Dealing with the aftermath of a breakup can be difficult. However, when your ex is a narcissist, you may feel like you’re trapped in a never-ending emotional game. Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and one common tactic they use is to try to maintain a “friendship” after the relationship ends. It may seem harmless at first, but there are often ulterior motives at play. In this article, we’ll explore six suspicious reasons why your narcissistic ex might want to stay friends with you, and how to recognize these tactics to protect yourself.

1. They Want to Maintain Control Over You

One of the core traits of narcissists is their need for control. When the relationship ends, they may struggle to give up the power they once had. Staying friends is their way of keeping you in their orbit. They may pretend to be caring and considerate, but deep down, they still crave the power to manipulate your emotions and decisions. By staying in touch, they can continue to influence your life, even if only on an emotional level.

Warning Sign: If your ex constantly manipulates conversations to make you feel guilty or obligated, this is a clear sign that they are trying to maintain control over you.

2. They Want to Keep You as an Emotional Backup

Narcissists thrive on admiration and attention. When a relationship ends, they often lose their primary source of validation. Staying “friends” gives them a way to keep you as an emotional backup. They may use you to boost their ego by seeking compliments, asking for advice, or venting about their new life. Essentially, they want to keep you around for emotional support without offering anything in return.

Warning Sign: Notice if your ex never seems to care about your well-being, but is always quick to unload their emotional burdens on you.

3. They Want to Keep Their Options Open

Sometimes, narcissists view relationships as opportunities to boost their image. Even after a breakup, they may not want to cut ties entirely because keeping you as a friend gives them options. If things aren’t working out with their new partner, or if they need a quick boost in their self-esteem, they may consider you a fallback. Staying friends gives them the flexibility to come back to you when it’s convenient, even if they’re not really interested in your life.

Warning Sign: If your ex frequently talks about their new relationships or casually hints that they might come back to you later, this is a sign that they’re keeping you as a fallback.

4. They Try to Avoid Accountability

In any relationship, both partners contribute to the dynamic. However, narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. By staying friends with you, they can avoid the hard work of facing up to their mistakes and dealing with the consequences of their behavior. They may want to stay in your life so that they can continue to project an image of being the “good guy,” all while avoiding any blame for the issues that led to the breakup.

Red Flag: If your ex avoids discussing any serious topics or blames you for everything, it’s clear that they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.

5. They Want to Manipulate Your Future Relationships

A narcissist can be incredibly possessive. After a breakup, if they still want to be “friends,” it could be because they’re trying to influence your future relationships. They may subtly undermine your self-esteem or make you question your new partner’s motives. Their goal is to keep you emotionally entangled with them so that you don’t move on fully. This can be incredibly damaging to your emotional health and your ability to form healthy new relationships.

Red Flag: If your ex makes derogatory comments about your new relationships or subtly sabotages them, this is a clear sign of manipulation.

Also read: Falling in Love with a Narcissist: 5 Things to Expect

6. They Want to Maintain Their Sense of Superiority

Narcissists need to feel superior, and one of the easiest ways to maintain that feeling is by staying close to their exes. If they can stay friends with you, it gives them a sense of control and validation. They can see you as someone they “care about” while still putting themselves in a position of power. This feeds their ego and reinforces their sense of superiority, which is essential to their self-image.

Warning Sign: Pay attention if your ex constantly talks about how “great” they are, or if they seem to talk down to you when you’re around.

Conclusion

While it may be tempting to agree to be “friends” with your narcissistic ex, it’s important to recognize the subtle and not-so-subtle ways they may be manipulating the situation. Narcissists thrive on attention, validation, and control, and staying friends gives them a way to maintain that dynamic. Protecting yourself means setting boundaries and recognizing when your ex is using these shady tactics.