I come from a long line of complainers, the kind of people who consider constantly complaining about life a hobby.

So I know first hand how draining negative energy can be to be around her.

Unfortunately, sometimes, we have no choice but to deal with certain people.

Complainants can be our colleagues, our bosses, our spouses, or in my case, family members.

Over the years, I’ve developed some effective techniques for dealing with a complainer.

Related : 15 subtle signs you’re dealing with a manipulative friend

Once you learn how to deal with them with understanding, empathy, and diplomacy, you can make their presence more bearable.

Let’s go for it!

1) Listen actively

Sometimes complainers just want to be heard.

They may feel ignored by society, which reinforces their bitter energy.

Since they feel like no one is really listening anyway, they often don’t hold back from sarcasm.

So, next time, give them your full attention and treat them as someone who deserves it.

This will help them feel recognized and accepted rather than ignored.

They will likely be shocked and touched by your empathy and ability to listen.

Expect their behavior to reflect that in the end.

Let’s discuss empathy a little more…

2) Show empathy

Believe it or not, behind the pessimistic energy, there is often some truth to what the complainer is saying.

They tend to be a little rough around the edges.

So instead of rejecting and creating more bad blood, express empathy by validating their perspective and emotions through thoughtful reactions and gestures.

In these situations, some of my favorite phrases include: “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” or “I can see how that could be upsetting,” or “I would react the same way.”

3) Set boundaries

Once the complainant finds someone willing to put up with him, the tendency is to push the envelope.

They often end up using that person like a doormat, as if they are a constant scapegoat for resentment.

The thing is, giving them an outlet is itself an act of kindness; So don’t let them take advantage more.

You’re better than that.

If this sounds familiar, realize it’s time to set boundaries.

Sure, you can pet them every now and then when they need to vent their anger.

But when their complaints start to negatively impact you and add unnecessary stress to your day, it’s time to let them know.

Use constructive statements like “While I’m here to listen, let’s not dwell on the past, let’s focus on finding solutions instead.”

This brings me to my next point…

4) Encourage problem solving

Harping on the past is always the complainant’s default setting.

But you and I know that we cannot change the past, these are just basic physics.

Hence, ruminating about forgetfulness will do you no favors. In fact, the latter is an incredibly unhealthy and counterproductive practice.

Think about it: If you’re a chronic complainer, you might get caught up in thinking about what could have happened, and lose the energy and motivation to find solutions.

So, when dealing with a complainant, change the tone of the conversation to be more solution-oriented and proactive, while offering support and assistance when necessary.

The pandemic has been a difficult time for me.

My once-thriving business had accumulated a lot of debt.

As CEO, I was aggressively pursued by creditors.

My days consisted of receiving threatening calls or demanding letters, stressing out, and then complaining to anyone who would listen, which was usually my father.

What started as an understandable vent turned into a toxic cycle of self-pity and endless rage.

To my parents’ credit, they were sympathetic listeners. But looking back, the severity of my complaints has become exaggerated… and greatly exaggerated.

Soon they had had enough of my foolishness.

They convinced me to think about solutions; Instead of going around in circles and blaming myself for my past blunders.

Instead of just consoling me, they began actively helping me brainstorm innovative and systematic ways to solve my problems.

In short, after three difficult but educational years, I am mostly debt-free, with far fewer complaints per week.

5) Suggest positive thinking

Sometimes, we get so deep into our habits that we don’t realize how harmful they are.

Excessive complaining, for example, is a terrible habit.

In most cases, the complainant simply needs an objective party to set them straight.

So, if there’s a complainer in your life, maybe you should push them to see things in a more optimistic light.

To see the bigger picture.

To remain aware of the good things in their lives instead of dwelling on the bad.

Over time, this mindset will help them feel less overwhelmed, with a renewed perspective.

Looking back on my pandemic-induced issues, it’s safe to say that I lacked clarity at the time.

I was so mentally entangled with my own issues that I took for granted the many positives that remained in my life.

I neglected my relationships with my loved ones; I neglected the fact that my situation, while not ideal, was also not the end of the world – as there were countless people in my surroundings dealing with much worse issues like hunger, extreme poverty, death and disease.

If I had taken into consideration how small my problems were in the larger scheme of things, I’m sure I would have dealt with them more efficiently.

Live and learn.

6) Avoid joining

Remember, misery loves company.

By joining in the name calling, you are only enabling their bad behavior.

So, if they lure you into complaining with them, don’t fall into their trap.

Consciously steer the conversation in a more productive direction.

Maybe you can share your relevant life experiences.

Or you can simply change the topics, no matter how superficial – ask them for their interpretation of the latest episode of American Horror Story, or for their thoughts on the new NBA season, if that’s what interests them.

Related : If you tolerate these 13 behaviors from your partner, you’re settling for less than you deserve

This can act as a reset button, breaking the cycle of cynicism while also subtly communicating your boundaries.

LastWords

Life is short. You don’t want to spend your days slogging through the negative Downer Dans and Nancys of the world.

Being a respected friend or relative is one thing, but being turned into a doormat is something you should never put up with.

Having said that, try the above methods first.

Who knows, the person in question may not be aware of how much their situation affects others.

And if that doesn’t work, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate, I mean really re-evaluate the relationship.

Once constant complaining becomes too toxic and has harmful effects on your health, for example, consider it time to quit.