Ah, good old empowerment. They walk beside you, but never with you.

They listen to you, but they don’t believe you.

The enablers are controlled by the narcissist, and they are also not on your team. you know what? You can take back that control and set better boundaries!

It is not your responsibility to show the enabler the truth. The more you try, the crazier you’ll seem.

Wake up to style!

Let’s start, with the six most common things narcissists will tell you.

“The narcissist had a difficult life.”

Come here!

What kind of excuse is that?!

I can feel and hear your screams already, and you would have the right to do so. The narcissist had a difficult life, according to the enabler.

It was very difficult.

They’ve been through a lot.

They are doing their best…

I’m not buying it, and neither should you. Enablers will take the narcissist’s sob story and give you a split version and maximum empathy. They know this very well because they have been told so many times.

The narcissist wants his cruel past to be public news, so he can continue to project his worst behavior onto you while waving a get-out-of-jail-free card.

As you know by now, narcissism can come from early lifestyles that were difficult. Those younger years, especially in family dynamics where trauma or abuse was present, can lead to the development of narcissistic personalities.

but…

Nothing excuses bad behavior. It’s not particularly right to hire people informally to relay your back story for sympathetic reasons. Narcissists do this, so they can continue to manipulate and control their way through different types of relationships.

“Come on, you know they didn’t mean it!”

Have you been there before?
See also How Narcissists Positively Control You

The narcissist, intent on making a major dent in your happiness, makes a rude, cruel, or casual comment, and throws it your way…

Yes. It is common that. It happens all the time.

As you move uncomfortably, feeling negative, you hear those words muttered by your enabler.

They didn’t mean it.

You know how they are!

So, here comes my next question…

Is the worker psychological?!

Of course, they are not. Their response to narcissistic behavior comes almost automatically. They sense your frustration, and they want to put out the fire.

They are programmed to put out your fires – that is primarily what they have been recruited to do.

Whether it’s out of fear or through some sort of pathological trauma that binds the narcissist, they will jump to their defense faster than you can blink.

This always leaves you fired up by completely belittling the narcissist’s words, and there’s nothing more invalidating.
“I’ve never had a problem with them.”

Hey, while we’re on the subject of invalidation, I give you number three.

I didn’t have any problem with them.

They have always been very nice to me.

Do you know what, empowerment is? good for you. I did well.

If anything, you know they should add “yet” to their statement, because they will eventually have some sort of conflict between them and the narcissist. You don’t have the right to warn them about this at this time, especially since they are so focused on defending the narcissist.

Remember this, helpers are somewhat afraid of narcissists. They can ignore their behavior and pretend it doesn’t exist, or they can walk away from it and say: No, I won’t interfere.
See also What Not to Do When You Want to Stop a Narcissist

Sometimes, narcissists have a very different relationship with the enabler than they do with you. If the narcissist is your partner, of course, the experience of the enablers will be very different.

Don’t let its invalidation convince you that there is no problem.
“I’m sure it will get better with time. Be patient.”

Great – How much time do you have?

People can change. They can improve, think, and grow. They can understand accountability and work to improve.

Narcissists cannot do any of the above. They don’t understand what they have to do.

Having an assistant tell you to be patient and wait until he feels better or to hope for more pleasant results is a waste of your time. This doesn’t mean they won’t feel like they’re helping you by sharing these ideas.

It’s not helpful – it’s cruel. Patience is a virtue; Sometimes, sitting with situations until they get better is a good thing. Consider a knee injury or treatment. Time heals.

No one is forced to simply stick with a narcissistic relationship. If it causes you pain and suffering, you don’t have to wait.

Everything you’re going through shouldn’t be prolonged because of your patience – so understand how wrong it is to ask you to give the narcissist more time.

“It’s not that bad…”

A classic empowerment statement – ​​and should receive an award for most likely to highlight you.

Statements like these will make your head spin, wondering, “Are things as bad as I make them out to be?” This is the specific intention of narcissists, and they will use enablement to get the point across.

See also: Toxic Friend Alert: 10 Warning Signs Of An Emotionally Draining Friendship

You will doubt your emotions.

Your levels of self-doubt will rise.

Your reality will be confused.

If you grew up with a narcissist in your household, you’ve probably heard this phrase as early as you can remember, especially from family members.

It is not uncommon for siblings to even be raised in the same household and have very different experiences with the narcissist – depending on the role they want you to play.

It is also possible for a brother to be an enabler.

Come on, it’s not as bad as you make it out to be!

Work, Family, Friends – It is possible for any enabler to tell you that your current struggles with narcissists are and will continue to be mysterious – all because they don’t want to believe you.

“Stop complaining – they work hard!”

This last phrase can come in other forms, such as:

Let her go.

They put a roof over your head, you should be grateful!

They work hard to provide the life you have. Many will be jealous.

Providing material goods is no excuse for emotional abuse. It is not uncommon for people to feel guilty once enablers start using these phrases.

Why?

Because it can seem like a simple explanation for a narcissist’s behavior and plays well into the feelings of guilt that can come from it.

Being fed or cared for is your most basic need. This does not mean that a narcissist can treat you the way he wants and get away with using an enabler to justify his poor treatment of you.