Being around emotional vampires is enough to make you feel emotionally drained and exhausted. Constant interaction with them can lead to prolonged sadness and depression. This is why it is important to know how to deal with emotional vampirism so that you can protect your peace and sanity.
As a physician, I have found that the biggest drain of energy for my patients is relationships. Some relationships are positive and improve mood. Others can suck your optimism and serenity. I call these drained people “emotional vampires.”
They do more than just drain your physical energy. Maliciousness can make you believe that you are unworthy and unlovable. Others damage their little digs to make you feel bad about yourself. For example, “Honey, I see you’re gaining a little weight” or “You’re so touchy!” Suddenly they throw you off center by stimulating shaky areas of self-esteem.
To protect your energy, it’s important to combat draining people. The following strategies from my book Emotional Freedom will help you recognize and combat emotional vampirism from a position of empowerment.
Related: 4 Ways To Deal With Toxic Energy Vampires Who Are Stealing Your Positive Vibes
Signs that you encountered an emotional vampire
Your eyelids are heavy – you’re ready to take a nap
Your mood takes aim
Do you want to binge on carbs or comfort foods
You feel anxious, depressed, or negative
You get frustrated
5 Types of Emotional Vampires: How to Recognize Them and Protect Yourself
Set boundaries with emotional vampires
Types of emotional vampires and how to protect yourself from them
- The narcissist
Their motto is “me first”. It’s all about them. They have a great sense of self-importance and entitlement, attract attention, and crave admiration.
They are dangerous because they lack empathy and have a limited capacity for unconditional love. If she doesn’t do things her way, it becomes punishing, forbidden, or cold.
How to protect yourself:
Make your expectations realistic. These are emotionally limited people. Try not to fall in love with someone or expect them to be selfless or loved without strings attached. Never let your self-esteem depend on them or confess your deepest feelings to them.
To communicate successfully, the hard truth is that you have to show how something will be in their best interest. Although it’s best not to have to deal with this boring ego if the relationship is unavoidable, this approach works.
Related: 5 Things That Annoy Narcissists
- The victim
These vampires annoy you with their “poor” attitude. The world is always against them, the cause of their unhappiness. When you offer a solution to their problems, they always say, “Yeah, but…” You may end up checking their calls or avoiding them on purpose. As a friend, you may want to help but their tales of woe overwhelm you.
How to protect yourself:
Set gentle but firm boundaries. Listen briefly and tell a friend or relative, “I love you but I can only listen for a few minutes unless you want to discuss solutions.” With a co-worker, be sympathetic by saying, “I’ll still think carefully about what’s going to work.” Then say, “I hope you understand, but I’m on schedule and have to get back to work.”
Then use “this is not a good time” body language like crossing your arms and breaking eye contact to help set these healthy boundaries.
- Controller
Types of emotional vampire controllers
These people obsessively try to control you and dictate what you are supposed to be and how you feel. They have an opinion on everything. They will control you by nullifying your emotions if you don’t fit into their rule book.
They often start sentences with “Do you know what you need?” Then continue to tell you. You end up feeling dominated, humiliated or disappointed.
How to protect yourself:
The secret to success is not trying to control the console. Be healthily assertive, but don’t tell them what to do. You could say, “I appreciate your advice but I need to work through this myself.” Be confident, but don’t play the victim.
- Continuous talker
Types of vampire emotional speaker
These people don’t care about your feelings. They are only interested in themselves. You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes.
Or, these people may physically move so close to you that they practically breathe from you. You’re heading back, but they’re getting close.
How to protect yourself:
These people do not respond to non-verbal signals. You have to speak loudly and interrupt, as hard as that. Listen for a few minutes. Then say politely, “I hate to interrupt, but please excuse me, I have to talk to these other people…or get a date…or go to the bathroom.” A more positive tactic than, “Keep calm, you’re driving me crazy!”
If this is a family member, say politely, “I would love it if you would allow me some time to talk so I can add more to the conversation.” If you say this impartially, it’s better to hear it.
Related: Surviving The She-Ego: How To Deal With A Narcissist Boss Female
- Drama Queen
Types Of Emotional Vampire Drama Queen
These people tend to exaggerate small events in off-the-graph dramas. My patient Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late for work. One week he caught the flu and “nearly died”. After that, his car was towed again! After this employee left her office, Sarah felt tired and exploited.
How to protect yourself:
The drama queen never shies away from her composure. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will help you not to fall into the trap of theatricality. Set gentle but firm boundaries. Say, for example, “You have to be here on time to keep your job. I’m sorry for all your coincidences, but work comes first.”
To improve your relationships and increase your energy level, I suggest taking an inventory of the people who give you energy and those who drain you. Try to spend time with loving and caring people and learn to set boundaries with those who drain you. This will enhance your quality of life.
