In our early school days, everyone was our best friend. We had a new one every week and the bar was low. There was no reason to keep your circle small when your circle was the entire class. In later school years, having a large circle of friends was a “cool” ideal and generally meant popularity and seniority.
As we progress through the years, we lose and gain friends in every new chapter we open – from school to college to work. Only as adults can we look back and see that some of them just stuck, while others were just pleasant but fleeting phases.
It’s healthy to lose friends as we get older. It shows that we have evolved as a person and that some people no longer fit your path. With a smaller circle, you can clearly see that quality trumps quantity when it comes to friendships.
Realistic reasons to keep your circle small
- It is science
Over the years, many studies have shown that there are benefits to keeping your circle small that far outweigh having a lot of friends.
A study conducted at the University of Oxford, inspired by observing friendships between primates, suggested that our brains are capable of accommodating up to 150 friendships. These friendships are divided into classes, and the more classes, the less close the bond.
This research suggests that we can keep about 5 people in our closest layer, and they become our best friends. This number, and the overall total, can vary depending on whether a person is introverted or extroverted, explains lead researcher Robert Dunbar.
In 2012, the University of Iowa conducted a research study on the depth of connections between larger groups of friends. This study demonstrated that in groups of more than 6 people, the levels of trust and commitment reported by participants were significantly lower than those in smaller groups.
- Originality
When you keep your circle of friends small, you’ll see that your connections are real. With only a few best friends, it’s clear that your friendship isn’t based on comfort or mutual friends.
A small circle of friends actively choose each other, whether it’s to hang out with on a Friday night or to confide in when times get tough. When we need a shoulder to cry on, we often don’t have or want a large group of supporters. We usually have a few people who will help us lift the weights.
A larger group of friends usually means that the connections between each person are not as original. It is unlikely that each person will have a deep connection with others, because personalities naturally differ and clash. With a smaller circle, you’ll know that the people around you are there because they truly want to be with you.
- You can always be yourself
We all contain multiple versions of ourselves that emerge depending on those around us. A more professional version might come across if you’re talking to your boss, and a smarter version if you’re looking after the kids. When you’re with real, genuine friends, you don’t need to be anyone other than yourself.
In a large group of people, some may be friends and others may be barely acquaintances. Due to your non-intimate bonds, you may try to fit into the group to be better accepted. This means hiding parts of yourself and agreeing to things you might not normally choose.
When you keep your circle small, you will be more connected to the people around you. This means feeling more comfortable being yourself and being honest about what you want.
Even better is that in a small friendship group, you’ll likely choose each other because of your shared interests. This means you won’t need to worry about peer pressure or being outnumbered, you’ll simply need the same things.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
-doctor. Mite
- They know you
Within a large group of friends, you’ll likely be surrounded by loose acquaintances who don’t really know you. Not only does this lead to less presence around them, but it also means explaining yourself and your needs.
These people won’t know what to do when you need a break because they never had the chance or took the time to get to know you. A large group of people tends to drown each other out, which prevents truly deep connections.
True true friendships are built on a deep understanding of each other. They know what you need when you’re struggling, the perfect birthday gifts, and where you want to go for lunch – all without needing to explain.
- Deeper connections
Having a larger circle of friends means you’re likely to have more superficial connections. The conversations we have with people we’re not particularly close to don’t tend to go very deep. These are not people with whom we share our secrets or deepest thoughts.
Keeping your circle small means always being surrounded by friends with whom you have deep connections. These types of friendships are built on depth. True feelings, thoughts, and secrets that you won’t tell anyone else flow easily between you.
Deep, intimate connections also come with the added guarantee of a judgment-free friendship. Instead of fearing the reactions of your large group of friends, you can feel safe opening up to your small circle because you know they won’t judge you, just as you won’t judge them.
- It’s easier
Perhaps the most superficial reason to keep your circle small is that it’s easier to manage, especially for an introvert. Having a large group of only close friends means having to attend and be present at all kinds of birthdays, events and parties where you may not really know the host.
Our lives are often too busy to juggle too many expectations, especially when those people aren’t the number one person in your life, and you’re not one of them. Having a small circle of friends who you would do anything for means never overworking yourself.
It also means never having to explain yourself if you find yourself struggling to keep up. True friends don’t ask much from you. They want to see you happy and will accept whatever you can give them.
