Stress is sensory overload. Love, at its best, is sensual openness.
Our senses—touch, smell, taste, vision, hearing, and intuition—are how we experience ourselves and others.
Under stress, we lose the ability to access our senses, and thus we lose our ability to connect intimately in love relationships. This, in turn, may affect our relationships and cause our partners to give up out of frustration.
Here are 5 toxic ways stress affects your love life and how to prevent it from ruining your relationship:
- We lose “touch”
When we feel stressed, we lose access to our senses, which are our weakest link. If it is touch, we are no longer able to distinguish whether physical contact will be demanding or healing. We surround ourselves with an invisible bubble, preventing the world from adapting. If our partner relies on touch to feel loved, we are inadvertently sending the message that we no longer care.
Related: 5 Ways Letting Go Of Your Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life
- We lose emotional availability
Under stress, behaviors that would normally be a little annoying seem like major disruptions. The most protected part of your brain is in fight-and-flight mode, ready to strike back or disconnect at any moment. You’re tired and stressed, and any emotional demand from your partner is overwhelming. Trying not to be stressed makes you feel more stressed.
An innocent question like, “How are you, my dear?” Shows angry reactions, such as: “How do you think I feel? I’m overburdened. Isn’t that obvious?” Anger is easy, patience is little. You realize you’re reacting badly, so you promise yourself that you’ll be better once things “calm down.”
- Our thoughts are confused
When our frontal lobes are uncharacteristically scrambling to sort through ideas and solve problems, we are unable to share our thoughts with our partners. Our partners, accustomed to solving problems together, offer suggestions, hints, and support.
But because our thinking is disorganized, we cannot trust outside interference, because it only confuses us further. We invalidate offers and make our partners feel stupid or inappropriate, saying, “Can’t you see I’m trying to figure something out? If you need help, I’ll ask you.” Your partner is justifiably hurt, rejected, or abused.
Related: 7 Definite Signs That You’re In A Toxic Relationship And Need To Leave Now
- Our five senses suffer
Some of us lose the ability to enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of life. A partner who hasn’t showered smells nice when you’re balanced, but humiliating when you’re stressed. Diners are not entertained because food only satisfies hunger, it does not awaken the taste buds. Our vision and hearing are narrow and we can only focus on solving the immediate problem ahead of us. We cannot listen to the stories, details, or events of the day, nor see beyond what is overwhelming us.
For example, when we come home stressed and insomniac, and our partner is preparing our favorite dinner, we cannot see him. We stare straight ahead and focus on something mundane: “Where’s that file I left on the desk? It was here. Did you throw it away for God’s sake?” Our partner will either try to anticipate our every move to avoid being blindsided or will write us off as impossible to please.
Related: 13 Inescapable Signs Of A Dead-End, Toxic Relationship
- Our intuition loses insight
Intuition is one of our most important abilities to love and be loved. Special glances, warm affectionate voices, and open arms easily fall prey when prolonged preoccupation with worry about something else outweighs the importance of what’s happening in the present. We can only pick up on subtle facial expressions, tones of voice, and body language when we are attuned.
Prolonged stress drains a relationship of its most important components – a deep interest in the present and the ability to live in each other’s hearts. Stressed people cannot maintain those gifts. They forget how to love or allow love to permeate their busy and pressured world. This separation from their inner experiences turns into separation from the person they love.
How to reconnect and stop letting stress ruin your love life:
The quickest way to de-stress is to get back in touch with your senses. It will bring you back to the present.
Take time to breathe and think deeply.
Remember how beautiful it is to touch and be touched.
Look at life with your lens wide open, enjoying the beauty of all you can see, as a blind person who has recently regained his sight would.
Listen to the sounds that rejuvenate you – music, laughter, humor, the sweetness of your lover’s voice.
Pick up objects around you and press them to your face.
Take a deep breath and inhale the memories it smells like.
Allow yourself to taste the things you love again.
Allow your imagination to open up to possibilities again, think beyond reality to all that is possible, and live in your partner’s mind and heart.
Love will come back.
Related: 10 Huge Things You Need To Know About Leaving A Toxic Relationship
