Everyone likes to think that they can identify a person with narcissistic personality disorder without difficulty. However, the image you have in mind is likely of someone with an exaggerated personality, high energy, and full of confidence and obvious success. Enter the classic and well-known overt narcissist.

However, there is another, less well-known symptom of this toxic disease. In the world of narcissism, we have the passive narcissist, who looks very different from the overt narcissist. For this reason, these individuals are often not recognized as narcissists by others and often spend their lives under the radar. In this blog, I cover six signs of a covert narcissist.

Show imperfection

While the overt narcissist comes across as in-your-face grandiose and bold, the covert narcissist comes across as shy, insecure, and withdrawn. They project a fragile sense of self to others, full of child-like uncertainty and doubt. Everything about this type of narcissist screams weakness. As a result, other people often feel obligated to care for the covert narcissist, take care of important decisions, and generally carry the burden.

Some covert narcissists may say verbally and in indirect terms that they feel inferior to others, coming out with things like:

“I feel completely different from everyone else around me.”

People with narcissistic personality disorder often speak, whether overtly or covertly, in vague terms about their feelings. The reason for this is twofold. First, narcissists have an underdeveloped true self and have great difficulty understanding and regulating their emotions. So it is logical to think that they would not be able to clearly explain what they feel. Secondly, they tend to enjoy keeping people guessing about their true nature.

Excessive sensitivity to criticism

Next in the covert narcissist test, we’ll deal with criticism. Most people don’t like criticism, even if it’s constructive. However, the passive narcissist is extremely sensitive to even the slightest hint of criticism. Worse still, they often view innocent questions as criticism or at least a challenge to their desired authority. They often react with anger or defensiveness and try to turn the tables by criticizing you instead. Fully expect the narcissist to turn your statement on you. So, if you innocently tell a narcissist that you think he or she is paranoid, he or she will likely respond like a parrot:

“No, I’m not paranoid. I think you’re paranoid.”

Dealing with this type of behavior is endlessly stressful. There is no comfort in living in a narcissist’s hall of mirrors, and even the most patient and collected person will end up losing their temper.

The victim forever

Covert narcissists are quick to play the victim card and position themselves as oppressed or misunderstood. Playing the victim allows them to gain sympathy and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Expect a lot of pity plays, guilt trips, and other manipulative behaviors, all of which are classic signs of a covert narcissist.

“I feel attacked by you and your terrible words. Why am I so misunderstood?”

In the narcissist’s distorted mind, they are entitled to special treatment if they are a victim. They expect to be treated like a spoiled child that they know deep down but spend their lives trying to hide from others. Finally, as the supposed victim, they are never the bad guys (or so they think).

Passive aggression

Covert narcissists are experts at passive-aggressive behavior. The common term used to describe their nature is covert aggressiveness. If they can’t get what they want through manipulation, they may resort to sulking, withholding information, or giving you the silent treatment. They use this behavior to exert control over people and force them to bend to their will, which is common in the book of covert narcissistic tactics.

A covert narcissist is often called a passive narcissist due to their humble and gentle nature. In many ways, they are much more dangerous than outright narcissists because they are often not identified as abusers. Many people are drawn to their facade of care, only to be shocked by their underlying narcissism later on. Unfortunately, it is very common for people to remain in a relationship with a covert narcissist for decades. The other half often suspected something was wrong, but never expected that their partner had a disruptive personality disorder.

Master of the smear campaign

Another sign of a covert narcissist, they are also experts at character assassination. If you cross them, they will do everything in their power to try to ruin your reputation. They may spread rumors about you or talk badly behind your back with others to make you look bad. Spreading unpleasant rumors about you is their way of regaining the upper hand in the relationship.

A smear campaign is perhaps the most insidious of covert narcissistic tactics, as it may be difficult for the victim to place blame. If you find yourself the subject of a smear campaign, try to stay calm and remember that it’s not about you — it’s about the narcissist trying to keep you under his control while simultaneously getting sympathy from strangers.

SecretGreatness

Covert narcissists come across as shy and generally withdrawn from the outside world. But inside, they often feel superior to others and have a strong sense of entitlement. This feeling of superiority helps them justify their need for attention and admiration from others.

Many people are often shocked when they discover this hidden side of the covert narcissist because it seems so unexpected. As a habitually passive narcissist, this breakdown in personality can be a frightening thing to witness. One of the main indicators that you are dealing with a narcissist is realizing that you have no real idea of this person’s true identity.

The signs of a covert narcissist can be difficult to spot because they often appear as the opposite of how you would expect a narcissist to appear. But beneath their shy exterior, covert narcissists suffer from many of the same signs and symptoms as other types of narcissists. As it turns out, the mask is exactly what it says, a mask. Covert and overt narcissists experience identical feelings of shame, emptiness, and deprivation in their hearts.

6 Signs of a Covert Narcissist

Do you think you might know someone who passes the covert narcissist test? If so, understanding the signs of a covert narcissist can help you deal with him better and protect yourself from his manipulative behavior. The tactics these individuals resort to can drain even the most emotionally strong people. Never feel guilty about walking away from a relationship that affects your health or your overall health, regardless of the narcissist’s games and their effect on your psyche. Keep in mind that the power to fix or change this person is not yours and that you are not responsible for how toxic this person’s behavior is.