Have you ever felt like a target in someone else’s game? Recognizing manipulative tactics can help you create boundaries with people with a narcissistic personality.

Maybe you’re not sure if someone with a narcissistic personality has played games with you. Or if a person who tends to use manipulative tactics suffers from this condition.

Maybe you’ve been in a whirlwind romance, only to find that the object of your affection explodes without warning. Or maybe you discovered that one of your friends intentionally pitted you against someone else.

It’s normal to feel devastated and confused after this kind of experience.

And if you’re in any type of relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), you may feel this way a lot.

Are they the bad guy? Not real. People with narcissistic personality symptoms live with a complex and often stigmatized mental health condition. However, understanding this does not always make it easier for you.

But learning to recognize the games people with a narcissistic personality play — and other repetitive narcissistic behaviors — can help you set some necessary boundaries.

Why do people with narcissistic personalities use manipulation games?

The causes and how of narcissistic personality disorder are complex and, in many cases, not well understood. There are also different manifestations of narcissism, meaning that not everyone with a narcissistic personality experiences or expresses it in the same way.

A person with this disorder may appear to you as someone with high self-esteem. However, behind the attitude of superiority, there is often a person who is weak and may feel helpless.

As a result, they may seek external validation and status and have a strong need for control.

Related : Why Do Some People With Narcissistic Personality Act in Vindictive Ways?

In this process, a person with a narcissistic personality may develop very complex self-defense mechanisms, including manipulative tactics.

They also tend to have low empathy and find it difficult to invest emotionally in others. This may also lead to the use of manipulative tactics and a lack of awareness or concern about the consequences for you.

But low empathy does not mean no empathy. Therefore, not everyone who suffers from this disorder necessarily uses manipulative tactics.

A 2018 study suggests that people with covert or overt narcissism tend to make unethical decisions and behave in unethical ways.

The most important games that people with a narcissistic personality play

For people with narcissistic personality disorder, relationships often revolve around meeting their own needs. This may involve the need to constantly feel admired and powerful.

If this external validation is not received, there is little they can rely on.

A person with a narcissistic personality may feel the need to maintain control at all costs, even at your expense.

Just remember that this is not a personal choice they are making. These are characteristics of the condition they live with.

Related : 12 Survival Tips for Living with a Narcissist

Of course, not everyone who plays these relationship games has narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, you may have used some of these methods yourself at some point.

Anyone can use manipulation techniques or any of the games mentioned here without having narcissistic personality disorder.

The difference is that for someone with a narcissistic personality, these behaviors are not rare or situational. It’s the way they work in relationships all the time.

Mind manipulation

You may have heard of gaslighting since the term has received a lot of attention in the past few years.

It’s actually inspired by an old movie called “Gaslight,” where a husband tries to make his wife feel like she’s losing her mind.

In fact, this is the basic idea behind gas lighting.

Gaslighting is a form of extreme emotional manipulation where the goal of gaslighting is to sow seeds of confusion. This is intended to make you doubt your thoughts, emotions, or reality.

Narcissistic gaslighting is usually a long-term, gradual technique. The ultimate goal is to keep you under tight control and dependability.

For example, during breakfast, you ask your partner to pick up milk from the store on his way home. When the time comes, they arrive without milk. When you point this out, their response is, “You never told me that! You’re imagining it.”

The problem is that the more people gaslight you, the more you start to doubt yourself and wonder if they are right. Dealing with gaslighting can take a toll on your self-esteem and mental health.

More common ways to gaslight someone? “I did it because I love you”, “You are too sensitive”, “No one has done for you what I have”.

Love bombing

If you think it’s too early for someone to love you this much, it probably is. It was also possible that they bombed you.

Love bombing can take many forms, but it’s usually someone who pushes too far too soon.

For example, if someone says “You’re amazing” or “I’ve never met someone like you,” when in fact they don’t know you at all.

This may also include showering you with expensive gifts, flowers, lavish dinners, and conversations together forever.

It can also include more extreme behaviors such as stalking and jealous attacks.

Being love bombed can be a lot of fun sometimes. Because of this, you may feel like responding to all these romantic gestures.

But before you do that, consider doing two things:

Go beyond their words and gestures and focus on how much they really have to do to establish all this love.
Ask yourself if you feel increasingly committed to this person or committed to messaging when you’re not otherwise interested.
A love bomber is someone who seeks your attention and dependency. Once this goal is achieved and engagement is achieved, the love bomber will likely lose interest and, in most cases, take advantage of how you now feel about him.

Examples of love bombing someone include a range of behaviors:

• Giving an almost “obsessive” kind of attention and not taking “no” for an answer.
• Trying to make you feel guilty for not having the same feelings.
• Rejecting your friends or other people in your life.
• Plan your entire life around their dreams and fantasies.
• Frequently showing up unannounced or making plans for the two of you without asking first.
• Demanding more affection and attention from you in the name of their giving you so much.
• Saying “I love you” or claiming that you are his soulmate after he has known you for a very short time.
• She gets upset when you ask for space or have your own plans without her.

Why does love bombing happen?

A person with a narcissistic personality may have difficulty forming healthy attachments.

This doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy excitement and romance. But once that excitement wears off and they catch you, they usually decide to go somewhere else.

The possibility of winning is what keeps them interested. This responds to their need for attention and superiority. They want to feel like they can get you, and that they have the upper hand.