Narcissists are a resilient group who are less likely to feel stressed or depressed than the rest of us.

That doesn’t seem fair. Their actions and behavior have a huge negative impact on those around them! This resilience means that it can be difficult to make a narcissist feel bad.

No matter what you say, they bounce back, protected by their heightened sense of self-importance.

If you really want a narcissist to feel bad, you need to understand exactly what makes them feel bad. You need to know what buttons to push when you get there.

In this article, I’ll help you do just that. While explaining how the narcissist’s mind works, I’ll give you some examples of things that will make a narcissist feel bad, and pierce their heart.

6 Things to Say to Make a Narcissist Feel Bad

1 Nothing

Silence often speaks louder than words, especially with a narcissist. Saying nothing means a lot—it tells the narcissist that you’ve had enough and that you can’t find the words to express your feelings anymore.

Psychologists like me often refer to this approach as the gray rock technique. This technique involves becoming emotionally neutral and unresponsive—making yourself as interesting to the narcissist as a gray rock. The goal is to deprive the narcissist of the emotional feedback he or she seeks, making him or her feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

Imagine that you’ve had several long conversations with a narcissistic colleague, but every time you open your mouth, he or she belittles you and undermines your accomplishments.

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The next time you meet, use the gray rock approach, and respond to their boastful stories with a simple nod or a noncommittal response like “I see.”

At first, the narcissist may not notice the change, but over time, they’ll likely grow frustrated with your lack of emotional engagement. They may feel ignored and unimportant without the validation and attention they’re looking for.

2 Hold them accountable

Instead of letting the narcissist get away with their manipulative behavior, hold them accountable for it.

Narcissists often rely on manipulation to exploit others and maintain their self-image, so when their tactics are exposed or challenged, it can be a blow to their ego.

Let’s say you notice your narcissistic partner constantly belittling your accomplishments in front of others. One day, you decide to address this, saying, “I’ve noticed that you sometimes undermine my accomplishments when we’re with friends. It makes me feel disrespected and hurt.”

By addressing the issue and setting clear boundaries, you hold the narcissist accountable for their manipulative behavior.

In response, the narcissist feels bad because their attempts to control and manipulate you have been thwarted, and you’ve challenged their self-image as all-knowing and flawless.

3 Just Say No

Narcissists believe that their needs and desires are more important than anyone else’s, so saying no can challenge their sense of entitlement and control, which can lead them to feel frustrated, angry, or even insulted.

If you want to hurt a narcissist’s ego, say no. Instead of giving in to pressure, put yourself first and refuse to meet their demands.

Imagine you have a narcissistic friend who constantly asks you for help but doesn’t reciprocate or acknowledge your needs.

One day, when he asks you for another favor, you assert your boundaries, saying, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you this time. I have some important commitments to take care of.”

By asserting your boundaries and saying “no,” you’re sending the message that you won’t be manipulated or exploited. The narcissist may feel bad that his or her attempt to control and exploit you has been thwarted.

4 Set boundaries and stick to them

Set firm boundaries regarding what behavior you will tolerate and what you feel is unacceptable. Make it clear that there will be consequences if the narcissist violates these boundaries, and follow through if necessary.

For example, let’s say your narcissistic partner continues to invade your privacy by going through your personal belongings and messages without your consent.

One day, you decide enough is enough and address the issue by saying, “I value my privacy, and it’s important to me to have personal space and boundaries. I need you to respect that.”

Make it clear to the narcissist that you won’t tolerate this behavior and will end the relationship if it continues.

Setting boundaries allows you to assert your independence and self-respect, which can be threatening to a narcissist who is used to dominating others. They may feel bad that their attempts to violate your boundaries have been rejected.

Being prepared to defend yourself can highlight their manipulative behavior and make them confront their actions, leading to feelings of guilt or frustration.

5 Use Facts, Not Emotions

If you’re thinking, “How do I make a narcissist feel sorry?” you need to start thinking outside the box. Just telling them how you feel won’t do. Instead, you need cold, hard evidence.

Using facts instead of emotions to get your point across can make the narcissist feel bad because it deprives them of the emotional response they’re seeking. Narcissists thrive on emotional manipulation, so when you present your argument with logical, factual information, it disarms them.

Imagine you’re working with a narcissistic colleague who repeatedly takes credit for your ideas during team meetings. Instead of reacting emotionally, you decide to address the situation with facts.

During your next meeting, when your colleague tries to present your idea as their own, you can calmly interject by saying, “Actually, I’d like to point out that this idea came from my own research and efforts. I have the data and timestamps to back it up.”

Your organized answer may surprise your narcissist. He or she may have expected you to get upset or defensive, which can give him or her a sense of control.

However, using concrete evidence shifts the focus away from emotional manipulation and onto facts. This can make the narcissist feel frustrated and unable to maintain control over the situation.

Using facts can make the narcissist feel bad because it exposes his or her attempts to distort reality and manipulate situations.

6 Talk about yourself

Narcissists want to be the center of attention and feel threatened if anyone else takes the spotlight. If you want to make the narcissist feel bad, start by talking about yourself. This will shift the spotlight back to you and challenge their sense of superiority.

Let’s say you’re at a social gathering with a narcissistic acquaintance who tends to dominate conversations. Instead of passively listening to their self-aggrandizing stories, you decide to share your latest accomplishment, telling the group about your recent promotion at work.

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By speaking confidently about yourself, you’re asserting your presence and accomplishments, which can challenge the narcissist’s need to be the center of attention. They may feel threatened by your self-confidence, leading them to feel bad about their inability to maintain control of the conversation.

What Else Makes a Narcissist Feel Bad?

Narcissists want to look and feel good, so anything you can do to keep them from feeling special will only make them feel bad. Ignore them, over-talk to them, or ignore their needs, and you’ll make the narcissist feel bad, if not terrible.