The thing about toxic mother-daughter relationships is that until you get older and leave home and discover other people’s family dynamics, everything seems normal.

I was someone who didn’t realize I was in one of those toxic mother-daughter relationships until I started talking to my sisters after my mother died. It’s easy to see signs of abnormality in mother-daughter relationships. Things like physical and mental abuse still exist. But what about relationships that most people think are normal?

During my mother’s life, my relationship with her changed. As a little girl, I would desperately reach out to her for any little snippets of attention. However, as a teenager, my skin thickened as I became more aware of being unable to give love.

this is funny. Before I started this article, I never intended it to be a diatribe against my mother. But as soon as I started writing, I found that everything started to leak out.

Growing up in a family unit means that most of the time you are somewhat confined and isolated from outside influences. To the outside, what is happening to you seems normal. However, if you look closely, you can see that these toxic mother-daughter relationships are not normal.

Here are five toxic mother-daughter relationships that seem normal:

Your mother always wants the best for you
Of course, parents want the best for you, which is a no-brainer, but look a little deeper. If your mother uses your success to enhance her own, she is most likely a narcissist and not at all interested in you.

My mother was like this very much. When I was 12, I passed my exams and wanted to go to a local co-ed holistic center where all my friends were going. I was going to a fancy all-girls grammar school, my mother had told me, which for me from a poor family living in Council House, was a disaster.

My mother said that this is what works best for me and will look good on my resume when it comes to getting a job. I hated every minute of it, but finally realized it was a good starting point for college, etc.

Then, when I was 16, my mother pulled me out of school because she got a job in a factory to help pay the bills on the house.

Your mother is very loving

Is it wrong to love your child too much? Probably not, but when your mom rarely notices you and then flaunts you just like a cheap suit, something isn’t right.

My mother never noticed me, unless I was sick. Then it seemed like I was the most important person on the planet. I can order any meal I want, I’ll be tucked in bed, the TV can be turned on in bed (not normally allowed), and other treats.

However, if I was healthy, I had a list of chores to complete before I was allowed to go out with friends. I remember once falling into elementary school and worrying that I would get in terrible trouble when my mom would come to pick me up. Instead, she was upset and coddled me, which confused me greatly.

You try so hard to please your mom all the time

It is natural for children to want to please their parents. You often see kids running to their moms and dads after school, grabbing a scrap of artwork, and waiting for approval.

Children need validation from their parents to become confident adults. If they don’t get it from their parents, they may have problems with low self-esteem or they will feel like they are not good enough. This may lead to them choosing abusive or demanding partners or partners who will take advantage of them.

It is natural for children to want to impress their parents, especially their mothers. But if that mother is distant or abusive, that may be why the child is trying so hard. You often find that children of abusive parents love them excessively.

I remember as a little girl, I would write “I love you Mom” on a little piece of paper and put it under her pillow every night. My mom ignored it. Finally, I got the message.

Your mother praises you to all her friends

Isn’t it nice to have your mom standing in front of all her friends? My mother made sure to tell everyone she could think of that I had passed my entrance exams for the local grammar school. What you didn’t tell them was that I was very depressed for the first three months of attending and ran away twice.

Why is this so important? Because it indicates a mother’s complete lack of care for her daughter. She is only concerned with her self-image and points out those narcissistic tendencies.

Your mom has cute pet names for you

My mother used to call me “Little Treasure”. Cool, don’t you think? Yet in her 53 years, she has never told me she loved me, never held me, never hugged me, never said she was proud of me.

So my advocates for a pet fell on deaf ears. It was only confusing me because other family members were telling me I was her favorite. Maybe this was her way of telling me that she loves me. I never know.

Many types of toxic mother-daughter relationships seem normal. I’ve talked about five people who have influenced me personally. Did you encounter anything that you would like to share with our readers?