As a general rule, narcissists only care about themselves, so they will never feel bad for hurting you as long as they get what they need from the situation.

When a narcissist hurts you, it makes them feel better than you. It shows them that they control the situation, and your emotions, which feeds their need for power.

If you want to make a narcissist feel bad for hurting you, you’ll need to employ some creative techniques, such as using reverse psychology or playing on their inflated ego.

While some of these tactics may work in certain situations, be careful—it can be very dangerous to try to manipulate a narcissist, and if they catch you, they’ll make you pay!

5 Ways to Make a Narcissist Feel Bad for Hurting You

Telling a narcissist over and over again how much they’ve hurt you won’t have any effect.

They won’t listen to you, and they don’t care about you. Instead, you need to approach the situation differently, using their narcissistic traits to your advantage.

1 Play on Their Ego

In this scenario, you feed the narcissist’s ego by making them comfortable enough to show some vulnerability.

Start the conversation by saying,

“You know, I was just thinking about our disagreement the other day and realized how much I value our relationship. The thought of hurting someone as important as you hit me hard.”

“I want to avoid situations like this in the future and find a way for us to better handle our disagreements.”

“Your opinion matters to me, and I value your insight. What do you think we can do differently next time to avoid any misunderstandings?”

In this scenario, you first feed their narcissistic supply by highlighting their importance to you and asking for their guidance.

Once you’ve made them feel comfortable, needed, and strong, you can express vulnerability and concern to create an opportunity for them to share their thoughts and insights.

While it’s unlikely that the narcissist will feel bad for hurting you, approaching the topic this way at least creates an opportunity for them to self-reflect and connect with you on a deeper level.

While this may not lead to deep vulnerability on their part, it creates a more open dialogue and lays the groundwork for discussing sensitive topics.

Furthermore, narcissists like to feel important and special, so if you can make them feel that way, they are more likely to respond positively to your requests or needs.

2 Blame Yourself

I know that blaming yourself usually works in the narcissist’s favor, but in this scenario, we’re doing it to trigger their automatic need to prove you wrong.

Imagine the following scenario:

You: “I’ve been thinking about what happened between us, and I can’t help but feel like I may have contributed to the problem.

Maybe I wasn’t as understanding or communicated my feelings clearly enough. I’m really upset with myself for not handling things better.”

The Narcissist: “Well, it’s not all your fault. I think there are things you could have done differently, but it’s not like you’re solely responsible.”

You: “You’re right, I definitely could have handled things better. But I also noticed moments when I felt hurt by some of the things that were said.

Maybe I misunderstood, but it affected me. I guess it’s just a reminder that we all have a role to play in these situations.”

The Narcissist: “I guess I could have chosen my words more carefully. I didn’t mean to upset you so much.”

In this example, you are blaming yourself for opening the door for the narcissist, inviting them to disagree with you.

When they do this, they find themselves in a position where they can admit their part in the matter without losing face or showing weakness.

They are also proving that you are wrong, which means they are maintaining their sense of superiority.

3 Use Reverse Psychology

The following scenario illustrates how you can use reverse psychology to make the narcissist feel bad for hurting you:

You: “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened between us. At first, I couldn’t understand why I felt so hurt by your actions.

But then I realized that maybe I was wrong to expect better from you. Maybe I should have known that you were incapable of being the person I thought you were.”

Narcissist: “Wait, what do you mean?”

You: “I mean, maybe I was giving you too much credit. I thought you cared about me and our relationship, but I guess I was wrong.

Maybe I should have realized that I can’t really expect empathy or consideration from someone like you.”

Narcissist: “Wait a second, that’s not fair.”

You: “I mean, it’s obvious now that I may have misunderstood your intentions.

I thought you were someone who could understand and appreciate my feelings, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.”

Narcissist: “No, you’re twisting it.”

You: “I’m just trying to be realistic. I don’t want to put unfair expectations on you anymore.

I should have known that you operate differently. It’s really liberating to finally understand that.”

Narcissist: “I didn’t mean to hurt you that way.”

You: “I appreciate you saying that even if it’s only just starting to sink in for me. I think I need to adjust my expectations moving forward.”

In this scenario, you’re telling the narcissist that you expect too much of them, which will make them defend themselves.

By downplaying the hurt you feel and instead focusing on their boundaries, you’re indirectly making the narcissist question their actions.

This may make them feel bad for hurting you or at least make them realize that their comments were hurtful.

4 Appeal to Their Aspirations

Pointing out how the narcissist’s abusive behavior conflicts with their aspirations may shock them into realizing their own shortcomings and even admitting to hurting you.

Imagine the following scenario:

You: “I’ve always admired your ambition and drive to succeed. You’ve always talked about wanting to be a better person, accomplish great things, and have positive relationships.”

Narcissist: “Yes, that’s true.”

You: “I think that’s why I was so surprised and hurt when things went the way they did between us.

“I thought you were committed to personal growth and building meaningful relationships.”

Narcissist: “I am, but sometimes things just happen.”

You: “I understand that, but I couldn’t help but think about how your actions don’t seem to align with the person you aspire to be. It’s like your goals conflict with the way you treated me.”

Narcissist: “I didn’t mean to hurt you that way.”

You: “I believe you, but it made me wonder if you’re truly aware of the impact your actions have on others. I thought someone with such high aspirations would be more considerate and compassionate.”

In this scenario, you appeal to the narcissist’s goals and aspirations by pointing out how their hurtful behavior contradicts their desire to improve and achieve great things.

By framing their actions as inconsistent with their aspirations, you encourage the narcissist to self-reflect and potentially feel remorse for their behavior.

5 Validate Their Opinions

Make sure to tell the narcissist how important they are to you and how much you value their opinions and feelings so much that the things they say have such an impact on you.

Making them feel powerful and important will help disengage their defense mechanisms, making it easier for them to feel remorse.

Narcissist: “I can’t believe you’re making this a big deal. It’s not that serious.”

You: “I understand that you may see it that way, but I want you to know that your opinion and feelings matter to me. I value our relationship, and when something like this happens, it really affects me.”

Narcissist: “Well, I didn’t think it would matter that much to you.”

You: “It matters because you matter to me. I care about your feelings and how your actions affect our relationship.

When something hurts me, it’s not just about the incident itself, it’s also about how it made me question our relationship and the bond we share.

Narcissist: “I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about it.”

You: “I think that’s why it’s important to communicate openly and honestly. That way, we can avoid misunderstandings and prevent unintentionally hurting each other. I want to have a relationship where we feel respected and valued.”

In this scenario, you’re using validation to make the narcissist feel bad for hurting you.

By affirming that their opinions and feelings matter to you, you create a sense of responsibility for their actions.

This can lead the narcissist to feel remorse and motivated to improve their behavior to maintain a positive, respectful relationship with you.