Why an intelligent person stays in an abusive relationship is a mystery to many, including you, the victim. You are labeled and blamed as needy, codependent, or an enabler.

When two people are under the influence of love, they are interconnected, interconnected, and interdependent.

Everything each does serves the relationship. The two become one – a team that depends on and depends on each other. You have each other’s back. Your joy grows.

But with abuse, this tied relationship becomes self-serving and thus loses its integrity.

Here are six harsh reasons why smart people stay in toxic relationships:

1. Your abuser cheated on you

Lies and deception make you feel confused and helpless, and even wonder if you are going crazy. Deception, the pinnacle of unscrupulous behavior, causes a cloud of ambivalence that freezes your ability to remain safe from abuse.

The combination of helplessness, betrayal, and contradiction overwhelms the brain. At these times, the brain may release oxytocin (the love hormone) to maintain connection and promote closeness. Instinctively, you respond by repairing the connection to regain the security you had in the relationship before.

In essence, your biology drives you to see your abuser through eyes of compassion and love.

Related: Brené Brown’s Quip To Tim Ferriss Might Shift Your Perspective On Narcissists

2. They use destructive conditioning

The narcissist conditions you to be afraid to do the same things that once made your life fulfilling because they now bring you frustration or anxiety. Over time, you will learn to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse and disrespect. Your ineffectiveness in being able to influence your partner makes you feel incompetent.

Conditioning silences you and withers your self-esteem.

3. They assert dominance and control over you

Entitlement and exploitation are hallmarks of a malignant narcissist. The abuser’s goal is to keep you attached to him or her.

Control and domination begin in subtle ways. The most powerful weapon an abuser uses is to manipulate your emotions. The more control you have over your emotions, the less likely you are to trust your reality and your inner wisdom. The abuser parasitically drains your strength, sense of self, and dignity.

4. They don’t respect you and mistreat you

Abuse is about a power imbalance. The abuser exploits your weaknesses and takes advantage of the strengths you bring to the relationship. Emotional abuse uses a combination of components: control, entitlement, excuses, justifications, and blaming the victim to diminish your power.

When you try to protect yourself, passive-aggressive behaviors or anger are used to scare you and keep you in fear of losing the relationship. Your head spins with confusion and guilt for not doing enough for your narcissist.

Related: Experts Reveal The Most Damaging Lies We Learn From Narcissistic Parents

5. They highlight you

Gaslighting is a form of thought control and brainwashing. The toxic person slowly convinces you to question your perception of reality and believe that the problem is not the abuse itself, but rather your reactions to the abuse.

The abuser uses gaslighting as entertainment to see you stressed, and it is a quick and effective solution to end conversations and redirect the focus to what the narcissist calls your problems, for example, nagging, controlling, or being overly emotional. You are mired in self-doubt and anxiety.

6. They create destructive trauma bonds with you

A betrayal is a form of abandonment that can create painful bonds between the abuser and you, the victim.

In these exploitative relationships, your interests, personality, and well-being are constantly ignored and neglected. Betrayal includes experiences of cheating, lying, breaking trust, failing to defend or protect, and not being a priority.

These trauma bonds occur when a victim clings to someone destructive to him or her because there is a danger or something they fear (often, the loss of a relationship). Attachment is an addictive attachment to the person who is hurting you. In essence, the brain is tricked into believing that it needs the relationship to survive.

Because the relationship has positive attributes, you may blame yourself for the abuser’s negative behavior and perhaps try to turn him or her into a non-abuser.

Trauma bonds attract emptiness, unfinished business, wounds, and trauma from your past. There is an unspoken, even unconscious, hope that this relationship will compensate for those previous losses.

Most people have unhealed wounds from the past; Therefore, traumatic attachment can happen to almost anyone.

Abuse strips you of your sense of dignity and freedom of choice. The guilt, self-doubt, and anxiety you feel have been manufactured by your malignant narcissist. Seek the help of people you trust and a counselor to help you navigate your healing journey where you can live freely and in peace and find true love.

You deserve respect, love, commitment, and protection. My goal is to empower and educate so that you have the tools to avoid people who are incapable of expressing love as well as to support your healing journey when love and loveless collide. You are equipped to give and receive courageous love.

Related: Experts Reveal The One Thing A Narcissist Always Does At The End Of A Relationship