Adult children of narcissists experience a wide range of symptoms. Due to a lack of empathy, their lives are very confused.
I don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know that I had a dysfunctional childhood. I know that my parents failed in many things in raising me.
I have been left alone several times with an elderly grandmother, been sexually abused by an adult cousin, and physically abused by my parents at times. Although I think there was a show of sympathy, it was fleeting because I was on my own a lot.
Now, whether or not I am a child narcissist, I don’t know for sure. Do you know any adult child narcissists who fit this description?
Struggling through adulthood
It’s okay, maybe I belong to the adult child category of narcissists, or maybe something else entirely. But this is just my story to help you understand a small part of what narcissistic parenting can be. Adults raised by narcissists can tell their story in this list of struggles.
Yes, as adults, children of narcissists struggle in many ways.
- Persistent self-doubt
We all fall victim to self-doubt now and then, but there are those who deal with it all the time. When the adult children of narcissistic parents doubt themselves, it becomes a way of life. Almost every decision they make is surrounded by all kinds of doubts and fears.
Unfortunately, these constant feelings of self-doubt attract toxic people into their lives. In relationships, they are vulnerable to unhealthy and toxic treatments like gaslighting and projection.
Think of it this way, if you doubt yourself, it’s easy to feel wrong about almost anything, even if it was blatantly the other person’s accident.
- Feelings of worthlessness
Even worse than self-doubt, children of adult narcissists can develop extreme feelings of worthlessness. These feelings come from years of conditioning, where the child feels wrong about everything. They are also told that they are worthless and can do nothing right.
In adulthood, these feelings of worthlessness can affect the ability to get a job, maintain a relationship, or even function properly. It will be difficult to realize the true value of your abilities and talents.
Everyone is good at something, but adults who have learned to feel worthless will not be able to see this potential without help.
- Love is different
Children of narcissistic parents experience love differently than other children. With narcissistic parents, children do not get to experience unconditional love. Everything seems to come with a price or condition. These parents also teach their children that love also has limits. This prepares them for the way they will love in the future.
As adults of narcissistic parents, love is strange. Love is measured by how much you can give or gain in a relationship, not by the actual quality of the union.
These adults usually bond with other toxic adults and end up in very dysfunctional relationships. These relationships often reflect the parent-child relationship they are raised with.
- No freedom of speech
Children of narcissistic parents are taught that differences of opinion are “reactive.” Children are not allowed to have different opinions when setting the rules. Believe it or not, this was a natural way of being brought up when I was growing up. Who knew she was a narcissist!
But when you grow up with this kind of upbringing, you usually have trouble standing up to people or speaking your mind. You feel intimidated or ashamed, and you usually decide to keep your opinion to yourself. Even children of adult narcissists sometimes pass on this type of mindset to their children.
- No independence
Children are often raised to be an extension of their parents. Oftentimes, parents try to live out their dreams through their children’s lives. This begins at an early age and extends into adulthood. Narcissistic parents often groom their children to become caregivers when they reach adulthood.
When adulthood is reached, narcissistic parents will constantly remind their children of the need to stay connected. They become angry if their adult children do things that go against what the parents need or want.
There is always pressure on the adult child to always take care of the parent, which limits the autonomy of the adult child and thus shatters any independent dreams or goals.
- Repeat patterns
I touched on this in an earlier example above, but all too often adult children of narcissists repeat toxic behavior with their children.
For example, if your parents taught you that love is conditional, you may be teaching your children that love has to be bought or has severe boundaries. Of course, this hurts the chances that your child will be able to find true love. This is a tragedy.
Changing our view of parenting
The truth is, many of our parents were narcissists. We can see this when we try to discipline our children, and thus, the patterns recur. So, the goal is to change the methods when raising our children.
I think, as parents, we should listen more to what our kids are telling us, rather than just assuming they are rebelling. Sometimes, the truth is hidden behind those emerging situations. I think we should also really teach them about how great love can be, not about the work we have to do to achieve it.
