Arguments are bound to happen from time to time in any relationship, whether it’s with a friend, family member, or romantic partner. Conflicts are a normal part of human interaction, and when handled constructively, they can sometimes lead to personal growth and strengthened relationships. However, when one side of the argument is narcissistic, the dynamics can become more complex. So complex that it is necessary to decode the things covert narcissists say in any argument.

Covert narcissists are individuals who display narcissistic traits but do so in a subtle, less overt way. On the outside, they appear humble, and generous and have low self-esteem. However, the narcissist’s carefully crafted covert mask hides the more evil spirit that lies within. Let’s explore six things covert narcissists often say in arguments and shed light on their deceptive tactics.

“You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive.”

One of the most insidious tactics covert narcissists use during arguments is creepy lighting. Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where the narcissist makes you doubt your feelings, perceptions, and reason. When you express your feelings or concerns during an argument, the covert narcissist may respond with statements like, “You’re taking this too far” or “You like to argue, don’t you?” These comments are intended to undermine your understanding of reality and feelings, making you wonder if you have good reason to be upset.

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Gaslighting is especially harmful because it erodes your self-confidence. Over time, you may become reluctant to express your feelings or fears, ultimately allowing the covert narcissist to maintain control over the relationship, which is, of course, exactly what he wants. It’s time to start trusting your personal feelings and intuition. Seek support from friends or family who can help you validate your feelings and experiences.

“You’re always attacking me.”

Covert narcissists will always portray themselves as victims, even when they are responsible for the conflict. Things covert narcissists say in an argument? You might hear: “You’re always picking on me,” or “Why are you so mean to me?” It’s all about shifting the focus away from their actions and redirecting it towards you, making you feel guilty or responsible for their emotional distress. In this scenario, the narcissist reenacts his childhood, once again resorting to the helpless person he once was, and casting you as the adult bully.

By playing the victim, covert narcissists attract sympathy and support from those around them, making it nearly impossible for you to address the real issues at hand. If possible, stay focused on the actual problem, and don’t allow yourself to get sucked into a guilt trip. Stick to the facts, express your feelings clearly, and avoid falling into the “bad guy” role that the covert narcissist tries to portray you as. Most importantly, know when to save yourself and leave.

“What about when you did this?”

Then, in the things covert narcissists say in their arguments, we have their perverted statements. Covert narcissists are professionals at avoiding accountability for their actions. When confronted, they may respond, “What about when you did this?” Or “You’re no better than me.” A covert narcissist’s first goal is to divert attention away from his or her mistakes by shifting the blame to you. Crazy.

Deviance makes resolving conflicts and addressing underlying issues in the relationship difficult. If the covert narcissist tries to bring up past events or unrelated grievances, calmly (if you can) steer the conversation back to the current problem and behavior you want to address.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Another common tactic, and next on the list of things covert narcissists say in any argument, is to say nothing at all. When faced with conflict, a narcissist may suddenly decide to withdraw, refuse to participate in the discussion, or say, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” They aim to shut down the conversation and maintain control by denying you the opportunity to express your thoughts and feelings. Nice – good.

The silent treatment is frustrating and hurtful, leaving you unheard and excluded. Now is the time to set boundaries and emphasize the importance of open communication in a relationship. Let the covert narcissist know that avoiding the problem is not a productive way to resolve conflicts. Unfortunately, the narcissist is unlikely to “get it,” but at least you had your say.

“I love you so much; why are you doing this to me?”

Covert narcissists live their lives trying to gain sympathy and keep you emotionally invested in the relationship. During an argument, they may suddenly change direction and start love bombing, saying things like, “I love you, and I would never do this to you” or “I can’t live without you.” This tactic is intended to make you feel guilty for making the covert narcissist upset and keep you emotionally attached to them.

Stay calm and recognize this behavior for what it is: a manipulative tactic. Stay focused on the issue at hand, and do not allow expressions of love or affection to prevent you from addressing the underlying issues in the relationship.

“I think I’m just a terrible person.”

Finally, in the things covert narcissists say in their arguments, we have self-deprecation. When faced with a situation that threatens their already shaky self-image or when their manipulative tactics are exposed, covert narcissists resort to tried and tested self-deprecation. By feigning weakness and admitting fault, they aim to gain reassurance and kind words from the other person.

This phrase is a ploy to manipulate emotions and seek validation. The narcissist wants you to tell them that they are not the negative character they so subtly portray. It is a way to regain control of the situation by drawing sympathy and attention back to the narcissist, as is always the case.

FinalThoughts on Things Covert Narcissists Say in Argument

Dealing with a narcissist disguised in an argument is impossible. No matter how calm and reasonable your personality is, the narcissist will push you to the edge of reason. Learn to recognize their manipulation tactics and work to maintain your emotional health and self-esteem.

The unfortunate truth is that sometimes, no amount of assertiveness and boundary-setting works with a covert narcissist. People with narcissistic personality disorder possess a completely different view of reality and events; they will always bend the truth to make them look good. Covert narcissists don’t have a healthy enough sense of worth to afford to be wrong. In so many cases, sadly, your only option is to walk away and leave the narcissist to their delusions.