Covert narcissists are the most cunning of all. Not only do they have the traits of a typical narcissist, but they do it with an attitude of “I just want to live my life in peace and do my best.”
Covert narcissists find ways to annoy you, and they intentionally make it difficult for you to call them out on it because they can pull off the victim smile.
“It wasn’t me.”
Enough of that!
When you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, there are several signs that confirm this – and I’ve picked out the top 6 just for you.
Are you ready?
1 They become ignorant when you fail to do enough for them
When you don’t do enough for a covert narcissist, it doesn’t take long for them to put on the cloak of ignoring you. They wear it because they want to appear as if you don’t “need” them, which is a sign of rejection.
Covert narcissists hate rejection. It’s not in their nature to not even notice that you can’t make an appointment, or that you have to let them down in some way. Shrugging it off and saying, “Okay, no problem, maybe next time” is something only you or I know, but the covert narcissist will see that you let them down, and that’s exactly what they do?
Related : Can Being with a Narcissist Turn You into One?
It scratches their pride and makes them realize that they don’t have someone in their life who supports them in the way they thought they did.
ThisAtFirstFalseTrait
When you first meet a covert narcissist, the struggle can be real. They will react in such extreme ways to you changing or upending your plans (ultimately “letting them down”), and make it seem like they’re just something or someone “they” are.
Oh, you know how they get when I can’t make it happen.
It’s just who they are.
They can get a little distant when they’re upset. They’ll come back soon enough.
This isn’t narcissism, they can just have really low self-esteem sometimes.
No…it doesn’t actually work that way, and after a certain period of time, that realization starts to open up more as more of their covert narcissistic traits leak out and are revealed to you.
Your empathetic nature will give them the benefit of the doubt at first, and I see this pattern all the time.
2 Life is “Never Fair” to Them
You’ll hear… over and over again… how life is never fair to covert narcissists. They love nothing more than to tell the world what’s going on with them, and they sometimes joke that “no rest for the wicked.”
Covert narcissists fill their days with appointments, places to go, and people to see. They do this knowing that they can complain about their lack of free time to anyone who will listen.
I haven’t had a day off in three weeks. People need me.
I can’t afford to take a vacation, there are too many people who depend on me.
I love what I do, but I wish I had more time to put myself first.
Poor me, aren’t they?
In fact, covert narcissists are intentionally self-absorbed—basically so they don’t have a spare second to be alone with themselves because they can’t stand it.
Poor me
Yes, victimhood is strong in covert narcissists’ blood because that’s how they justify all the wonderful things they do for everyone while getting very little in return.
3 Their energy makes you feel uncomfortable
I’ve actually had people tell me that their blood runs cold when they’re in the presence of a covert narcissist. I got this when I started hearing about how a room might have an energy feel, as the covert narcissist bounces off the people in it, but for those who notice something isn’t right, they feel it in their bones.
Moreover, many people feel physically ill if they spend too much time around covert narcissists, getting headaches or tense muscles. Remember, the body and mind are connected, so if you feel stressed every time you’re around them, and you see them fake-smiling during another conversation, it can affect your physiology as well.
Related : 9 Reasons Why Narcissists Need Their Flying Monkeys
Covert narcissists create stress, and the body and mind respond to it in ways that try to protect you. Stress doesn’t have to be a big shot of cortisol, it can be small, continuous displays of energy to keep you on high alert—and that’s where your body starts to feel uncomfortable.
4 They Compete With You
Covert narcissists are used to competing with you. If you have something they want, they’ll go out and buy three.
If you’re working toward a new goal, they’ll find a new goal for themselves that’s bigger and better than yours, and they can even finish it before you can.
Anything you can do…
You can definitely do better!
This is a sure and powerful reflection of their low self-esteem. It’s not enough for them to be happy for you, they need to be happy for themselves, too.
Why?
Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle with Honesty
They want the spotlight!
5 Grudges Are Real
Covert narcissists rarely say things they don’t like in the moment because they know it will get them the wrong kind of attention.
They don’t want to be seen as troublemakers!
However… they can hold that against you. If they feel they’ve been treated unfairly, they’ll wait for the perfect moment to unleash their revenge on you in a way that makes you look terrible.
When You Least Expect It
Never think you’re safe with a covert narcissist. Their smiles and laughter are always hiding something, and if that’s some kind of punishment for you, you’re in for a very unpleasant surprise.
6 Burning Envy
The award for the most special and deserving person on the planet goes to…
The covert narcissist! shouts and gasps
Yes. The covert narcissist wants to feel superior and special in a way that no one else can imagine. They want the glory and the recognition, and they want to be told how great they are.
If… at least… you get an award or compliment once – don’t expect the covert narcissist to cheer.
They’ll smile and do that polite silent applause, but they’ll actually be doing it while they’re plotting their next move to overshadow you. They can’t stand seeing you be the center of attention.
As the old saying goes:
