Covert narcissists, or as I like to call them, “soul vampires,” are everywhere. They’re in your workplace. They’re on your street. They’re in the store. You know them well.
Recognizing them requires truly being drawn into their games. These games won’t always be obvious—so it’s my job and my responsibility to help you here.
Mistakes are common when dealing with covert narcissists.
These mistakes can cost you dearly—so let’s take the time and figure them out, hopefully recognizing them will save you.
Aren’t all narcissists the same?
Technically speaking, the answer is no.
Think of narcissism as a tree.
It’s tall and rooted in the ground. But its branches aren’t the same. Some are small and subtle, others are large and obvious.
Some forms of narcissism are the same. You’ll find those who try to stay in the background without being noticed. They’re almost pleasant to look at or be around.
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But they’re all capable of shedding leaves, and they’re all branches.
All narcissists are capable of ruining the lives of others and abusing those they spend most of their time with.
What Is Covert Narcissism?
Personally, I think covert narcissism is the most dangerous. Sometimes, it’s good to see what you’re getting at, you know?
The most overt narcissist will be insanely arrogant. You’ll see it, you’ll hear it, you’ll experience the braggadocio. You’ll get used to phrases like:
“You’re worthless!”
“Nobody likes you!”
“You wouldn’t last five minutes without me!”
I mean, these are bullies. But the only good thing they teach us is our attitude toward them, right? Sometimes I think knowing the truth is better than falling victim to covert narcissism.
So, with that in mind, what exactly is covert narcissism? Knowing it will help you recognize the mistakes you’re making when dealing with it.
Not Your Fault: It Happens
Covert narcissism is not your problem. What attracts her to you is your kindness and willingness to give others a chance.
These aren’t weaknesses at all, but they attract those who plan and want to let you down, hurt you, or disappoint you.
You’re a kind-hearted, forgiving person.
Covert narcissism is very difficult to detect, and it’s often masked by a facade of friendship.
Covert narcissists will make an effort to become a significant part of your life before leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.
Blaming yourself for not noticing them is pointless. I mean, you can’t change the past, right?
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Would Say If They Were Honest
There’s no point in feeling bad about something you have no control over. Thinking back on your first encounter might make you think, “I wish I had done this or that.”
Why? You’re beating yourself up.
It happens. But life isn’t about what happens to you, it’s about what you do next that matters.
And this is your time to heal.
Caution
The mistakes I’m about to mention will not only affect you if you know a covert narcissist, but they will also serve as warning signs—or warning signs—for the future.
Consider this topic an investment in your health, and in your knowledge of covert narcissism in general.
6 Big Mistakes People Make When Dealing with Covert Narcissists
- It Takes Too Long to Spot Them
Please listen carefully. You can’t ignore the fact that covert narcissism may never be noticed by some.
A person may have known someone their entire life without realizing these traits—and that shows how intelligent covert narcissists are.
So let me go on to say—if you’ve spotted a covert narcissist, congratulations. You’ve already been doing better than others.
When you’re in the midst of narcissistic abuse, and nothing feels right around that person, any time can seem like a very long time.
If we had a choice, we would prefer to know the truth from the beginning, but that’s not the nature of life.
Be grateful that you discovered the truth at all.
- You Believe Them
All the good they talk about, all the positivity they project in your face—for a long time, you think that’s who they are. They’re very genuine—and that’s different from the traditional charm you might find in overt narcissists.
Related : 13 Painful Lessons You Need To Learn From Narcissists
They’re warm, loving, and kind, yet somehow they interfere in your affairs.
Why?
Because they warm your heart before they even enter and claim residence.
According to them, if you have a problem with that, that’s your business.
Believing the covert narcissist is the kind and compassionate person they pretend to be, you end up feeling embarrassed when you discover the truth.
How could I have been so stupid?
What was I thinking while believing them to be good people?
And how was she supposed to know?!
- Trust Them
Those with good hearts and trust. It’s not your fault for giving people the benefit of the doubt. It’s not a weakness to give them the opportunity to be kind to you.
Covert narcissists want you to trust them so you can continue to share your deepest, darkest secrets. So you can be their “yes.”
So they can manipulate you by forcing you to do whatever they ask.
- Unjustified Guilt
Feeling guilty about a covert narcissist is normal.
What they make you feel is all guilt, without any responsibility.
Related :,10 Signs of The Female Narcissist
Think about the sarcastic comments you missed, or thought were their problems with you.
Just kidding!
It was just a lighthearted comment.
Come on, you know I didn’t mean it.
Meanwhile, the passive-aggression continues.
Why feel bad about it?
- Letting Things Go Fast
Drowning in the ocean of forgetfulness is common, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you end up doing that.
Covert narcissists are often the type to point to a beautiful sunset to avoid the next bear about to pounce.
You might get carried away when you meet someone you think is perfect, but their perfection hides many sins.
- Not Understanding How They’re Different From Overt Narcissists
I’m telling you right now—you’d be surprised how many people will say, “But they haven’t met any of the criteria I know for narcissism.”
No, they haven’t! They wouldn’t if the sweetest, most genuine smile was covering up all their playfulness.
You find their shyness attractive, and you don’t assume it’s related to narcissism in any way…
…but it is possible.
Overt and covert narcissism are a minefield, but I know you’ll learn a lot about it, especially now.
