Breaking free from a relationship with a narcissist is one of the hardest and most painful things every victim has to do. But it becomes more difficult when there are children.
All you want to do is no contact but that is impossible because your children bind you to this man for the rest of your life. Even though you want to protect your children from this man’s toxicity, he is their father and you know you have to find a way to partner with him in the most successful way possible.
But at the same time, you must be careful to maintain your sanity and mental health, for your own sake and for the sake of your children. Here are 5 ways to help you do that.
- Don’t let him blame you
It is a proven fact that narcissists have no sense of responsibility. And even when they know they’re the ones who messed things up, they’ll never admit it. Instead, they will try to place all the blame on their victim for everything that happened.
This is exactly what your ex will try to do. He will try to make you look like the bad guy and he will try to make you feel guilty for destroying your family and for not giving your children a chance to be raised by their parents.
Don’t let it get to you! Remember, you are not in charge. These are just his manipulations through which he tries to force you to return to him in one way or another.
- Only talk to him about the children
When you leave a narcissistic partner, the first advice you will hear is to cut off all possible ties with him. But something like this is impossible when both of you are parenting.
The truth is that you have to communicate with your ex regarding your children. Without a doubt, he will do his best to use everything he has to try to get to you. He will try to talk to you about everything that happened between you and will try to manipulate his way back together.
This is something you should never allow, at any cost. Remember, every narcissist is sneaky. He won’t ask you back on his first try. Instead, it will patiently work its way under your skin, step by step, without you even realizing what’s happening.
To avoid this, talk to him only about the children. Do your best to look at him as the father of your children and nothing else. Shut down all the personal feelings you had or might still have for this man.
- Set a strict schedule and stick to it
The moment you break up with your narcissistic ex is the moment you have to strictly agree on visiting hours or days. This is something you have to commit to if you want a peaceful life.
Trust me, he will try to keep ruining your life by ruining your plans, not taking the kids when he should or by asking to see them outside of his schedule. Do not allow him to do this under any circumstances, because if you do, you are giving him another way to control your time.
- Be a good role model for your children
When you co-parent with a narcissist, you are not the only one who can teach your children important moral values. You are not the only one who can be a role model for them and you do not have complete influence on their upbringing.
Like it or not, your ex also has a huge influence on them and they look up to him, because they don’t realize how toxic he is.
Although you can’t be the one who talks badly about their parent, what you can do is be the best possible example for your children.
Show them the importance of self-care and self-love. Teach them the difference between good and evil, right and wrong. Don’t focus on trying to explain to your children why their father isn’t behaving right – teach them to be better than him with your own examples, without even mentioning it.
- Teach your children about abuse
I know this is not something you want to do, but if your children are exposed to toxic behavior, you need to teach them how to recognize abuse and how to protect themselves from it. I know this is something you don’t want to think about but the truth is that there is a possibility that your children could become victims of a narcissist too, without you even noticing.
That’s why you should try hard to explain to them that they can tell you anything that bothers them. You need to teach your children how to name and identify different types of abuse.
Don’t use your previous relationship as an example and don’t talk to them about what their father did to you. Instead, give them other examples of age-appropriate emotional, verbal, and physical abuse.
