We all want to be in happy, healthy, and loving relationships. However, the secret to a happy and fulfilling relationship seems elusive to most people, which then leads them to ignore the red flags that a toxic relationship may be showing them.
Let’s unravel the mystery of this secret ingredient together.
The main component that defines a happy and healthy relationship is the absence of dependence on others.
Relationships, in which one or more partners are codependent, will not be happy, healthy, or fulfilling because they have an imbalance of power dynamics and people will be constantly playing one game or one.
Codependent people aren’t necessarily bad, but they lack the maturity and skills to be in a mature, healthy relationship. They have a lot of work to do in terms of recovery before they can appear fully and authentically in relationships.
They must learn to be independent first and take charge of their lives and their happiness before they can enter into mature bonding relationships. Otherwise, they will continue to be needy and possessive and indulge in self-sabotaging behavior that will eventually destroy their relationship.
I’ve compiled a list of warning signs that someone is codependent, or emotionally unstable, and you may need to handle them with caution.
Watch out for these signs early in the relationship and save yourself from heartbreak because these are bright red signs of a toxic relationship:
- They move too fast in a relationship.
If a guy is interested in you too soon and you try to get close to him too quickly, that’s a stark red flag. If they want to know everything that happened in your life right off the bat, they may feel the urge to do so because of the excessive interest. He may also be affected by what appears to be an instant connection but the other person may be just digging up your vulnerability to play you.
Be wary of anyone who moves too fast in a relationship. You don’t need to share your personal stories from the start. Take your time and only share your personal stories when someone gains that much trust and space in your life.
If anyone tries to move too fast and gets close too soon, learn to slow down and set limits. Healthy relationships have a natural rhythm and flow. Let your connection grow organically.
Related: Why Do We Love Difficult Partners? A Spiritual Approach
- They lack integrity.
When someone has integrity, their actions match their words.
It is very easy to determine if someone’s actions do not match their words. But sometimes when we like someone, we overlook the obvious. We go with the story in our heads about how we want this person to be rather than trusting what we see with our own eyes.
Please do not ignore your feedback and intuition even if it is disappointing. A person who says one thing and does another lacks integrity and cannot be trusted.
If you ignore your gut instincts and obvious signs and start giving him the benefit of the doubt, he will know that you don’t know how to draw boundaries or that you are unable to hold him accountable for his behavior; He will start taking you for granted.
- You lose balance when you are near them.
When I say imbalance, I don’t mean imbalance in love. I mean, you don’t feel like yourself when you’re with them.
When you lose your center and start doing things that go against your value system and gut feelings, you will feel out of balance.
You may feel like you’re only doing this to please your partner and it’s a one-time thing, but once you start this habit of putting someone’s needs before your own at the expense of your comfort, it becomes really hard to recover and stand up for yourself. You will create a power dynamic where it will be very clear to your partner that you are okay with giving your power away and they can easily manipulate you.
It is important to be true to yourself and your values and walk our path even if it means you may lose people in the process.
There is no point in being in a relationship where you lose yourself.
“The truth is, we tend to train people how we want to be treated. If others know you have dull boundaries, they will be free to walk all over you; the results… become doormats. We have already trained others to do this when we allow people to wipe their feet.” Muddy on us. After all, we’re doormats.” – David W. Earle LBC – Love Isn’t Enough
- Your body rejects its energy.
Our bodies and instincts are smarter than we know. If you feel tension in your body or a tight sensation in your gut, when you are with someone, your body is rejecting their energy.
You may not have a logical reason but you trust your intuition. Either really dig this person out and find out their true motives or simply walk away from them. Our bodies and guts have a way of picking up energies, and if you feel slight discomfort or fear in someone’s presence, it’s wise to listen to your body and tread carefully.
- They have a lot of skeletons in their closet.
If someone comes to you with sad stories about how they were treated unfairly in the past, by their bosses, girlfriends, or their mother and are looking for comfort in your loving arms, they don’t adore you but are just looking for a savior.
You are not here to save anyone or be his mother. Run girl.
Related: 16 Painful Things I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me
- It feels like you’re on a roller coaster ride.
Do you feel that you cannot predict his behavior? One day he calls you ten times a day and then forgets to check your text messages for the next five days and then again texts that you are showering his love and affection on you because nothing happened.
This intermittent, unexciting attention may seem full of passion at first but is exhausting and draining in the long run.
A healthy relationship feels secure, and stable, and doesn’t make you feel like you’re feeling second-hand. Also, it is very important to be on the same page with your partner in terms of your expectations from the relationship.
Can look forward to a serious relationship and may be looking for a relationship. Such a divergence of expectations would create friction and confusion in the long term.
It is best to be clear about each other’s motivations for being in a relationship so that you can make an informed decision about whether you want to stay in the relationship or move on. I know it can be hard to let go of someone you love, but if you see these warning signs in a relationship, you better tread carefully.
It helps to observe reality and facts from a particular case detached and distant rather than being carried away by emotions.
“Detachment also includes acceptance of reality—the facts. It requires faith—in us, in God, in other people, and the natural order and destiny of things in this world. We believe in the rightness and propriety of every moment. We let go of our burdens and our worries, and we give ourselves the freedom to enjoy life despite our troubles.” Unresolved. We trust that everything is fine despite the conflicts. We trust that someone greater than we know has arranged, and cares about what is happening. We understand that this person can do more to solve the problem than we can. So we try to stay out of his way and let him do it. Over time, we know all is well because we see how the strangest (and sometimes most painful) things work out for the best and the good of everyone.” – Melody Beattie, Don’t Be Codependent: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Taking Care of Yourself
