Are you planning how to annoy a narcissist? This article is about things that usually bother or turn narcissists off.

The purpose of this article is not to find things to intentionally end with narcissists. It’s the discussion of things that bother narcissists. So once you understand how they think, you can avoid conflict and drama on your own. What’s the point of intentionally filtering someone out if you’re going to be on the receiving end?

Many people have no choice but to spend time with narcissists. They could be in your workplace, or in your family for example. Learning the things that bother them helps you navigate their difficult personalities. And it allows you to avoid the things that trigger it. But, if you want to intentionally annoy a narcissist, this article may be useful to you.

Related: Surviving The She-Ego: How To Deal With A Narcissist Boss Female

How to annoy a narcissist: 5 things to know

Here are some of the things I’ve noticed that bother most narcissists…

1. Tell them what to do
   Although narcissists love to control others, they don’t like to be controlled around themselves. Narcissists see themselves as powerful and omnipotent. They like to be in control of situations.

If you want them to do something, you better ask them in a way that doesn’t hurt their egos. For example, if you want them to wear a mask in the workplace, saying “You have to wear a face mask here” might be met with hostility. Because the narcissist will think, “Who are you to tell me what to do? I don’t have to do anything.”

You’d probably go down better if you asked, “Are you OK with wearing a face mask here? It helps protect you like everyone else.”

In this example, you are asking them to wear a face mask. Don’t tell them. And you give them the respect to show why. And show them that you care, too.

The narcissist is happier saying “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind wearing a face mask” because they were asked, and they finally made the decision. Or at least they think they did.

2. Forget it
   Most narcissists hate being forgotten. In their minds, that means they are unimportant. This contrasts with their delusional belief that the entire universe revolves around them. This discrepancy stirs up strong feelings because narcissists want to maintain their illusions.

If you arrange to call them, meet them, etc., do so at the agreed time. If something goes wrong, let them know ahead of time. If you forget or are late, they may take it as a great insult. Potentially lead to drama and conflict. Any promise you make, do your best to keep it.

Narcissists are often mistrustful of themselves. But they don’t see the hypocrisy in expecting more from you. When you identify with a narcissist, you should be the bigger person.

If a narcissist tells you they like two sugars in their coffee, try to remember that next time. While your forgetfulness might not offend them too much, they will be warmer if they notice that you remember little things like that. It shows them that they matter. And that means a lot to most narcissists.

3. It rained on their parade
   If the narcissist considers himself skilled or knowledgeable in a particular field, he may become competitive if he displays knowledge or skills in that same field.

For example, if they consider themselves good at art, expect them to humiliate your “poor attempt” at art. Even if you are as good as or better than they are.

Narcissists seem to have two or three areas where they think they are best. She becomes especially angry and competitive if she feels challenged in any way. For example, my ex-girlfriend considered herself a good singer. Any time I sang she would give up singing which is supposed to be terrible. Even if you’re just messing around.

My narcissistic friend would get angry and competitive if I ever spoke up about Buddhism. Because in her mind she was the expert, not me. So I stopped talking about Buddhism around her. It just wasn’t worth it.

If you can get a sense of what they consider to be “their” area of expertise, you can learn to avoid it when you are around them. While this isn’t ideal, it does manage to get drawn into heated, competitive arguments.

4. To laugh at
   While a narcissist may be happy to laugh at your misfortunes, they don’t see the funny side when the tables are turned.

If the narcissist stumbles, it is usually best to ask if they are okay. If they laugh about it themselves, it might be a good idea to laugh a little with them. But if not, try to keep it.

Narcissists like to be seen as perfect. So they often have a humor of transgression if the joke is on them. The same thing they laughed at yesterday, could make them explode today if it happened to them.

If you’re thinking about how to upset a narcissist (intentionally), laughing at them might be the best way to do it.

Related: 18 Signs Of A Narcissistic Co-Parent and How To Deal

5. Not accepting gifts
   Narcissists sometimes do thoughtful things, and they might even buy you a gift. Narcissists are incredibly sensitive souls and hate being vulnerable. And in their minds, buying you a gift makes them vulnerable.

Narcissists can get angry if you refuse a gift. For example, they buy you a T-shirt, and you say “No thanks, I don’t like that color.”

For a narcissist, this is a slap in the face. They went out of their way for you, and you rudely rejected them. And that kind of thing could piss them off for days. “Do you think you are better than me?”