Ah, the strange things narcissists say. It’s no surprise that you’re wondering how to communicate with a narcissist. It often feels like they are on another planet and speaking a completely different language than you. Nothing is ever resolved, and circular conversations drive you crazy.

It’s fair to say that we all get into disagreements with someone else and probably say things we regret from time to time. All of us are capable of being a little stupid. Although we don’t want to admit it, we may go through difficult times where we lack emotional empathy.

However, are you dealing with someone who seems to have a set list of very specific statements to throw at you at the first sign of conflict? Do you suspect they are using toxic amnesia? Do they use these phrases to try to silence you and distract you from the topic of the conversation? If so, you may be dealing with someone with pathological narcissism. Here are the most common things narcissists say in the heat of the moment.

“You like arguments.”

The above is a classic phrase that narcissists love to throw out the moment you ask them something, no matter how small. As a result, attention is diverted from the issue at hand to you being a disruptive personality who creates recurring conflict. This statement is designed to make you question whether you have the right to express your opinions or needs.

“I never said that!”

Another favorite, non-irritating phrase that will make you doubt your recollection of events, and therefore your sanity. The narcissist has been exposed to something they said and realizes they are wrong but cannot admit that fact, so they resort to denial and gaslighting instead. Many of us end up wondering if the narcissist is suffering from a rare form of amnesia. This scenario can create a win-win situation for narcissists, who are unaccountable and muster sympathy for their confusion.

What happens can be described as toxic amnesia, which occurs when the perpetrator pretends to be unable to remember past lies and abusive behavior. Never doubt it – they remember, all right.

“I’m not doing it on purpose.”

Of all the things narcissists say, this line is a distinct gaslighting tool, which often leaves the person on the receiving end of abuse with no effective return. The narcissist says yes I have a problem. I admit it, but my behavior is not intentional, so I can’t be blamed. In the narcissist’s mind, this statement not only allows them to get away with it but also paints them as a victim.

In reality, it does not matter whether the narcissist’s mistakes are intentional or not (and in many cases they certainly are). The result is still the same – you are on the receiving end of psychological abuse and suffering, though. If you think about how to communicate with a narcissist without being negatively affected and desperately wish that it were possible, you will be disappointed. Even the most mentally and emotionally strong people among us lose our temper.

“I’m sorry you feel this way.”

When the narcissist suspects that the person is beginning to realize the truth about his or her actions, an apology comes. Except that statement is not an apology at all; It’s simply another one of those things narcissists say – the narcissist blames you for your feelings, emotional needs, and standards. Always remember that an apology without change is pure manipulation.

“You’re so melodramatic!”

Narcissists enjoy convincing others that their reaction to abuse is exaggerated and unnecessary. Due to a lack of emotional empathy, the narcissist cannot care about how you feel. Don’t you see that only the narcissist’s well-being matters?

This tactic is an attempt by the narcissist to try to control your emotional reactions and avoid any accountability for his misbehavior.

“I feel misunderstood.”

Once the narcissist realizes that his control over you and the situation is failing, he will attempt to rewrite the narrative with toxic amnesia, and by claiming that the fundamental problem is that you don’t understand him. The narcissist hopes to get an emotional high from you and make you feel sorry for him so that you will overlook his bad behavior. If you just understood the narcissist, there would be no problem. So, you are wrong to question their behavior and not sympathize with them. Because of black-and-white thinking, the narcissist feels betrayed because you do not unconditionally accept the way he operates.

How do you communicate with a narcissistic person?

The things narcissists say are based on the fact that many people remain relatively unaware of narcissistic abuse. Emotional abusers will do their best to convince you that you are the reason for all their mistakes, and most of the time, unfortunately, this works. We fall for the toxic amnesia, blame-shifting, and other bad coping mechanisms used by the narcissist. Some of us spend years and years wondering how a relationship got so difficult.

The truth is that the narcissist’s behavior has nothing to do with you, the illness was formed before you met this person. Nothing you do or say can change who a narcissist is and how he behaves. If you are looking for an easy answer to how to communicate with a narcissist, the truth is that there is no single answer.

You will never be on the same page with someone who suffers from a depilatory mental disorder that colors every part of the structure of their mind. Educating yourself about narcissistic abuse gives you a huge advantage and puts the power back into your hands. Whether you stay or walk away is the only thing that is truly in your control.