Key Points
Narcissists are more interested in celebrating themselves than in celebrating anyone else.
Narcissists give gifts that represent an investment in their own desires—not in a desire to please others.
Grandiose and vulnerable narcissists ruin parties and social gatherings for various but related reasons—everything revolves around them.
When everyone is in the mood for a party, if a narcissist walks into the room, the mood can change in the blink of an eye. If the narcissist is not the center of attention, they will waste no time sucking all the air out of the party without a second thought. Narcissists need to be the center of attention for every guest, and if they don’t feel like they are being seen as the “life of the party,” they will do everything they can to get a response with their “look at me!” actions or they will take their date, if they have one, and rush out. All the way home and into the next day, the narcissist will complain about the low-quality guests, the bad host, and the disappointing party.
Finding Their Own Pleasure by Ruining Others’ Pleasure
When someone has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or exhibits significant narcissistic tendencies, celebrations are often the time when the greatest chaos and disasters can occur. Narcissists do not enjoy celebrating other people’s important events and will try to divert attention to themselves regardless of who was supposed to be the guest of honor. Narcissists can be especially annoying during holiday celebrations where there is no one competing for their attention, but an entire day, season, or event. Narcissists feel that the holiday is stealing the spotlight that should be theirs.
There are two general types of narcissists, grandiose and vulnerable. Grandiose narcissists do everything in a grandiose way and genuinely believe that they live a “larger than life” life that is the envy of everyone who knows them.
Vulnerable narcissists do not necessarily seek a great deal of public attention, but they do demand to be the center of attention in one-on-one relationships. When deprived of their narcissistic source, they may unexpectedly lash out with sudden, brutal, hostile aggression fueled by narcissistic rage.
No matter what type of narcissism you have in your life, you should be very careful about accepting gifts from them. Narcissists don’t give gifts to make you feel loved; they give gifts to make themselves seem like something they’re not—loving and generous:
5 Facts About Narcissists and Gift Giving
Narcissists give gifts that represent an investment in their desires—not in a desire to please others.
Narcissists give gifts in an attempt to keep the recipient’s loyalty or devotion strong.
Narcissists give gifts only as a means of maintaining control in a relationship, not as a means of pleasing someone else.
Narcissists don’t give expensive gifts because they think you’re great; they give expensive gifts so you and others think they’re great. They even give expensive gifts if they’re deep in debt to maintain a facade of wealth and success.
Narcissists don’t give gifts out of love; they give them out of fear.
Vulnerable Narcissists at Celebrations
When vulnerable narcissists are invited to celebrations marking important events for others, such as anniversaries or birthdays, they may not want to show up at all. It’s hard for them to satisfy their narcissistic appetite when everyone around them is raising a glass to someone else’s success. Vulnerable narcissists get their supply from the failures and missteps of others. If they do attend at all, they’ll desperately hope to find a reason to feel superior to others. They’ll find fault with the venue, the guest list, the beverage choices, the decorations, the clothes other guests are wearing, or the accomplishments of the guest of honor.
If these petty comments aren’t enough to satisfy their need for supply, vulnerable narcissists may stoop so low as to sabotage the event to make the attendees and host feel bad. They may start an argument, spill red wine on the white carpet, or accidentally bump into or trip over someone holding a plate of food—anything they can do to make others look or feel bad. They will go to any lengths to access their supply to bring a moment of narcissistic satisfaction and avoid narcissistic rage.
The Grandiose Narcissist at Celebrations
Grandiose narcissists need to feel superior to everyone else at any event. They engage in shameless self-aggrandizing behaviors and will demand the best of everything and make a scene if they are rejected. Their level of entitlement is off the charts, and they will push to the front of any line and shamelessly grab the best and greatest that is offered to them. They will exaggerate their successes to elicit praise from others and will readily lie to make themselves appear more deserving and accomplished than they are. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you should not be surprised when they take credit for the gifts you buy for others, the meals you prepare, the parties you plan, or the good behavior of your children. They may promise special gifts or vacation trips but fail to deliver on their promises after bragging to everyone about what they are going to provide.
The best way to deal with narcissists at important celebrations is to remove them from your guest list. However, if you can’t remove the narcissist from your guest list, here are five suggestions to keep the celebration on track and minimize the damage the narcissist can cause:
5 Tips for Dealing with Narcissists During Celebrations
Don’t start an argument, as this will only fuel their narcissistic rage.
Don’t tell them how to act or what to do; they resist following other people’s directions.
Don’t assume you can convince them to see your point of view; they can only see the world through their pessimistic perspective.
Don’t expect to reach them through honest, emotional conversations. They are known for their lack of empathy for others and have no interest in understanding another person’s point of view.
Be especially careful not to humiliate or challenge them in front of others.
