No one wants to be with a manipulative person, but the sad truth is that you don’t realize you’re with a cheating Snake when you’re committed to the relationship.
You’re probably thinking, “Well, if a manipulative person comes my way, I’ll find out before he tries his tricks.” This is easier said than done because manipulation is very difficult to detect, especially when you are with someone you love and trust.
When you are slowly drawn into their web of deception, instead of questioning what they are doing, you question yourself. Maybe I misunderstood what they said; Maybe you are too sensitive; Why do you feel like you’re going crazy?
Their tactics are cunning but effective, so you begin to doubt yourself without knowing that you are being manipulated.
That’s why it’s so important to recognize the six signs that someone is indirectly manipulating you, according to psychology.
This way, you can pay attention to your instincts and, secondly, pay attention to someone’s manipulation attempts before they bend you and break your spirit.
1) They will take advantage of your fears.
One thing to remember when dealing with a manipulator is that he or she will use you to achieve his or her agenda.
These individuals are really good at lying, and they do so by creating elaborate stories to impress, influence and boost their ego, but at the expense of your sacrifices.
Whether in front of a crowd or alone with you, they find devious ways to point out your mistakes and make you feel bad.
A classic example is targeting your self-confidence by targeting your weight or appearance. They realize you’re on a diet, and when you ask what they think about your new outfit, they’ll say, “Oh, I love that outfit. Too bad you had to struggle to fit into those pants.”
Did you just receive a compliment, or was this an indirect insult?
It was a bit of both, and it’s called a back compliment. They left you second guessing yourself, and suddenly, you felt ashamed and hurt by their words.
Related : 7 little-known psychological tricks to disarm a narcissist
They want you to believe that they care about you by being honest, but at the same time, they are slowly lowering your self-esteem.
It helps them control you.
2) They make you feel guilty.
Manipulators may not explicitly insult or belittle you, but they will make you feel guilty to get their way.
Instead of being honest about their feelings, they take information from your past or bring up something they did for you to make you feel sorry for them and give them what they want.
The thing is, you don’t even realize that’s what they’re doing because you’re caught up in your feelings and want to make things right, so you give in to their demands.
How do emotional manipulators do it? At the beginning of a manipulative relationship, these individuals make you believe that you mean the world to them. They are charming and look up to you, so you trust them, and it all happens very quickly.
Before you know it, you are sharing your fears, desires, and past, and they will use that against you.
Let’s say they want you to do something for them. They will remind you of what they did for you in the past or of the time you disappointed them, so that you will feel guilty and want to reciprocate or make it up to them.
Moral of the story? They got their way.
3) They will gas you.
This is a typical strategy used by a manipulator because it is very effective in confusing you and creating self-doubt. The things they say and do through gaslighting will make you think you’re losing your mind.
But what is gaslighting, and why does it have such a strong effect on you?
When you’re on fire, you’re not sure if you’re being emotionally abused or not. A manipulator does and says things that insult and hurt you because they lack empathy. It creates confusion and self-doubt.
This is a cruel form of manipulation where they make you believe that you misunderstood or misinterpreted what they told you. They are able to change the situation, so you constantly question your perception and understanding of events.
They achieve this by insulting or hurting your feelings; When you confront them about it, they pretend it never happened. You’ll hear, “What, are you crazy?” Or “I never said that.”
Even if you know deep down in your heart that you didn’t confuse what they said or did, they are so convincing that you doubt yourself instead of continuing to doubt them.
One way you can determine if you’re on fire is to confront them about an issue; Pay attention to their reaction. Are they paying attention, or do they immediately deny the role they played by calling you overly sensitive, crazy, or confused?
If, at the end of the conversation, you’re left apologizing when you’re not sure why, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
4) They make others play the manipulation game.
An interesting tactic that narcissists and emotionally abusive individuals use to control their victims involves recruiting other people to do their dirty work.
The people involved in carrying out their plans are known as third parties or flying monkeys. Manipulators will lie to colleagues, friends, and family to put themselves in a positive light or to appear like the victim.
In most cases, a manipulative person will not ask a third party to speak to you directly, but they know how to deceive you and manipulate the situation so that the Flying Monkey feels the need to broach the topic with you.
Let’s say you’re thinking about ending the relationship. They will have their recruiters talk to you in an attempt to convince you to stay.
It’s an unpleasant situation to be in and it puts you under tremendous pressure because, once again, you find yourself questioning your thoughts, choices, and emotions.
Trust your instincts, and don’t listen to people who don’t respect you.
Although not everyone falls for the deceptive tactics of a manipulator, look for people who do and pay attention to signs that you are not happy in the relationship.
5) It reflects what you like and don’t like.
It’s natural to want to be with someone who enjoys the activities you do. Shared interests make it easier to do things together that make you both happy even though you both have a special sense of independence.
But when someone manipulates you indirectly, they will pretend to like all the things you like.
It’s a strategy called “mirroring,” where the manipulator believes that by showing that he or she shares your interests, you’re a match made in heaven!
When you look at all the things you have in common, it becomes difficult to see the manipulation.
However, there is a way you can determine if they are being sneaky about sharing your hobbies.
In conversation, do they push you to find out what your preferences are? Do they speak on your behalf rather than letting you make your own decisions, or perhaps they frequently change their minds after hearing your choices and concerns?
It’s a very subtle type of manipulation that’s hard to pinpoint, especially when you’re in a romantic relationship.
6) They slowly start isolating you.
You may think isolation is a pretty obvious sign, but when you’re caught in a manipulative relationship, you don’t realize you’re isolated until it’s too late.
Manipulators indirectly isolate you from your friends and family through guilt and pressure. It’s not a solid strategy, which is why most people don’t realize it.
Consider this example…
Even though your partner knows that you are outgoing and always have a good relationship with your friends, he or she wants to spend more time with you. To achieve this, they will tell you that you are always with your friends and that you rarely have a good time with them.
Related : 9 clever phrases to put a covert manipulator on the defensive
Even if that’s not true, you feel guilty that they’re being left out, or you wonder if you’re giving them enough attention, and you give up.
Over time, you unplug from friends and family and see them less frequently. At this point, you will hardly notice that the isolation process has begun.
If you’re wondering why a manipulator isolates you, it’s to control you.
Manipulation is hard to spot, and when you’re in a romantic or intimate relationship, you simply don’t see the red flags right in front of you.
But you are not to blame.
Manipulative people have very subtle ways of influencing and controlling you. You might scratch your head after an argument and say, “Did I misunderstand, or maybe I’m just being too sensitive about the whole thing?”
The more you confuse yourself through manipulation and break your self-confidence with backhanded compliments, the more it leads to self-doubt and emotional exhaustion, making it easier to control you.
