a friend or family member who asks for favors often. This may be a person who is constantly in trouble. Their finances are constantly on the brink of collapse, their relationships are messy, and the entire world is against them. Yes, these guys don’t look toxic at all and seem to have the worst luck in the world!
Therefore, they need your help to get through the hardships that life throws at them so insistently. They make you feel like you are the only one who can save them from their misery. For example, they may ask you to borrow some money or help them find a job.
guess what? They will never get out of trouble, with or without your help. Whatever problem those in need face, they will always turn to others for help. This type of toxic person can’t deal with their problems alone.
- The judges
These are the individuals who always know what is right and wrong for you. They firmly believe they already know best. So be prepared because the judges will give you the advice you never asked for. They may become unkind with their remarks, too.
They have no idea about other people’s boundaries, so they may become invasive and controlling. The judges will also downplay your accomplishments and focus on the things that went wrong. No matter how well you do, getting their approval and praising them is not enough. These types of toxic people can make you feel bad about yourself and your life with their constant criticism and judgmental attitude about everything.
- Consent seekers
Having self-esteem issues does not automatically make you manipulative or hurtful. However, people with a damaged sense of self often become involuntary but toxic manipulators.
An insecure person may turn manipulative when they have an excessive need for approval. This unhealthy need may turn them into attention beggars, too. Thus, they may be trying to phish for compliments, that is, saying self-deprecating things to get your reassurance that they are more competent, attractive, and talented than they say they are.
Consent seekers fuel your attention and empathy. They are kind of emotional parasites who starve without praise and social validation. So they will look for subconscious opportunities to get others to say nice things to them.
- Geniuses who are misunderstood
We just talked about toxic people with low self-esteem. But some have a very big idea of \u200b\u200bthemselves. Surprisingly, these two parties have a lot in common and can end up being both manipulative and toxic in an attempt to satisfy their unhealthy egos.
A person with the same inflated self will strive to be in the spotlight all the time. They will crave attention, shift the focus of every conversation to themselves, and overestimate their accomplishments. However, the misunderstood genius goes further than that. You see, they think they are too good for this world and their lives are a failure because of society/destiny/a higher power/other people. Thus, anything great they have accomplished (or more often, they could have accomplished) is not acknowledged and belittled.
A misunderstood genius will be very sensitive to criticism and can make you feel uncomfortable and guilty for giving them negative feedback, even if it is constructive criticism and you have good intentions.
5 Manipulation techniques These types of toxic people use their subconscious
Now, the question is: What kinds of manipulation techniques are these toxic people unwittingly using? Most likely, they aren’t familiar with doing these things at all, so calling them out wouldn’t be helpful. However, learning about these behaviors will help you discover a strategy for dealing with them.
- Passive aggression
Passive aggression is a favorite tactic of negative, secretly jealous, and insecure personalities. So almost all of the above types of toxic people can use it, especially approval seekers and envious people.
They lack the emotional toughness to express their opinions openly and confront conflict. Thus, they throw deceptive comments and sad phrases that make you feel bad and bring them temporary emotional satisfaction.
Example situation:
Your friend Bob tells you about his financial difficulties. He lost his job and doesn’t know how to pay his bills next month. You comfort him and give him advice. At some point, the conversation turns to you telling Bob about the detention your naughty son received at school. Bob has an absent expression on his face and says, “I wish I had your problems.”
Results? You feel guilty for worrying about such trivial issues while your boyfriend is going through a really tough time in life. In reality, though, Bob didn’t mean to cause you to be upset or guilty. He’s just overly self-absorbed right now because of his difficulties, so everyone else’s problems seem like a joke to him.
- Guilt trips
Needy people often use guilt trips to get what they want. Needy people are natural manipulators and may not even know how toxic they can become. Because they are used to being dependent on others and pinning their happiness on external people and circumstances, they are intrinsically skilled at inducing guilt in those around them.
Example situation:
Ian proposes to Melissa while they have only been in a relationship for three months. She’s not ready yet and isn’t sure if Ian is the one, so she takes some time to think about it. One day, Ian told Melissa about his heartbreaking past relationship and dropped a comment like, “This breakup was a real disaster. It was a struggle to get over it. If our relationship didn’t work out too, I’m not sure if I can handle it.” As a result, Melissa feels sorry for him and accepts his proposal.
This may seem like sneaky manipulation at first, but Ian isn’t a bad person. He only tends to think in black and white and gets very excited about people. He also has an extreme fear of loneliness and gets emotionally attached to women very easily. So he meant every word of what he said to Melissa.
- Playing the victim
Some people believe that they have done nothing wrong and that all their failures are the result of external circumstances. They may blame unkind people who took advantage of them or an unfair society that ruined their chances of success. Perhaps they were born at the wrong time or had a family background that was too disadvantaged to achieve anything significant in life. They may continue to believe that all their misery stems from a generational curse or God’s will.
The underlying reason for this toxic attitude is that people with a victim mentality are afraid of responsibility. There is always someone or something else to blame for all the adversities life throws his way. Therefore, they have a natural talent for playing the victim and distorting every situation accordingly.
But they don’t because they are evil manipulators. They are simply too weak to accept their mistakes and deal with their responsibilities. Many types of toxic people use the manipulative tactic of playing the victim. On our list, the misunderstood genius, the needy, and the complainer will do it more often than most.
