Pathological envy happens to be linked to one of the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Narcissists are said to be jealous of others and yet believe that others envy them; They often project this trait onto others and make their victims feel insecure. This type of envy, although common among narcissists, is not limited only to malignant narcissists. However, narcissistic abusers are more likely to be driven by their envy to engage in non-destructive behavior toward others in a chronic, influential, and harmful way.

When pathological envy is not treated, it can become a silent killer in interpersonal relationships. A victim of someone else’s pathological envy may experience backlash, sabotage, or abuse because of their success. Depending on the nature of the relationship and how long it lasts, targets may feel punished for their success and develop an aversion to being in the spotlight or having their true gifts and talents as a result of reactions from the narcissistic abuser.

Here are five behaviors to look for if you suspect you are dealing with an envious narcissist or toxic person:

1. Inability to congratulate others on a job well done.
   Although this behavior may seem obvious, it often goes unnoticed and should be treated if it is part of a chronic behavior pattern. This is the person who can’t even muster the ability to congratulate when someone else succeeds. A pathologically envious person will find ways to belittle your success by asking questions that belittle, belittle, or completely ignore it.

A true friend, supportive family member, coworker, or partner will be able to say, Congratulations! Or I’m so proud of you! Because they are truly happy with your success and feel safe within themselves to celebrate it. They do not threaten the happiness of others and do not have to constantly look for ways to undermine it.

For example, when narcissistic parents feel envious and overly critical of their children, these children develop an inability to be validated and internalize this lack of validation as evidence of their unworthiness. If a parent fails to recognize their child’s progress and makes the child feel that they will never be good enough no matter how successful they are, this programs the child to believe that they are not worthy of healthy praise.

As a result, the child is unable to build a healthy level of confidence in his or her abilities, skills, or sense of self early on. This can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors later in adulthood, where they hide themselves and bury their talents in an attempt to escape the same punishment, invalidation, and excessive criticism they received in childhood. As psychotherapist Rev. Sherri Heller (2016) wrote:

2. Constant redirection to oneself when not the center of attention. This can also include excluding, isolating and ostracizing the victim through bullying in social circles.
   A pathologically envious person will find ways to get away from your success, especially if they feel uncomfortable with the fact that they are putting you in the center of attention and getting the praise they feel they deserve. They may redirect the conversation back to themselves and their own accomplishments, engage in a backhanded or indirect compliment, or change the subject entirely. A pathologically envious narcissist may go so far as to sabotage your success or try to outdo you in a way that will put them back in the spotlight.

In the context of larger social groups, the successful target is often humiliated by the perpetrator who can “recruit” allies to join the bullying. This is a display of public shaming that serves to silence the victim’s pride in his or her accomplishments. The victim learns to be “quiet” about the accomplishments she has worked hard for as a way to avoid being targeted. Smear campaigns, gossip, and rumor mongering are common when the narcissist “leads” his harem to tear down the victim in any way. They can.

A persistent pattern of not feeling acknowledged or acknowledged within a social group can have a tremendous impact on the victim, as their achievements or positive traits are blatantly ignored, ridiculed or ridiculed. It is a form of exclusion and ostracism that can cause significant psychological damage and anxiety about sharing or celebrating one’s achievements, for fear of pain and punishment. This type of social rejection can be just as serious as physical injury.

3. Contempt and condescension.
   Remember, malignant narcissists, especially those who are grandiose, are easily threatened by someone who could threaten to dismantle their false sense of superiority. This includes his most successful family members, partners, peers, acquaintances and co-workers. The envious person pathologically feels that he cannot have the level of success that you have achieved, so he will treat your achievements with disdain in order to convince himself of this. You are inferior.

Constantly experiencing a tone of contempt and an arrogant attitude, especially when you dare to display a healthy level of confidence, works to make you feel helpless, small, and incompetent. It creates an atmosphere of fear where successful goals are discouraged from achieving their dreams or being proud of what they have achieved.

The ability to be looked down upon makes malignant narcissists feel powerful and in control, something they have difficulty feeling when faced with a target more successful than them. While others will rejoice with you when you start a financially lucrative career, sign the lease on your dream apartment or plan your wedding, the pathologically envious person will be the one who laments how most marriages don’t work out and how expensive it is to live in this world. city.

4. Reduction and attribution.
   The most conniving and pathologically envious people do their best to burst your bubble by not only belittling your success, but also by attributing it to something other than your true merits, hard work, and talents. You may find that a pathologically envious person attributes your accomplishments to pure luck even as they attribute their own success to their own work ethic. However, they often use their charisma and social connections to get ahead.

By constantly focusing on the outside influence that “must” have caused your success, the malignant narcissist feels better equipped to deal with his or her sense of inferiority.

5. Move the goalposts permanently.
   Narcissists never want to feel like their targets are “enough.” That’s why they make sure that no matter what area of your life you’re currently succeeding in, they change their standards, expectations, and criteria for what “success” actually entails.

You may have an excellent reputation at work, or be a supportive friend and spouse, but the narcissistic abuser may then begin to exploit your lack, perceived flaws or create insecurities about negative traits that do not exist. He or she focuses on these fabricated shortcomings so that you are never allowed to feel secure in yourself and proud of what you have been able to overcome.

If you’ve been the target of a malignant narcissist, you’ve probably also been the subject of pathological envy. Remember, narcissists choose victims who they believe have something of value. They surround themselves with people they consider “special and unique.” It wasn’t your fault that you were abused; The fact that you were targeted is actually an indication that you have something special about you that the narcissist noticed and wanted to undermine in the first place.

Beware that while narcissists enjoy relying on the success of others, they also enjoy sabotaging those same people. This bears repeating: precisely because their goals represent success that they themselves have not been able to achieve or success that threatens to distract from them.

Instead of pathologically internalizing the expectations of envious people, recognize these microaggressions and acts of sabotage for what they are: signs that you have something inside you that is far greater than the power of their insults. Dare to celebrate yourself and what you’ve worked hard to achieve – you’ve earned it and you have every right like any other human being to be proud of yourself in a healthy way. Protect yourself from these toxic species and set your limits; Do not let a pathologically envious person live in your soul.