It can be tempting to hide your true self in order to impress your new partner. But being yourself in a new relationship is the best path to a healthy and lasting relationship. Here are five ways to achieve this.
I find it strange how difficult it is to be yourself in a new relationship. After all, we are ourselves in every other area of our lives. Why do we struggle to be ourselves as the relationship progresses?
I think when we first get into a new relationship, we feel so confident because having someone new in our lives, someone who thinks we’re awesome, is a very powerful experience.
However, when we become attached to someone, feelings of insecurity can arise because attachment comes with a fear of loss. And the way we act because of this fear of loss can hijack a lot from a new love relationship.
Who wants that? Certainly not you!
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So, how can you be yourself in a new relationship, so that you can keep it healthy? Read on!
How to be yourself in a new relationship?
- Stay in touch with your amazement.
Think about the person you are when you are single. When you don’t question your self-worth because of someone. Who is that person?
Do you have a job that you love and are good at? Do you run a marathon? Do you have some great friends that you love spending time with? Do you like going to the movies and trying new food? Do you have a dog who thinks you are God’s gift to the world?
This person is the person you want to remember when you are feeling insecure.
And remember, this wonderful person is the person your man chose to date in the first place. You are with all your confidence, quirks, and coolness. Think about what would happen if you were anything but yourself as the relationship grew.
Most likely, your new guy will get confused and wonder where the guy he fell for is. He may also break up with you as a result of your change.
Also remember that you are so amazing that there is more than one person who wants to date you. Therefore, if this person does not value you for who you are, it is very bad for him.
- Don’t stop living your own life.
No, I repeat, do not sit back and wait for any man to contact you. Or any woman for that matter, too. The time you spend sitting around waiting for your life to begin is wasted time.
You have a life to live, so live it. Do your job and do it well. Go to yoga, eat out with friends, walk your dog. Do all the things that make you feel good about yourself and do them often.
No man wants the pressure of being everything to a woman. of their woman staying at home waiting to call them. To have them wrap themselves in pastry to be whatever they want. to give up their passion for him. That woman is not very attractive to a man.
Besides, every man loves to hunt, and if you are there, and you are not always available for him, being a challenge, he will most likely still be interested in you.
I have a client who is literally sitting next to her phone, waiting for her husband to call or connect with her via Instagram. She watches his activity and gets depressed when he is active but not in contact with her. So she’s obsessed, checking her phone instead of going out with friends, waiting for him to arrive.
When he finally does, she’s really crunchy and their time together isn’t what she wants it to be.
So, go on living your life. Don’t always be there for him. You’ll be glad you did.
Related: Why You Should Never Give Up On Someone You Love, Even When It’s Hard
- Unplug.
One of the things you shouldn’t do to distract yourself is spend time on social media. As I said above, it is dangerous to become obsessed with someone’s activity on social media.
Even on a good day, social media can lead us down a path of despair. Fear of missing out (FOMO), the fear that the rest of the world is spinning around you while you’re sitting there, on your phone, is a real thing in this modern age. The time you spend watching how other people live instead of being yourself is always time wasted.
My client above becomes obsessed with her guy’s Instagram activity which is making him physically ill. She posts more actively than she used to, and wants him to see and think about her posts. And when he doesn’t look at them, she gets shocked.
Of course, we all spend a lot of time on our phones. Are you? I’m not saying you should put down your phone but I’m saying the effort should be made not to change our habits, not to become a stalker, to keep in touch with friends and check out celebrities like we always have.
So again, go live your life. Don’t sit back and watch what someone else’s life is like.
- Know that he probably feels the same way.
The more we cling to something, be it a man, a friend or a coat, the more we fear losing him. And fear of missing out can cause us to act in ways that may seem strange. That super self-assured woman you usually are may be replaced by the shy eighth grader you used to be. not perfect.
But know that even though you may feel insecure at the prospect of losing this new person in your life, it is very likely that they will feel the same way, too. They may feel like if they text you, they may appear too excited, or if they stop by your desk. You may find them very needy.
And does this behavior make you feel bad for him, or is it somewhat endearing. Does knowing that he might feel as insecure as you, and that you’re in the same boat trying to make this relationship work, make you feel more confident?
Try not to judge yourself because you are struggling to be yourself in a relationship. Instead, make the change and you’ll feel better about yourself and your place in the relationship.
- Ask yourself – “What’s the worst that could happen?”
This is a question that can be applied to a variety of life situations but its best application is here.
You are in a new relationship that is days or weeks old. One you’ve lived your entire life without until recently.
Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
5 ways to be yourself in a new relationship and make it last
How do I be myself in a relationship? 5 ways to be yourself in a new relationship
the answer? You will lose this relationship. so what? There are more fish in the sea. embarrass yourself? I’ve done it before and survived. Are you really going to have a great conversation and maybe another date? Well, that wouldn’t be bad.
Keep in mind that the worst that can happen is not that you will die if you text him or that you will end world peace if you ask him to dance. With that in mind, he confidently took a step in his direction. Being a rock star.
Because really, what’s the worst that could happen?
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I know you want to be yourself in a new relationship. If you haven’t, you won’t be reading this article.
We all want to love and be loved. We all know this to be true (although sometimes we hate to admit it). And in the pursuit of love, we often find ourselves losing ourselves in our attempts to please others.
But don’t let yourself go. Remind yourself every day how amazing you are, that anyone would be lucky to have you, that if this relationship doesn’t work out, then another will (because there will be), and that the world will not end no matter what action you take.
Remember, not being yourself is not sustainable. Not being yourself will make you feel insecure in the relationship. Not being yourself can sabotage what you want and then leave you broke.
Be the person someone wants to fall in love with. Be the person you can love too.
you can do that!
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