Falling in love with a narcissist feels like you’re finally in the fantasy relationship you’ve always wanted. Everything is just fine. You are passionate about it. The emotion is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. And you’re told, “You’re finally the one for me,” making you feel like you’ve been chosen out of all the others.
But the problem is that you don’t know you’ve fallen in love with a narcissist until it’s too late. You have been in difficult situations or are married, and this makes it more difficult for you to break free. You may start to see some red flags and signs that he is a narcissist, but you are not entirely sure. And if you’re a people-pleaser, you should probably ask yourself before you ask your partner.
No matter where you are in your relationship, there are signs where your Prince (or Princess) Charming is starting to show his true narcissistic personality. It is important to understand that your partner does not change. Like a chameleon, the narcissist must blend in with healthy, socially functioning people to perpetuate his false sense of self. Its colors change, but it is still a chameleon.
Unfortunately, he can never maintain his disguise for very long, which is why he must need new things, new people, and new supplies so he can get rid of the old (which ends up being you).
Here are five signs that he is a narcissist and will never change.
1. Pointing turns into negation.
You were told that you were smart, attractive, and funny and that your outgoing nature was a big draw to you, but now your narcissist sees you as otherwise. Your intelligence is now viewed as sly, your charisma is now overzealous, and your wit and sense of humor are now vulgar.
The very wonderful qualities that he once loved about you are now the “reason” for the demise of the relationship, and he reminds you of them daily.
Related: 9 Dominant Traits That Reveal Someone Might Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder
2. Your success becomes a threat.
All of your accomplishments are threats to his existence because he knows he can’t keep up with you. You are also threatening his chance to gain praise and approval from others, so you will be told that your successes are not great, so calm down.
3. He is Jekyll in the office and Hyde when he is at home.
Everyone loves Jekyll and thinks you are very lucky to be married to such a charming and attractive person. But when Hyde returns home, she experiences mood swings, anger, turmoil, alcoholism, isolation, and an unwillingness to participate in family activities.
This Jekyll and Hyde routine happens because it’s exhausting to maintain a false sense of self for eight hours a day, and he eventually resents you and your family for reminding them of his real disabilities.
Related: What Movies Get SO Wrong About What It Means To Be A Narcissist
4. Your approval is no longer important.
You used to be the only person whose opinion mattered, but now no one notices. At this point, your narcissist is disgusted with you. She takes your compliments as needy and desperate.
He must now go elsewhere to gain the approval of those he still admires, and who have not caught on to his narcissistic ways.
5. His compassion turns into indifference.
Your illness or bad day at the office was sympathized with chicken soup or a bouquet. But now, no matter how hard it is, he reminds you that he has it worse than you.
Whenever you try your best to have some compassion, it backfires with indifference. This is probably the hardest thing about loving a narcissist because when your emotional needs are not met, you continue to chase them, which puts your self-esteem at severe risk. Once your self-esteem is gone, you risk staying with a narcissist long-term because you don’t think you can do any better.
Because you are closest to him, you become “them” and begin to question his behavior. The narcissist’s greatest fear is to be exposed to the fact that he is no longer truly special, which is why he must have an abundant supply from abundant sources. Which leaves you abandoned, neglected, abused, and traumatized.
