Covert narcissists are the most cunning of all. Not only do they have the traits of a typical narcissist, but they do it with an attitude of “I just want to live my life in peace and do my best.”
Covert narcissists find ways to annoy you, and they intentionally make it difficult for you to call them out on it because they can pull off the victim smile.
“It wasn’t me.”
Enough of that!
When you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, there are several signs that confirm this – and I’ve picked out the top 6 just for you.
Are you ready?
1 They become ignorant when you fail to do enough for them
When you don’t do enough for a covert narcissist, it doesn’t take long for them to put on the cloak of ignoring you. They wear it because they want to make it seem like you don’t “need them” and that’s a sign of rejection.
Related : How to Point out Narcissists to Other People
Covert narcissists hate rejection. It’s not in their nature to not even notice that you can’t make a date, or that you have to let them down in some way. Ignoring it and saying “well, no problem, maybe next time” is something only you or I know, but a covert narcissist will see that you let them down, so what exactly do they do?
They scratch their pride and let them know that they don’t have someone in their life who supports them in the way they thought they would.
This is a false trait to begin with
When you first meet a covert narcissist, the struggle can be real. They will react in such extreme ways to you changing or upending your plans (ultimately “letting them down”), and make it seem like something or someone is just “them”.
Oh, you know how they get when I can’t be there.
That’s just who they are.
They can get a little distant when they’re upset. They’ll come back soon enough.
This isn’t narcissism, they can just have really low self-esteem sometimes.
No… it doesn’t really work that way, and after a certain amount of time, that realization starts to open up more as more of the traits of covert narcissism seep out and are revealed to you.
Your empathic nature will give them the benefit of the doubt at first, and I see this pattern all the time.
2 Life is “Never Fair” to Them
You will hear…over and over…how life is never fair to covert narcissists. They love nothing more than to tell the world what’s on their minds, and they sometimes joke that “bad people don’t rest.”
Covert narcissists fill their days with appointments, places to go, and people to see. They do this, knowing that they can complain about their lack of free time to anyone who will listen.
I haven’t had a day off in three weeks. People need me.
I can’t afford to take a vacation, I have too many people depending on me.
I love what I do, but I wish I had more time to put myself first.
My God, poor them, aren’t they?
In fact, covert narcissists are intentionally self-absorbed—basically so they don’t have a spare second to be alone with themselves because they can’t stand it.
Related : What do Narcissists do With Truth Tellers?
Poor me
Yes, victimhood is strong in covert narcissists’ blood because that’s how they justify all the wonderful things they do for everyone while getting very little in return.
3 Their energy makes you feel uncomfortable
I’ve actually had people tell me that their blood runs cold when they’re in the presence of a covert narcissist. I got this when I started hearing about how a room might have an energy feel, as the covert narcissist bounces off the people in it, but for those who notice something isn’t right, they feel it in their bones.
Moreover, many people feel physically ill if they spend too much time around covert narcissists, getting headaches or tense muscles. Remember, the body and mind are connected, so if you feel stressed every time you’re around them, and you see them fake-smiling during another conversation, it can affect your physiology, too.
Covert narcissists create stress, and the body and mind respond to it in ways that try to protect you. Stress doesn’t have to be a big shot of cortisol, it can be small, constant displays of energy to keep you on high alert—and that’s when your body starts to feel uncomfortable.
4 They Compete With You
Covert narcissists are used to competing with you. If you have something they want, they’ll go out and buy three.
If you’re working toward a new goal, they’ll find a new goal for themselves, one that’s bigger and better than yours, and they can even finish it before you can.
Anything you can do…
You can definitely do better!
This is a sure and powerful reflection of their low self-esteem. It’s not enough for them to be happy for you. They need to be happy for themselves, too.
Why?
They Want to Get the Spotlight!
5 Grudges Are Real
Covert narcissists rarely say things they don’t like at the moment because they know it will get them the wrong kind of attention.
Related : The Most Cruel Things Narcissists Do
They don’t want to be seen as troublemakers!
However… they can hold that against you. If they feel they’ve been treated unfairly, they’ll wait for the perfect moment to unleash their revenge on you in a way that makes you look terrible.
When You Least Expect It
Never think you’re safe with a covert narcissist. Their smiles and laughter are always covering something up, and if it’s some kind of punishment for you, you’re in for a very unpleasant surprise.
6 Intense Envy
The most prestigious and well-deserved award on the planet goes to…
The Covert Narcissist! Sudden cheers and shouts
Yes. The Covert Narcissist wants to always feel superior and special in a way that no one else can imagine. He wants the glory and the recognition, and he wants to be told how great he is.
If… at least… you get an award or compliment once – don’t expect the Covert Narcissist to cheer.
He’ll smile and applaud in polite silence, but he’ll do so while he’s already planning his next move to beat you. He can’t stand to see you be the center of attention.
As the old saying goes:
Beware of those who don’t applaud when you win.
