Did you grow up with narcissistic parents? How to protect yourself in the future?

Recently, narcissistic personality disorder has been discussed more and more in the mainstream media.

People affected by narcissism are described as selfish, selfish, and uncaring. While this is a bit of a simplification, it’s easy to imagine that we’ve all met narcissists, to one degree or another.

Related: Brené Brown’s Quip To Tim Ferriss Might Shift Your Perspective On Narcissists

Some narcissists are severely disturbed and unable to function normally. But there are many less damaged narcissists who can appear fairly normal to the outside world.

They’re not too bad unless you get to know them well or need to rely on them for anything. Therefore, most people can afford one of their friends and acquaintances.

However, living with a narcissist can be miserable. Imagine being a dependent child of a narcissistic parent!

Here are 5 traits of narcissistic parents and how you can keep yourself safe and sane.

1. Narcissistic parents are self-absorbed.
   Narcissists see everything as revolving around them. Others exist only to serve their ego.

The child of the narcissist will be asked to do things that the parent likes. They will be pressured to perform these tasks well enough so that their parents can bask in the glow of the child’s accomplishments—but no better than the parents themselves.

For example, if a mother is a dancer, her daughter should dance well, but not better than her mother at that age. To protect themselves, most children do their best in dancing (or any other activity).

However, we have little protection during childhood.

As an adult, you need to make sure that you are able to take care of yourself, so that you are not at the mercy of this parent. Then find a hobby or activity that you enjoy that has nothing to do with your narcissistic parent.

2. They don’t want to bother themselves.
   Narcissistic parents may not meet their children’s needs, even allergies to certain foods.

If a child has a learning disability, they will be ignored – unless the parent can see themselves as being a great parent to a disabled child. Even a child’s emotional needs can be completely ignored.

Now, as an adult, you must make sure that all your needs are met. Often, children of narcissistic parents have difficulty recognizing their unmet needs. A therapist can help you figure this out.

3. Narcissistic parents are controlling.
   Children of narcissists report that their narcissistic parents did not let them do the things they wanted to do. This is usually with the consent of the other parent, due to fear, money, or ignorance.

Their children are forced to follow all kinds of restrictive rules that reinforce the image of the narcissistic parent.

Wealthy parents did not allow their children to keep the small amount of money they earned by doing something they wanted them to do. Instead, they had their child donate it, preventing them from learning how to spend and save.

Children of narcissists also report that they are not allowed to leave their teenage bedroom after 10 p.m., even to use the toilet. These children often learn not to want anything.

Now that you’re older, you can choose what you want.

One exercise you can try is to go through paper catalogs and pick out all the things your narcissistic parent doesn’t want or let you have.

Choose three items. Read their ads, learn about the items (it’s okay to change your mind). Cut them down and place the rolls where you can see them. (Fridge magnets are good for this purpose.)

You don’t have to actually buy the items unless you choose to, just know that no one but you can tell you that you can’t get what you want right now.

Related: If You Post These Types Of Selfies, You’re A Total Narcissist (Says Science)

4. They are casually cruel.
   For narcissists, no one has feelings but them, so their children’s emotional needs are meaningless.

They may talk negatively about their children, which shows that they have no respect for their children at all.

They often do things like throw away a child’s teddy bear or other comfortable object, claiming that it is dirty or that the child is too big for it. Then they get angry with the child because of the very normal fussing and crying.

Children of narcissistic parents often become hoarders, because they have lost some cherished possessions in a painful way.

Adults who develop this problem need to work on improving their relationships with their possessions, which cannot give them the love they crave.

5. Narcissistic parents are incapable of love.
   This is a great tragedy for children of narcissistic parents. These parents cannot love their children the way children need and crave.

Children do everything they can to “earn” their parents’ love, but these children are doomed to do without it.

It is true that narcissists can enjoy the company of another adult. So, sometimes, their child will receive some positive feedback if their parents seem to enjoy it for some reason.

I encourage my clients who were raised by narcissists to love themselves and do the inner child work, so they can give love to their inner child and feel that love for themselves.

Don’t look for it from others, because that could lead to inappropriate and toxic relationships.

Being raised by a narcissistic parent is not a great start to life, that’s for sure. However, if you see these traits in your parents, all is not lost. You can still be a loving parent and partner.

You may have some work to do to get back in touch with your feelings and your ability to love, but you can do it. Allowing yourself to get the help you need to make a full recovery is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your family.

Avoid the narcissistic parent, or make sure you can leave if his or her behavior becomes toxic.

Make sure your children feel loved and strong. Limit their contact with this narcissistic grandparent to keep them safe.

It’s a bleak picture, but narcissism is incurable and incredibly toxic. You have to protect yourself and those you love.