The anonymous sender’s email changed Charlotte’s life forever.
While reading it, she was horrified to learn that her good, moral husband, Irv, was not only cheating on her, but was on a sexual voyage.
If it had been one woman or one time, things would have been different. Instead, Irv hooked up with as many women as he could, sometimes having two or three affairs a night.
Was Irv a fucking man?
Good question.
Since he was over twenty-five and not hot, that makes him more of a womanizer than a whore.
On the other hand, Irv can be considered a player if he is honest about his conquests, or a ladies’ man if he is charming, flirtatious and has a bit of elegance.
Unfortunately, it was none of those things.
Related: How My Narcissistic Mother Tried To Ruin Christmas
Whatever you call it, Irv was a sexual narcissist.
Sexual narcissists tend to be serial cheaters, concerned only with their own sexual satisfaction. Like Irv, sexual narcissists don’t care who they hurt in the process
If asked on the rare occasion when he was in the mood to tell the truth, Irv would say he had unmet needs.
sad face.
However, the entire harem would not be able to meet Erv’s needs.
Irv was likable because he didn’t seem emotionally dangerous. He was bookish, untragic.
One look would convince anyone that he wasn’t cute enough to be a heartbreaker.
The surprising fact about womanizers is that they are usually not the sexiest or best looking men. They just know how to lie well, and Irv lies like a mockingbird pretending to be helpful.
Here are the five stages of realizing that your man is a sexual narcissist:
The first stage: denial
When Charlotte discovered the truth, she felt like a character in a novel – nothing seemed real or relevant to her life.
She had had experience as a womanizer before Irv, and was eager to take on someone who was very handsome or very accomplished. She can spot a narcissist from ten feet away, but not when they’re sharing each other’s streaming accounts.
She couldn’t believe that the man who spent so much of their time together bitching and complaining about being a victim in his private life was having as much sex as a professional ballplayer.
For a brief moment, Charlotte felt sorry for all the women he had cheated on her with. Then she realized the stupidity of it all, and laughed so hard that tears came out of her eyes and dripped into her morning kombucha.
Related: 11 Critical Steps To Follow When Breaking Up With A Manipulative Narcissist
The second stage: anger
Irv made Charlotte feel like her presence in his life was vital. It is as if he is purifying and it is his water.
Now I realize it might have been the water, but it was always shit.
Charlotte was angry when she learned the truth, but her anger was not with Irv. How could she have allowed herself to be deceived by a man with below average looks who lacked charm and charisma?
He promised Irv that he would never hurt her and that her heart was safe with him.
Without regret, Charlotte took Irv’s beloved collection of old lunch boxes and Star Trek memorabilia and donated them to a nearby day care center.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Charlotte went from “if he promises to change and stay faithful, maybe we can save our marriage” to “I can do better.”
She decided that he had to pay because he loved women, so she hired a ruthless divorce lawyer.
There was no need to bargain, not even for legal fees.
Related: 8 Dire Mistakes To Avoid When Divorcing A Manipulative Narcissist
Stage 4: Depression
Using her feelings of bitterness, frustration and sadness as fuel, Charlotte waged a social media war against her soon-to-be ex-husband.
She wrote long, detailed posts about his cheating on social media, deleted him from all of her accounts, and made a funny TikTok about him that went viral.
