Toxic hope is part of what keeps us stuck in bad situations because these are the stories we tell ourselves or choose to believe that keep us from confronting what we normally know to be true and true deep down. Today, I would like to discuss toxic hope and its relationship to gaslighting. There’s an interesting connection there, and I’ll also leave you with five ways to tell if your hopes are toxic because it’s not always obvious. Let’s get started.

I have a lot of experience with toxic hope because I felt like I had layers of toxic hope when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. There were a lot of things I clung to, but deep down there was a disconnect.

I knew there was a gap, and I held on to toxic hope, but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. So, what is the connection between toxic hope and gaslighting? Insidious gaslighting is a complex problem, and toxic hope is not always a stellar player. However, there are times when we are aware of the truth but choose to suppress it.

Related: 5 Types of Narcissistic Blame Shifting

Mind manipulation

We cling to hope that what the other person is saying is true in these times. Toxic hope is to suppress what you know to be true by overriding it with what this person tells you is true. If you are telling yourself the same story the other person is telling you but are forcing yourself to believe it, this is a form of gaslighting.

One of the signs is that you won’t tell anyone else. why? Because you are well aware that it does not make any sense. You can act as if it makes sense to you. You can pretend in your head that it makes sense. You can gloss over things that don’t add up, but when you tell them to someone else, they’ll ask questions, and you’ll fall apart quickly.

Spiritual Transcendence

Another way we see toxic hope is with spirituality or transcendentalism, which means using spiritual concepts to help you believe this person’s story, or that they will change. It gives you hope that someone or something can save him.

You may think that this person is your twin flame. I do not deny the existence of soulmates and twin flames, but I will say that I am convinced that many people cling to these concepts to justify the bad behavior of others. It gives them false hope because if this person is their twin or soul mate, and we were really meant to be together one day, they will have this realization and catch up with me.

I see it all the time. I’ve seen people put up with bad behavior because they think the person is their twin flame or soul mate. This, too, is a form of toxic hope.

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and are not sure if you have reason to hope or if your hopes are toxic, I would like to give you some pointers to help you think for yourself.

Nothing I can say will convince you that I have Sam. This is very personal, and only you will be aware of that. I can’t tell if you’re calling this a certain sign that your hopes are toxic and that you need to end the relationship. This is not for me to say, but I hope these signs prompt you to think and see what is going on in your own life.

Related: 4 Key Behaviors A Narcissist Displays That Reveals Their True Colors

5 signs that you are clinging to toxic hope

1. This isn’t your first time
   If this isn’t your first time at a rodeo, this may be a sign that your hopes are toxic. I’ve been here before. Like me, you probably had layers of toxic hope throughout the relationship. But what really happens behind the scenes is that you hope for change that never comes.

You might see glimmers of hope, little things you can hold on to – “That was definitely an improvement. There were some small changes. Maybe we’re making progress.” But if you look at where you are now and where you were when you first realized there were some issues in the relationship, but not much progress over a reasonable amount of time, your hopes are probably toxic.

2. You feel uncomfortable when faced with a challenge
   Another sign that you may be dealing with toxic hope is that you feel uncomfortable when someone challenges your wish. Suppose you believe the warrior’s lies about reality, and you know deep down that they are meaningless, but you will not admit them to yourself. Maybe you discuss it with someone else and start talking about what you believe and hope it’s true, and the person punches holes in it.

They might say, “Yeah, but how about this? Or that part doesn’t make sense. Could you please clarify? Did you ask this person that question?” If they start to poke holes in your story and you feel very uncomfortable or angry, that’s a good sign of Your hopes are toxic. There is no reason to feel uncomfortable or angry if you are truly confident in your position and beliefs.

3. You have an annoying feeling
   The third sign that your hopes are toxic is that you have a nagging feeling: “What if I’m wrong? What if this isn’t true? What if this person is lying?” It can come on all of a sudden. You may be aware of this from time to time.

It just feels uncomfortable, and it keeps coming. You’re replaying the toxic story of hope in your head and trying to suppress it, but there’s a nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right.

Related: 7 Signs of A Female Narcissist

4. You deviate from responsibility
   The fourth sign that your hopes are toxic is that he takes responsibility for the person who should take it. Self-reflection is essential when it comes to all of these warning signs.

If you find yourself taking the responsibility away from the other person and shifting it onto yourself, someone else, or even a higher power — “It’s up to God to make this right,” that’s a sign that something isn’t quite right.

5. They blame you
   The fifth sign that your hopes are toxic is a big red flag: If the person you’re with is pressuring you to take responsibility or delegate that responsibility to someone or something else.

May it remind you of your faith in God. They may accuse you of being untrustworthy. Because of this, do not believe the story they told you.

It makes no sense, but they will tell you that because you lack confidence, not because they are lying. If the other person is pressuring you to make changes or see things differently for that hope to be relevant, that is a sign that they are harmful.

These are five indicators that your hopes are toxic, and I’d like to leave you with one more piece of advice: If you’re going to stay in this relationship for any length of time, and if you’re going to hopefully hold on to this, start taking notes. Make a note of how it goes.

Make notes about what is changing and whether the change is sustainable or if the person returns to their old habits. Record the steps you take forward and backward. Look at the end of whatever time feels right to see where you started and where you are now.

If no progress is made, no matter what story is being told or the story you tell yourself, clinging to hope will be detrimental. This will keep you stuck because you’ll see small steps forward and think you’re making progress, but if you look back in a diary or diary of what’s going on in this relationship, you might see things differently.

Related: The 7 Things Narcissists Are Most Afraid Of

The goal is not to hold the other person accountable or to try to get them to change. Usually, there is no point in doing this. Keeping records won’t change the person if you’ve been hoping all along, but it will help you see more clearly what’s going on in the relationship.

I hope you found this information useful. If you do, go ahead and comment below and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more content like this. I will see you next time.