Breaking up with a narcissist is a complex and stressful process, and once you’ve finally managed to free yourself from this web of lies and deceit, you need to protect yourself and your newfound freedom.

Letting go of someone you once loved, even someone who manipulates you at every opportunity, is no easy feat.

You may find yourself looking at the relationship through rose-colored glasses, remembering only the good things, and ignoring all the times you felt you needed to tread carefully or deal with a narcissistic tantrum.

You’ve now made it to the other side. It’s in your best interest to stay there and not drift back into a toxic relationship.

5 Things You Should Never Do After Breaking Up With a Narcissist

1 Try to Be Friends

Let’s say you’ve agreed to be friends with your narcissistic ex, Charles. At first, he was supportive and understanding, offering you a shoulder to cry on, and even taking you out to dinner.

But his kindness and compassion didn’t last long, and two days after taking you out, he texted you saying, “Are you available for coffee this afternoon? I really need to talk.”

You had plans with friends, but you quickly canceled them and agreed to meet up.

Once you get to the coffee shop, Charles dominates the conversation, talking about his life, his accomplishments, and his current struggles.

Related : What Makes a Narcissist Tick After a Breakup?

You can’t talk, and even if you could, Charles wouldn’t listen. He’s only interested in validation and empathy.

As the days go by, Charles’ demands on your time become more frequent and intense. He calls you late at night and sends multiple text messages, always expecting an immediate response.

Charles guilt trips you whenever you try to set boundaries, saying, “I thought we were friends. Friends are supposed to be there for each other no matter what.”

Charles doesn’t care about being friends—he wants to manipulate your emotions and keep you under his control. As long as you maintain contact, Charles will continue to use you as a narcissistic resource. Nothing is real in such a toxic relationship, so the best course of action is to set boundaries, claim some time for yourself, and prioritize your emotional well-being.

2 Blame Yourself

When a narcissist moves on from a relationship, they do so quickly. One minute, they can’t handle losing you, and the next, they’re celebrating on social media how they’ve finally found true love—with someone else.

Replacing you too quickly can make you feel like you weren’t enough and that your shortcomings caused the relationship to fail.

You might blame yourself for not giving in to your ex when they demanded more attention or not putting up with their constant need for validation.

But the truth is, it was never about you. Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and their ability to move on is just another ploy to assert their dominance and feed their insatiable ego.

Let’s take an example to illustrate this further:

After breaking up with her narcissistic ex-boyfriend Mark, Sarah was devastated. She couldn’t understand how Mark could move on so quickly while she was still drowning in her own grief.

Sarah blamed herself, believing that they could have saved the relationship if she had been more attentive or showered Mark with more affection.

One day, Sarah went on social media and saw Mark’s latest post—a photo of him with a new woman, captioned: “I’m so grateful to have found my soulmate! I’ve never been happier.”

This public declaration of love and happiness shattered Sarah’s already fragile self-esteem. She felt inadequate, comparing herself to Mark’s new partner and wondering why she couldn’t measure up.

It’s important to understand that a narcissist’s post-breakup behavior has nothing to do with their ex’s worth or value and everything to do with deep-seated insecurity and selfishness.

3 Stalking Them on Social Media

While it’s natural for people to check up on their exes after a breakup, this is neither healthy nor constructive.

For example, after ending her tumultuous relationship with her narcissistic ex-boyfriend, Alex couldn’t resist checking out his social media profiles.

She wanted to see what he was doing, who he was spending time with, and whether he seemed happy without her.

As Alex scrolled through her ex’s posts, she saw that he was partying, attending social events, and even sharing photos with a new woman.

Seeing him enjoying himself without her triggered Alex’s emotions and made her feel very sad.

Stalking a narcissistic ex on social media can be detrimental to your emotional health and hinder your ability to move on.

Seeing yourself replaced triggers feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy while trying to find a connection with your ex keeps you from breaking up.

Whenever you look at your narcissistic ex’s profile, you’re giving them the attention they’re looking for, feeding their ego and providing them with narcissistic supplies.

Is that what you want? After all, you broke up with them for a reason and you can start over with yourself as your top priority.

Related :

Consider reading: What Happens When a Narcissist Sees You Looking Good?

4 Falling for Their Attempts to Take Over Others

Narcissists may move on quickly, but that won’t stop them from trying to hold onto the narcissistic supplies you’ve provided them.

If your narcissistic ex senses that you’re moving on, they’ll turn the tables on you and try to get you back into their sphere of influence.

Emotional abuse is a form of emotional abuse that can take many forms, from emotional manipulation to love bombing.

Whatever form it takes, the intent is the same – to lure you back into the toxic relationship so they can continue to manipulate and exploit you.

Let’s look at one of the most extreme forms of exploitation – the threat of self-harm:

After finally ending her toxic relationship with her narcissistic ex-boyfriend, Sarah thought she could move on – but her ex had other plans.

Unable to bear losing control over her, he resorted to desperate measures to get her back into the relationship.

One evening, Sarah received a series of frantic messages from her ex, claiming that he couldn’t live without her.

He texted, “I can’t believe you would do this to me. I’m so broken without you. If you don’t come back, I don’t know what I’ll do. I might end it all.”

Related : 5 Ways to Make a Narcissist Feel Bad for Hurting You

Sarah’s heart began to race, and a wave of guilt washed over her. The thought of being responsible for his well-being was tormenting her.

Sarah was terrified that her ex might actually hurt himself, and she felt trapped, guilty, and responsible.

Despite the emotional abuse she endured during their relationship, her compassion and concern for his well-being clouded her judgment. She feared that he would carry out his threats if she did not respond or return to him. These manipulative tactics are known as “emotional blackmail” and are a common strategy.

By threatening self-harm or suicide, the narcissist exploits the victim’s compassion and sense of responsibility, making them feel guilty for leaving and dragging them back into the toxic dynamic.

To deal with such a situation, it is crucial to recognize the manipulative nature of the narcissist’s behavior and understand that their actions are not your responsibility.

If you truly believe the person may be in danger, take their threats seriously and immediately contact emergency services or someone close to them who can offer support.

5 Expect Them to Take Responsibility

Even if the narcissist ends a relationship, they will not take responsibility for its failure and will shift blame at every opportunity.

For example, after their breakup, Rachel’s narcissistic ex-boyfriend Mark launched a smear campaign.

He crafted a narrative that portrayed himself as the innocent victim while presenting Rachel as the sole cause of all the failures in their relationship.

Mark took every opportunity to present Rachel as an emotionally unstable and controlling partner.

He exaggerated minor conflicts and distorted the truth to portray himself as a selfless martyr who endured endless hardships in the relationship.

One evening at a friend’s birthday party, Mark approached a group of their friends and brought up his recent breakup with Rachel.

He said, “It’s really sad how things ended with Rachel. I tried my best to make it work, but she was so possessive and jealous. It was suffocating, and I had to end it for my own sanity.”

Unbeknownst to Rachel, Mark’s campaign extended beyond their social circle.

He posted passive-aggressive comments on social media, making Rachel seem responsible for their failed relationship and leaving her embarrassed and emotionally exposed.

In this instance, Mark exhibits classic narcissistic behavior in his refusal to take responsibility for the breakup and his attempts to manipulate others’ perceptions of Rachel.

He avoids any self-reflection or accountability while portraying himself as the innocent victim.

This type of smear campaign is a common tactic used by narcissists to bolster their fragile self-image and avoid facing the truth about their actions.