It’s not wrong to feel ashamed of something, but it is wrong to feel toxic shame. How can we stop doing this?
If you do something wrong, it’s normal to feel a little ashamed. But some of us suffer from the unhealthy trap of shame that makes us constantly repeat past mistakes in our heads. This process then damages our self-esteem. One thing leads to another and then toxic shame takes over your entire life. This should never happen.
What is toxic shyness?
Toxic feelings of shame come from an irrational place and produce feelings of worthlessness. This feeling can come from our mistakes, traumas that may not be our fault at all, or even from events dating back to our childhood. How do we know if we have shy and toxic habits? There are some indicators that stick out like a sore thumb.
Signs of unhealthy shyness
- She wears masks
If you suffer from toxic shyness, one of the most common things you will do is wear a mask to cover your true identity. It is not a mask to cover your physical identity, but a mask to cover who you are inside. Shame of this nature makes you feel like you’re truly unpresentable to the public. So, you can create a version of yourself that you think will look better to others. - You are isolating yourself
Even ordinary shyness will make you isolate yourself for a while, but usually not for long. Most of the time, shame fades a little when friends and family support you as you forgive yourself.
However, with unhealthy shyness, isolation can last a long time, even after friends and family try to convince you to come out of your shell. If you are isolating yourself from everyone and everything, you may be dealing with toxic shame from some source.
- You will not express yourself
Whatever happened to shame you, you refuse to talk about the situation. Usually, there is much more to it than just a linear story and more than just concrete right and wrong. It is important to express yourself when you make mistakes or experience traumatic events. Most importantly, express yourself about childhood issues that have caused shame in adulthood. - You lie about many things
Toxic feelings of shame will make you lie because the truth is harder to accept. If asked about various personal things, she will lie, not only using denial, but also by making up the truth. By using this behavior, you are putting a temporary balm on your shyness, which never lasts. If the shame is bad enough, you will continue to do it until you accept the truth yourself. - Low self-esteem
It is impossible to have positive self-esteem or good self-esteem and toxic shame at the same time. Your negative feelings about yourself that have turned into relentless shame will cause extremely low self-esteem. If you have unhealthy shyness, you will always put yourself in front of others.
How can we overcome this feeling?
If you’ve already fallen victim to toxic shame, it’s not hopeless. Even if the cause is childhood trauma, you can still learn to overcome this self-defeating behavior. Because that’s exactly what it is. This behavior will ultimately erode your entire view of yourself.
Having compassion for yourself is one of the most important things you can do to get rid of unhealthy emotions. Keep in mind that no matter what, we are all human and imperfect, and many of us are recovering from something that hurt us or something we did.
So cut yourself a little slack. An effective way to start doing this is to use positive statements about yourself. Every day say things like: “I am worthy,” “I am loved,” “Someone needs me.”
Mindfulness, through things like meditation, reminds us of truth. Toxic shame is actually the inability to take healthy responsibility for what happened if any responsibility falls on your shoulders. If not, mindfulness can also help you realize how strong you are and how you can overcome anything, even past traumas. No matter how difficult it is to understand, we are more resilient than we know.
You can also learn how to transform the inner voice of shame into an expression of anger. No, it is not healthy to express anger violently, but it is healthy to understand that shame is an expression of anger at your current feelings and situation.
ToxicShame must go
The point here is that no matter what it takes, you have to learn how to let go of unjustified feelings of shame. Whether it’s due to childhood trauma, some mistake you made, or a recent experience, embracing shame of a toxic nature will only make things worse, for you and for those you love and care about.
The best thing you can do is take responsibility for your actions and learn how to move forward. This means creating a positive life for yourself, coupled with a positive self-image.
