If you know someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you know exactly what it feels like to be caught lying. Sometimes, their lies can seem so obvious that you can’t understand why they won’t admit it.
However, narcissism and lying go hand in hand. So how do you get a narcissist to tell the truth?
Can you convince them to tell you the truth? Is there an effective strategy you can use to get them to admit they’re lying? And what should you do if you keep getting caught in a vicious cycle of lies? Let’s get started.
Do narcissists know they’re lying?
The answer depends on each case, but it’s important to understand the nature of narcissism to understand how they identify with the truth.
Narcissists’ skewed worldview
It’s no surprise that narcissists have a worldview that’s very different from everyone else’s. If you spend just a few moments with a narcissist, you’ll quickly notice this disparity.
They have an inflated ego and often see things in absolute, rigid terms. They believe they are morally superior to everyone else. They often don’t like the truth, because the truth makes them feel bad. They prefer their own perception of the world.
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Furthermore, when they feel their power or control is threatened, they often react violently and impulsively. At this point, self-preservation is the top priority. They will do whatever they can to protect themselves.
WhenLiesLookLikeTruths
Because narcissists see the world differently, they see their truth differently as well.
They often view their feelings as facts. If they think something is wrong, they don’t label it as just a thought.
To them, it’s their truth. And because they believe this truth 100%, they don’t realize that it may be distorted.
Narcissists also tend to automatically justify their lies. For this reason, they don’t necessarily label lying as a problem.
Instead, they see it as a means to an end. Sometimes, they dismiss it so quickly that they don’t even recognize it as a lie.
Additionally, many narcissists actually believe their own lies. This often happens when they make empty promises.
In doing so, they may assume that they will follow through on what they say.
They may even make a genuine attempt to change. However, once things return to normal, narcissists typically ignore or completely forget their promise.
In most cases, narcissists cannot distinguish between their truth and objective truth. You only have to look at any narcissistic leader or politician to witness this behavior. They stand by their beliefs and dismiss anyone who believes otherwise.
When Narcissists Lie on Purpose
In other cases, narcissists lie on purpose because they have a specific motive.
For example, if you ask a narcissist if they stole money from you, they will likely deny the behavior. This is not surprising. Very few people will actually admit to something so terrible.
Instead, they may try to convince you that you are crazy or that you have overlooked something.
Narcissists are not stupid. In their minds, they know they are lying. However, they have already justified the behavior, so it makes sense to them. There is no reason for them to think about the consequences associated with lying.
Can you ask a narcissist to tell you the truth?
You can, but that doesn’t mean you will get a straight answer. Narcissists play by their own rules.
They decide how and when to interact with people. After that, they also decide what is and isn’t appropriate for them to share.
Narcissists don’t follow normal communication protocols. They use communication to get their needs met.
It’s not about connecting, validating, or reassuring others. So, even if you demand the truth, it doesn’t mean they’ll give it to you.
For narcissists, self-preservation trumps building meaningful, fulfilling relationships.
6 Ways to Get a Narcissist to Tell the Truth!
First, it’s important to remember that you can’t control anyone but yourself.
This is especially true of your interactions with narcissists. There’s no way to guarantee that they’re being completely honest, even if they promise to be honest.
Most of the time, narcissists don’t respond with straight facts. The truth may come out, but you often need to sort it out from their many manipulation tactics. This requires you to understand the following signs.
How to Get a Narcissist to Tell the Truth?
They Tell the Truth When They Need Something from You
They Have Angry Confessions
They Tell the Truth by Telling You Half-Truths
They Drop You
They Tell the Truth Followed by a Fake Apology
They Tell Someone Else the Truth
- They Need Something from You
Narcissists don’t always lie. Often, they will be honest when it comes to their truth. Let’s see how this works.
I love this dinner! You should make it more often. It’s delicious.
The narcissist wants you to keep pleasing them. They use praise and flattery to encourage you to please them. However, don’t be surprised if they seemingly change their story the next time you make this meal!
Narcissists can change their minds frequently. Additionally, if they get annoyed with you, they may trick you into questioning your reality.
I’m not very good at writing project proposals. Would you be willing to help me? I know you’re good at this kind of thing.
Narcissists are willing to admit weakness when they want to get out of something. This can happen if they think a task is beneath them or when they don’t want to do it at all. Again, they often resort to flattery to convince you to help them.
I’m late. Go ahead and start without me.
This means they don’t care about the meeting. They’re hoping to miss it!
If a narcissist needs something, they’re often not shy about asking for it outright.
Interestingly, people tend to comply with their requests most of the time. Everyone loves to feel flattered, and a simple compliment can motivate someone to do something they wouldn’t normally do.
In other cases, people don’t want to deal with the consequences associated with a disappointing narcissist. They would rather comply than cause conflict.
- Angry Confessions
If you keep acting this way, I’m going to end this deal.
Stop acting so irrationally. It makes me want to stop trusting you.
You’re crazy! Anyone else would leave you in my position.
Have you ever been around an angry narcissist? Think about how his or her communication comes across.
It’s usually erratic, loud, and sometimes downright bizarre. However, if you pay attention to the anger and try to differentiate between his or her words and actions, you may hear exactly what his or her intentions are.
However, most people typically dismiss a narcissist’s anger as just anger. They dismiss his or her words as emotionally charged.
Don’t make this mistake. Narcissists tend to feel most comfortable sitting in their anger. If anything, it’s where they’re most honest about their needs, feelings, and plans.
- Half-Truths
Half-truths are exactly what they sound like. They occur when a narcissist is being partially honest. But with this strategy, they tend to only be honest about the finer details rather than the important ones.
For example, if you suspect they’re cheating on you, they might claim they’re working late at the office. But if they’re cheating on a coworker, that’s a great example of a half-truth!
Or, if you suspect they’re hiding financial issues from you, they might claim they “lost a lot of money in the stock market.” While this may be true, they may choose to avoid telling you that they were also compulsively gambling.
Half-truths are designed to throw you off track. Narcissists know that the best lies contain some grains of truth. They hope you’ll stick to their truths without checking the rest of the information.
Half-truths can also protect them if you catch them lying. They can focus on the truth part of their claim and insist that they weren’t lying.
- They Project You
It’s only a matter of time before you leave.
I bet you’re telling all your friends how awful I am.
You waste a lot of time caring about what other people think.
Projection is when someone blames you for something they do. If a narcissist starts blaming you for something out of nowhere, it may reveal some truth about what they’re doing behind your back.
Projection tends to happen subconsciously. It’s usually a way to reconcile your own feelings or experiences. Narcissists project others all the time. However, it can be hard to tell the difference between typical manipulation tactics and the real truth.
- They bombard you with false apologies
Yes, I did it, but it was only because I wanted to protect you!
Even if it’s true, it’s no big deal. No one else would care.
I’m sorry this affected you so much.
Sometimes, the truth can come out during a false apology. This usually happens when they feel cornered and have no choice but to admit their behavior.
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But the apology isn’t genuine. It also doesn’t really assume personal responsibility for the lie. Instead, they tend to awkwardly wrap their truth in justifications, manipulation, and manipulation.
- They tell someone else the truth
I don’t want to tell her what’s going on, but let me tell you what’s going on.
I know you can handle the truth, but please keep it between us.
Narcissists sometimes like to make others feel special by sharing their truth with them.
They tend to make this known to everyone as a special privilege. Then, they often pressure the other person to keep their secret.
Is it worth confronting a narcissist about their lies?
Since narcissists are so skilled at manipulation, confrontation strategies usually don’t work. Instead, if you confront a narcissist about their lie, they tend to respond in extreme ways.
- Deny the behavior
I never said that!
You see it as completely wrong.
It didn’t happen that way.
For a narcissist, denial tends to be the easiest and most straightforward solution. They just refuse to admit that they did anything wrong. They may then turn it against you by claiming that you’re imagining things or exaggerating the situation.
- Justify the behavior
I had no choice!
Anyone would have done that if they were in my shoes.
You don’t understand how I feel.
To get around admitting the lie, the narcissist may hound you with all the reasons why the lie was justified. This is a distraction technique, but it can effectively convince you that their lie was justified.
- Discrediting You in Front of Others
To punish you for revealing their truth, the narcissist may try to discredit you in order to gain the approval of others.
This can happen immediately or gradually—it all depends on the narcissist’s intentions.
- Evasion and Denial
We just need to move on from this!
It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life.
Just forget about it.
Narcissists often downplay or ignore their lies by trying to divert your attention elsewhere. This technique is designed to make you feel like you’re overreacting.
- Physical Violence
In extreme cases, narcissists may resort to violence when they feel threatened. Violence ranges in severity, including everything from hitting or slapping to severe physical or sexual assault.
If you are concerned about your safety, make sure you have a safety plan. Seek support from a trusted family member or friend.
Can a Narcissist Be Honest? How to Trick a Narcissist into Telling the Truth?
For a narcissist to be completely honest, it means they need to recognize their behavior. Most of the time, they can’t.
The answer isn’t to trick the narcissist. The answer is to know your truth.
Listen to your gut if you suspect the narcissist is lying to you. Trust your feelings. They may be telling you something.
Keep in mind that most narcissists don’t change their behavior. In many ways, they just become more adept at telling stories. They also tend to find more people who will enable their behavior.
Remember, your goal isn’t to extract the truth from the narcissist. Instead, it should be about respecting your boundaries, your well-being, and your personal safety.
