Okay, I want you to think about someone in your life right now who is a narcissist.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, a coworker, or a family member—put them in your mind.
Now imagine life without the drama they cause. Without the chaos they cause. Without the division they cause for you and others in your circle. Am I right in assuming that things would be…
Peaceful?
Quiet?
Organized?
I’m right, right? Of course!
Going no contact will bring you all of these things, but it’s a huge decision that ultimately falls on you.
Before you make your decision, I want you to think about what going no contact could mean for you, so let’s dive in.
WhatIsNoContact?
No contact is just that.
You’re tired of the games, the abuse, the drama, and the manipulation.
You see the narcissist as nothing more than an angry, troublemaking person, and you’re thinking about ways to make your life simpler, calmer, and more enjoyable.
You don’t want them around, and there are steps you’ve started to take to make that happen.
No Contact is where you completely cut off your relationship with the narcissist. Not just a little. You don’t see them every now and then at a party or dinner. You don’t reduce your time—you cut them off completely.
Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle with Honesty
It’s a tool used by many people who have reached the end of their nerves with the narcissist, who just want to be able to move on without knowing that the narcissist is still around.
Why No Contact Works
What works better than not seeing someone who brings misery to your life?
Nothing at all!
No contact is a surefire way to promote inner peace. No other motivation is needed than the desire to stop the chaos.
As a result, the narcissist can’t control you. He can’t manipulate you. His tricks don’t get through to you:
He gets radio silence from you.
This leads the narcissist to look for another source—the next victim on his list to apply his tactics to.
Is this bad for him? Yes indeed.
Is this good for you? Very good.
Listen, you’ll make your own decision about no contact, but there are things to consider as you begin looking for ways to expel the narcissist.
Let’s take a look at those things.
What does no contact mean to you?
1 Think about all the feelings…
So, here’s where no contact can get so difficult to understand, and that’s what makes it so hard to get to this point.
No contact means you’re saying goodbye to someone who’s going to enhance the enrichment and quality of your life. This means you can move forward and feel an element of freedom, but because those who usually end up making this huge decision are good, compassionate people, it comes with a plethora of confusing emotions.
Guilt.
Regret.
Fear.
Sadness.
Grief.
Yes – you are, to some extent, sad because you are letting go of someone, and along with that, the idea of the person you wished they were for you. This is often the case with family members or friends because they should, by default, be an important member of your support system.
The fact that they’ve caused you so much pain along the way proves that they don’t have that mansion in your life, so you’ve decided to politely let them go.
No contact can change and shift the dynamics a lot, which brings me to my next point…
2 Prepare for Backlash
It’s a sad but true fact that no contact means you’re more likely to lose other people along the way.
These are known as flying monkeys, and they’re people that narcissists recruit to do their dirty work for them. This can look like believing the stories the narcissist tells them, getting into arguments with you about how unfair you’ve been, how much the narcissist has hurt you… basically anything and everything that makes you feel bad.
Losing people can work in your favor – after all – if they really care about you, why would they be so quick to believe the narcissist about you?
I always tell people that there’s always a big reason why people decide not to contact, so that they never lean on one side of the story to get it all.
3 Restore Peace
What is that noise you can hear?
Oh that’s right, nothing!
Why don’t I get angry at the dinner table when I talk about my day?
Yes, it’s because the narcissist is not a topic of discussion.
Restore Peace.
It will take some time to get used to the lack of drama that the narcissist embodies in you, but after some time you will truly appreciate the love and healing that will spread now that the narcissist is no longer around, pushing your buttons and exploiting your emotional health.
4 Guilt Will Set In
Listen here, because this part is so important.
Guilt is a natural part of letting go of someone, even if that person was bad for you.
You were trained to depend on narcissists. To believe them, to do what you are told. You were told to act a certain way in order to be accepted, to never be on their wrong side. When they loved you, they loved you deeply, but only then did they get rid of you.
Related : 8 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle with Honesty
Now – the world is yours for the taking. This initial burst of freedom can make you almost feel sorry for the narcissist.
This is where you have to remember that – if you chose this – it was for a reason. You chose peace because it called you and told you it was a choice, so you made it.
5 You Might Make Mistakes – That’s OK
Hey, we’re all human, and sometimes we all make mistakes.
Why do people slip up after disconnecting?
In fact, the most common way to do this is through sheer curiosity. The person who has decided to disconnect is wondering if the narcissist has redeemed themselves.
They’ve watched A Christmas Carol over and over again because, no, the narcissist isn’t running around dancing and apologizing to everyone for being an old fool—they’re still the same person they’ve always been.
Sometimes slipping up can mean taking a peek into the narcissist’s current life, rolling your eyes and realizing why you made that decision in the first place.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Your kind heart was wondering if people could really change, and sometimes they can.
Narcissists aren’t like that.
