It can be very difficult to recognize the traits of toxic people, especially with the prevalence of online anonymity. When is someone a kind of bad influence, and when is it toxic?
When is someone just in a bad mood, doesn’t handle stress well, or is just plain toxic? Is there any way to truly identify toxic traits in the people around you? Psychologists have been trying to find answers to these questions for a long time.
Complicating the issue is that people with specific personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder can exhibit some toxic traits. This does not mean that they are toxic people. But how, then, do we differentiate between truly toxic people and those who may be exhibiting some toxic behavior?
Toxic comes in many forms
Some people are completely toxic to everyone and should not be allowed to take care of houseplants, let alone anyone else. Others will only target certain groups, and they’ll be completely fine with others.
Both groups of people are bad to deal with, but the second group is worse overall and has permanent toxic traits. The second group is the most difficult to defend against.
6 Behavioral signs of a toxic person
- They blame you
The most terrible feature is the blame game. Have you heard what the internet calls the narcissist mantra? This did not happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t so bad.
And if so, that’s not a big deal.
And if so, it’s not my fault.
And if so, I didn’t mean it.
And if you do…
You deserve it.
This neatly sums up the trait of blaming toxic people. It’s never their fault – it’s always your fault, their child’s fault, or society’s fault.
Toxic people seem completely unable to accept their share of the blame on any level. Taking responsibility for their actions is beyond anyone who displays toxic traits, to the point where they come up with the most outrageous lies to cover up their behavior.
If you are close or close to a toxic person, you will be the one to blame for everything that goes wrong, even and especially if their stupidity caused it.
- They are always passive aggressive
It is rare for a toxic person to be outwardly aggressive – this would put them at risk of detection. Oftentimes, they will give hints and tricks to the people around them. It’s enough to hurt, but it also leaves them in plausible denial (note: plausible denial is also a toxic trait that people prefer).
Being passive-aggressive is a toxic trait for a person because it is easy to convince people that they are imagining things.
- They love to criticize people
Criticism is one of the most noticeable traits of toxic people. They love to criticize the people around them, for real or perceived insults. Like passive aggression, this is a way for toxic people to let their spleen out without being too obvious about it.
Toxic people will criticize everything and anything around them. It doesn’t need to be a real thing, just something a toxic person can get into. Everything is fair game, from looks to characters to dress sense.
- People love to manipulate others
Manipulation is a favorite tactic of many toxic people. It’s a way to get what they want without having to do any work or (ding ding ding!) without having to take any responsibility for their actions.
The worst form of manipulation is when someone acts to divide people so they can target them individually. If and when you encounter this type of toxic person trait, remember that they try to separate people so they can target individuals. Keep your guard up, and always try to stick together.
Manipulation comes in many forms—guilt, denial, gassing—but they are all equally insidious.
- They’re all Debbie Down
Negativity seems to be the “in” thing these days, right? But toxic people take it to a whole new level. Always being negative about everyone and everything is another way toxic people manipulate and control the world around them.
If you can discredit someone’s accomplishments, or rob them of their victories, you can destroy their self-esteem. It is very easy to be toxic around people who have no self-respect.
Negativity comes in many forms—the person in your work who snidely mentions the divorce rate when one of your numbers gets engaged; The person who brings fat-free snacks when the person begins to gain weight. And the list goes on.
Negativity is a toxic trait that’s hard to deal with, but remember this: The person who subtracts the divorce rate when looking at engagement rings? They probably aren’t having the best time by themselves.
- Emotional blackmail
Another way toxic people try to find their way all the time is by trying to guilt people into doing what they want. This is most common with parents and significant others. Watch the mother who tries to guilt her kids with the idea of all the work and sacrifice they’ve taken to raise their kids or watch the boyfriend who wants his girlfriend to stay with him instead of going out with friends.
