Narcissists’ behavior can be counterproductive to their goals and happiness. Here are some specific ways these behaviors show up. Do you recognize any of these behaviors in others, or even yourself?
- They don’t respect other people’s time.
Narcissists see their agenda as very important. This can lead to disrespecting other people’s time, whether it’s sending work emails after hours, excessive direct messages, or annoying coworkers with their latest interests, ideas, travel experiences, or weekend accomplishments. They typically monopolize more than 50% of conversations and ignore others’ hints that they need to focus on other things.
In a time-crunched world, people tend to react badly to others disrespecting their time. This can lead to ostracism or gossip within the group, which ultimately works against the narcissist, who loses the respect of coworkers.
- They burn relationships with bizarre behavior.
Narcissists are often very assertive in the way they do things: they may become aggressive or overly persistent with a customer service representative to get what they want. One problem with this is when the individual does this in front of other people who are horrified by the behavior. For example, acting this way in front of their mother-in-law, who never forgets how embarrassing it is.
- They fail to see when they are crossing the ethical line.
Narcissists are often so wrapped up in their perspective that they may not realize when what they are proposing crosses the ethical line of others, or that what they are saying is indifferent. For example, a narcissist might propose a type of automation for businesses that would put a bunch of people out of work. They only see the positive side of the business, not the human element. What they consider wonderful is seen by others as scary and an invasion of privacy, but they don’t realize it. A narcissistic leader can alienate customers or employees in this way.
The narcissist sees the rules as not applying to them or doesn’t expect to face any significant consequences for breaking them. Maybe their apartment building doesn’t allow people to rent out their apartments while they’re away through Airbnb, but the narcissist does it anyway. Eventually, they may face negative consequences for ignoring such rules, laws, or social norms.
- They fail to listen when others try to give them helpful feedback.
When narcissists ask for feedback, they are often just looking for admiration. They devalue others and thus dismiss feedback that others offer them, even when it’s potentially helpful. The person they’ve asked for feedback from feels disrespected and has a low opinion of the narcissist.
- They put their safety (and the safety of others) at risk because they believed in their abilities.
I’m thinking especially of driving here: the narcissist may brag about driving well over the speed limit without realizing it when others see this as selfish, irresponsible, and disruptive, especially if they’re driving with their children or other family members.
- They expect others to help them, but they don’t return the favor.
Narcissists rarely go out of their way to help others, but they fully expect others to help them. They see the help they receive as no big deal, even if it requires a lot of effort from the person providing it. Eventually, people recognize this pattern and become less willing to help, thereby hurting the narcissist’s ability to move forward.
If you have a coworker, friend, or family member who is a narcissist, understanding these patterns can help you not personalize their behavior and recognize patterns sooner. If you see yourself engaging in these behaviors yourself, you can modify these tendencies for better relationships, greater success and happiness, and less exposure to potentially negative consequences.
