the main points
Narcissists replace their true self with an alternate personality that is grandiose, “above others,” self-absorbed, and extremely conceited.
Gaslighting is a form of constant manipulation and brainwashing that makes the victim doubt themselves.
While the narcissist lies and exaggerates to bolster his fragile self-worth, the narcissist does so to increase his dominance and control.
“Some people try to become tall by cutting off other people’s heads.” – Paramahansa Yogananda
Psychologist Steven Johnson writes that a narcissist is someone who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed compensatory false self.” This alter ego often comes across as arrogant, “above others,” self-absorbed, and extremely conceited.
Gaslighting is a form of constant manipulation and brainwashing that makes the victim doubt themselves, and ultimately lose their sense of awareness, identity, and self-worth. A gas worker’s statements and accusations are often based on deliberate lies and calculated marginalization. The term “Gaslighting” is derived from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is crazy by making her doubt herself and her reality.
Related : 5 Ways Narcissists Damage Loving Relationships
Multiple studies and writings have been conducted on the impact of narcissism and shed light on relationships (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6). While each of these often devastating diseases is unique, there are some behavioral overlaps. Here are six common traits, with references from my books: How to Successfully Deal with Narcissists and How to Successfully Deal with Gaslighters and Stop Psychological Bullying. Not all narcissists and gaslighters possess all of the characteristics listed below. However, chronic narcissists and gas users are likely to exhibit at least several of the following symptoms on a regular basis.
- Many lies and exaggerations
Both narcissists and gaslighters are prone to frequent lies and exaggerations (about themselves and others) and tend to elevate themselves by belittling others. While narcissists often seek to make themselves seem superior and “special” through bragging, bragging, taking undeserved credit, and other forms of self-aggrandizement, narcissists tend to focus on making you feel inferior through false accusations and constant criticism. And psychological intimidation. . Both narcissists and gaslighters can be skilled at distorting facts, deliberate lies, character assassination, and negative coercion. One key difference is that while a narcissist lies and exaggerates to bolster his fragile self-worth, a narcissistic person does so to increase his dominance and control. - They rarely admit faults and are very aggressive when criticized
Many narcissists and gaslighters have thin skin and can react poorly when called out on their negative behavior. When challenged, the narcissist is likely to fight (e.g., tantrum, making excuses, denial, blaming, hypersensitivity, etc.) or flee (slamming, avoidance, silent treatment, sulky resentment, or other forms of hatred). . passive aggression). Manipulators almost always resort to escalation by doubling or tripling their false accusations or coercion, to intimidate or suppress their opponent. Many gas workers view relationships as inherently competitive rather than cooperative; A zero-sum game where the winner or loser is on top or on bottom. “Attack is the best defense” is a motto for many gas users, which also represents their aggressive style of dealing with people. - False image projection
“My husband always wants people to see him as successful, strong, and worthy of envy, no matter how shaky his real life is.” – An unknown partner of the narcissist
Both narcissists and gaslighters tend to project false, idealized images of themselves to the world, in order to hide their inner insecurities. Many narcissists like to impress others by making themselves look good on the outside. This “Grail Complex” can manifest itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally. The basic message of this show is: “I’m better than you!” Or “Look how special I am – I deserve everyone’s love, admiration and acceptance!”
On the other hand, gaslighters often create an idealized self-image of being the dominant and oppressive male or female in personal relationships, in the workplace, or in high-ranking positions in society (e.g., politics, media). Many gaslighters like to falsely view themselves as powerful and able to issue judgments and punishments at will. Critics of sick gases often pride themselves on and self-enhance themselves by marginalizing those they consider weaker, believing the meek to deserve their persecuted fate. They attack their victims with direct or covert cruelty and contempt, derive sadistic pleasure from these crimes, and reveal their lack of empathy and humanity.
In essence, narcissists want others to worship them, while gaslighters want others to submit to them. In a large way, these external facades become pivotal parts of their false identities, replacing their true, insecure self.
- Violating rules and violating boundaries
Many narcissists and gaslighters enjoy getting away with violating social rules and norms. Examples of narcissistic transgression include cutting in line, chronic tipping, invading personal space, borrowing things without returning them, using other people’s property without asking, disobeying traffic laws, breaking appointments, and denying promises. Examples of gaslighting include direct or subtle disparaging remarks, public or private defamation and humiliation, sarcastic humor and sarcastic comments, online trolling, angry and hate speech, and malicious attacks on undesirable individuals and groups.
Both narcissistic and false boundary violations assume entitlement, with a narrow and selfish orientation that oppresses and dehumanizes their victims. In severe cases, this boundary violation disease may lead to illicit and deceptive dealings, financial abuse, sexual harassment, date rape, domestic abuse, hate crimes, human rights violations, and other forms of criminality. Many narcissists and gaslighters take pride in their destructive behaviors, as their machinations provide them with a hollow (and hopeless) sense of superiority and privilege.
- Emotional invalidation and coercion
Although narcissists and gas users can be (but not always) physically abusive, for the majority of their victims, the emotional suffering is where the damage is most painful. Both narcissists and gaslighters enjoy spreading and stimulating negative emotions in order to feel powerful, and to keep you insecure and off balance. They typically invalidate other people’s thoughts, feelings, and priorities, and show little remorse for causing pain to people in their lives. They often blame their victims for causing their own harm (“You wouldn’t get yelled at if you weren’t so stupid!”).
In addition, many narcissists and gaslighters suffer from unpredictable mood swings and are prone to emotional drama – you never know what might upset or irritate them. They are disturbed by any signs of independence and self-assertion (“Who do you think you are!?”). They become agitated if you disagree with their views or fail to meet their expectations. As mentioned earlier, they are sensitive to criticism, but quick to judge others. By keeping you down and making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego and make them feel more secure about themselves.
- Manipulation: Using or controlling others as an extension of oneself
Both narcissists and gaslighters tend to make decisions on behalf of others to suit their own agenda. Narcissists may use their romantic partner, child, family, friend, or colleague to fulfill unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover up weaknesses and flaws. Narcissists are also fond of using guilt, blame, and victimhood as tools of manipulation.
Charlatans psychologically manipulate individuals and groups through constant distortion of reality, with the aim of making their victims doubt themselves and feel less confident. In personal and/or professional settings, they manipulate through micromanagement of relationships (control), including telling others how they should think, feel, and act under unreasonable restrictions and scrutiny by the manipulators. They often become critical, angry, fearful, and/or hostile toward those who fail to obey their directions. Gaslighting is often highly aggressive, with punitive actions (tangible or psychological) implemented towards those who fail to recognize and obey their own authority.
Perhaps the biggest difference between narcissists and gas users is that narcissists use and exploit, while gas users dominate and control. While the narcissist does this to compensate for a desperate feeling of inferiority (of being unloved as their true self), the narcissist does this to hide a constant insecurity (of being powerless and out of control). Both of these pathologies reveal an inability and/or unwillingness to relate to people authentically and fairly as human beings. They become “special” and “superior” by being less human and by dehumanizing others.
