You don’t even realize how lucky you are to leave a broken relationship. All your happiness is covered by the pain and brokenness you feel right now. But this will pass, you know?
It’s just the feeling of loneliness that washes over you, the change that has happened. You’ve been in a relationship for some time and you didn’t even realize that you were unhappy.
You kept thinking things would change but his indifference and selfishness pushed you deeper into the sadness that occupied your heart and mind.
These toxic men lure you into their trap and hold you in their grip, feeding off your energy, until one day there comes no energy left. Until one day you all dry up, until you give up and give up on him, on your relationship.
You have been emotionally abused, yelled at, and told that you are incompetent and stupid. God knows how many disgusting things you’ve heard but chosen to forget. Even though we know you will never erase those moments from your mind, you will try to push them deep into the back of your mind.
One day, you’ll walk away. She pulls away from his abuse, screaming, and intimidation and feels like filth. You thought you would free yourself and feel positive and happy again. But things seem to be getting worse, so she starts missing him and soon returns to him, hoping that things will be different this time.
You hope he turns things around because he realized how miserable he is without you. Indeed, you see this new side of him in the first few days. He’s attentive, loving, and caring right down to the first argument, and even the first time you stand up for yourself.
He doesn’t like it. He does not want a strong, independent woman next to him. He wants a poor, weak girl who will do exactly what she’s told, an irresistible girl, and that’s not you.
Then suddenly, you are transported into your abusive reality. Something has woken you up from the beautiful dreamland you were in and shown you once again who he really is.
I know what you’re going through. I know you left again and feel like coming back because you’re afraid of being alone, or you think he’ll change, or you think you still love him so you want to give him another chance.
Stop! Nothing will change. He will still be the same abusive, self-centered asshole and you will still be his victim to attack him when he feels like it.
You will be lost when you break up with him forever. You will feel unwanted and will be miserable for a while.
But you have to shed those tears or you’ll choke on them. You have to scream to release all your anger and not keep it inside because it will destroy you, it will beat you to emotional death.
But once you get everything bad out of your system, once you accept your new situation and your new role in life, things will start to change at the speed of light. You know that after the rain, the sun always comes out.
You have to hit rock bottom if you want to get up and get back up again.
- You will learn to love yourself
You will never see yourself the same way anymore. You learned your lesson and it changed you. Maybe it didn’t change you as much as it showed you what path you should no longer take, what lies and manipulations you should never believe again.
You will learn to respect yourself because you have been treated poorly for so long. You’ll see what you missed, and how much love you deserved but never got.
You will stop belittling yourself and embrace yourself because you are the best version of yourself, you just ran into the wrong guy for you.
- You will gradually forgive yourself
It won’t happen soon. You will resent yourself and hate yourself for being too stupid to trust him.
You will be angry because you let yourself fall in love with a manipulator in disguise and believed his lies and empty words.
But unfortunately, love is truly blind, and when you love someone, even if you know deep in your heart that he is not the right man for you, you refuse to believe it because you are crazy about love and the thing between you. It should work, it should just work.
- You accept what happened
When you break out of a toxic relationship, you will feel overwhelmed and feel alone. Only then do you begin to realize that you have been abused and emotionally abused.
Once you walk away from him, you’ll look back and realize how miserable you are and don’t want to admit it. You were always hoping for change, and you thought it was just a “phase.”
But when you get away from him and keep him out of your life forever, you will be able to think properly and see things as they really are. There is no one to change the truth and manipulate you into believing that you are happy and that things should be this way, and that you are the problem and not him. So accept it slowly.
It’s too much to accept all of a sudden. You allow yourself to jump towards this realization and do it step by step, so you don’t collapse. When you finally understand how and why things happened, and accept everything, you will find peace and move forward.
- Embrace the pain
It’s your pain, it’s part of you. It’s a feeling that comes from your heart, and even if it’s bad, you have to accept it. You have to learn to accept that you are in pain and you will be in pain for a while.
You loved someone, you may still have some feelings for them and they used and manipulated you. Your heart is wounded and bleeding badly.
But, over time, this wound will become smaller, and will bleed less, until one day it finally stops. You will never feel the same again, because you will always have a permanent reminder, a big scar on your heart, of what happened and what the pain was like.
But this is your pain, it comes from you and you have to bear it and learn how to overcome it.
- You learn to appreciate the little things
After the emotional chaos you have experienced, there is a period of complete and utter peace. A period when you find yourself again, when you learn to love the same things you loved before, when a shy but meaningful smile slowly returns to your face, a time when you rediscover yourself.
It’s like learning to walk or talk again. It takes time but it is there somewhere deep inside you. It’s not forgotten, it’s just misplaced.
You have to start with the little things. You go for a walk on a beautiful sunny day, alone, enjoying the sun, and the smell of fresh grass. You watch people pass by and you probably wonder what’s on their minds. Did some of them go through the same thing as you?
