The research found that silence is commonly used by men to influence husbands and potential intimate partners, with survey participants reporting that they often use the tactic called: “Don’t respond to her until she does.”
Hmm. Does this remind you of anyone you know?
These types of people love the silent treatment because they know how much it gets on your head.
Ignoring communications can leave you guessing, always worrying if you’ve done something wrong — and if so, exactly what you did wrong.
This type of treatment leaves you in a state of self-doubt. Suddenly, she apologizes, just to make the painful silence disappear.
It’s helpful to remind yourself that when someone is silent, it’s not about your actions: it’s about control.
2) They praise you often and reassure you
A pioneering study examining emotional manipulation tactics used in Australian workplaces found that manipulative people tend to offer “reassurance and flattery to influence people’s behaviour”.
One of the reasons why someone might praise you excessively in the workplace is that they create a pattern of dependency – the more they praise you, the more you depend on their approval.
It is very important to pay attention to timing as well. These compliments usually flow when there is a lot of stress at work.
In this way, this is a kind of manipulative diversionary tactic, so that this coworker can better direct your focus away from the real issues at hand.
Also, when you’re showered with praise, you may find yourself overlooking their problematic behavior at work. In other words, they have become talented at keeping you on their side.
If you’re wondering if there’s a certain type of colleague who’s more likely to appeal to your affections in this way, there might be.
The study also found that males scored “significantly higher” than females on various areas of emotional manipulation in the workplace.
Researchers have explored how in male-dominated environments, emotional manipulation can sometimes be considered an “instinctive” and “adaptive” behavior.
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This has been shown to be particularly true in corporate environments where “stereotypical masculine behaviors” such as “assertiveness” and “independence” are considered desirable traits.
If a particular person in the workplace comes to mind when you think of this, you might be interested to know that the study also concluded that managers are “more likely to maliciously manipulate others” than other employees.
3) They undermine your self-confidence
If you’re a woman and you’ve ever been in a friendship with another woman, you’ll know that sometimes it’s not a walk in the park.
A joint study between the University of Central Lancashire and the University of Edinburgh investigated emotional manipulation in female friendships.
“Women tend to use relational aggression as a manipulation strategy, and in general, reports suggest that manipulating women requires more subtle tactics,” the researchers said.
One type of “strategy” used in emotional manipulation falls into the category of “aggression strategy,” which can include “undermining another person’s trust” and “using criticism.”
If you have a close friend who is undermining your self-confidence, it might look a bit like this: Maybe when you share a big win at work with this person, instead of a big five, you receive an almost congratulatory eye roll or a completely dismissive comment.
It may seem like this person is not at all interested in seeing you shine.
No, they prefer to dim your light so they can shine brighter.
It’s extremely manipulative because they aim to keep you in a constant state of self-doubt, making you more dependent on pleasing them.
Interestingly, the researchers also concluded that manipulation is often “seen as a socially acceptable way for women to communicate with each other and build relationships.”
Of course, this does not mean that this behavior is something you should accept in your social life.
Instead, it is very important to remember that people usually do this because deep down, they are fighting their own fears and insecurities.
By making you doubt your accomplishments, they feel a twisted level of superiority over you.
4) They’re sulky to get their own way
This same study of female friendship explores a secondary strategy of emotional manipulation, which falls under the category of “pseudo-strategy,” which can include “pulsing to get what they want.”
Frowning can be a very subtle tool of manipulation.
These friends (or so-called friends) may resort to sulking and playing the victim in order to get what they want without asking directly.
When they play the victim, it triggers your sympathy, making you feel guilty or hurt. And voila, you find yourself giving in to their desires just to avoid all the usual chaos and drama.
5) They seem afraid of losing you, or not getting what they need from you
A study in the journal The Phenomenology of Social Impairments linked emotional manipulation to often being a symptom of a personality disorder, as some people may use “manipulative strategies to ensure their needs are met.”
“Manipulative behaviors that often arouse attention and conflict with others can be viewed as attempts to overcome feelings of disconnection,” the researchers said.
This is someone I can talk to in person! I used to have this friend who, when he felt like I was slipping away or getting close to finding different friends, would get very emotional and, in turn, make me feel really guilty.
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Of course, these feelings would magically disappear as soon as I rushed to their side.
They had a habit of creating problems in order to ensure that I was fully involved and invested in them. And let me tell you – this has resulted in a lot of emotional exhaustion for me!
As the study confirmed, these manipulative people often put up waterworks and tactics of this kind because of their deep-seated fear of abandonment.
Beneath the dramatic displays is the worry that if it doesn’t keep you hooked, you might leave it.
