The term “toxic parent” was invented to describe parents whose negative behaviors cause devastating emotional damage that destroys their children’s sense of self.

Abusive parents are those who verbally, psychologically, physically, or sexually abuse their children, as well as parents who are not present or sensitive to their children’s emotional needs.

You may have been raised by such a toxic parent who caused you untold emotional and mental suffering. If you come from such a home, healing your childhood wounds is essential if you are to enjoy a normal life.

5 Signs of a toxic parent

So, what are some signs of a toxic parent?

1. They never affirm or praise you
   You may already know this from experience but often the narcissistic parent is self-indulgent and likely didn’t take the time to affirm or praise you while you were growing up. Their needs came first, and they expected you to meet those needs and fulfill those needs. The consequence of this behavior is that you may often find yourself with inappropriateness and an unhealthy, obsessive desire to please others.
2. Toxic parents expect their children to take responsibility for them
   No child should bear the burden of raising his parents. Toxic parents don’t see it that way. For them, I was there to serve them all along. This relationship is false and parasitic in nature. When you were a kid, your childhood was taken away from you and forced you to grow up and take on responsibilities you had no bearing on business.
3. Toxic parents condemn their children and force them to justify unacceptable behavior
   Toxic parents blame their children for their mistakes. Perhaps growing up you’d hear over and over again things like, “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be ABC.” This made you think that you are to blame for your parents’ mistakes, your parents’ drinking problem, drug use or something else. Unacceptable behavior your parents engaged in.

As you get older, you may have developed something known as codependency. The modern definition of codependency is someone who enables and supports the destructive behaviors of another, such as manipulative narcissists.

4. Their children have an abnormally high sense of fear
   This is common among children who come from toxic homes. If you haven’t come to terms with your past yet, you may still have some level of fear of your parents.

Children who grow up in loving families tend to have a healthy fear of their parents that stems from respect and love. On the other hand, the fear you endure is not a fear of respect, but fear. You may never have been allowed to express your feelings or receive the love you deserve. You may have experienced the pain of being on the receiving end of harsh words and physical and emotional abuse. So, just mentioning or picturing your parents brings back overwhelming fear.

5. Your feelings don’t matter to them – only theirs
   In the case of a normal family, parents worry about what their children do and feel. On the other hand, narcissistic parents don’t care about your feelings at all. Only their feelings matter. As a result, as a child grew up in this toxic environment, I learned to suppress and hide my hurt, anger, and sadness.

The toxic harm parents do to their children

The harm a toxic parent does is often seen in their children’s behavior. Even as an adult, you may find yourself struggling with behavior, personality, and personality issues. Here are some examples of the harmful consequences that narcissistic parents can have.

1. A child who grows up to be dependent on others
   Do you find yourself desperate for the approval of others and as such often develop dysfunctional emotional relationships? Does your self-esteem come from others, and as a result you have become withdrawn and dependent on others? As a codependent partner, you may unintentionally enable or encourage the destructive behaviors of your partner or spouse. You do this because you don’t know how to help your partner or spouse in healthy ways and because you don’t know what normal relationships are.

2. The child develops a personality disorder
   According to German-American psychoanalyst Karen Horney, if you grow up in a toxic environment, you may develop personality disorders. Some children who have become adults fall into depression, and others suffer from mental problems. Some try to gain and win unhealthily love and power. You may even have a hidden desire to take revenge. If you don’t allow yourself to heal before you start a family, you may find that you are no better than your toxic parent.
3. Create a cycle that threatens to repeat
   Alice Miller suggests that the toxic parent is responsible for instilling in their children the ability to reproduce their own narcissistic abuse, thus creating an intergenerational cycle. If you were raised by narcissistic, authoritarian parents, it is very likely that your parenting style will be similar to that of your parents.

Ways to start healing from toxic parental abuse

It is possible to heal from toxic parents, and grow and develop into a better person. Here are some ways to help you begin your journey of recovery and transformation.

1. I realize your father has a problem
   The first step to healing is acknowledging that there is a problem, not you. Once you come to terms with this, you will understand that you are not a misfit. You are not unimportant. You are not unlovable, and yes you can love yourself and deserve to be loved in return. You’re not the problem – your toxic dad is, too.
2. Take the time to study toxic parents
   You can’t fix a problem you don’t understand. You will need to take the time to learn about the behaviors of toxic parents. You will recognize the traits in your father. You will also see how their distorted behavior has affected your life. Once you are aware of the problem, you will be in a better place to understand your wounds and how to overcome them.
3. Separate yourself from the Toxic Parent’s Company
   This is indispensable. You have to get away from the source of your hurt and pain. Healing will not come if you stay in touch with the problem. Just like breaking up with toxic love partners, spending time away from your parents will help you refocus, look inward, and understand yourself and your parents.
4. Let go of the anger and resentment you hold
   For many people, this part is the hardest. Holding onto anger gives them a sense of power and a sense of control. However, holding onto your anger and resentment doesn’t do anyone any good—especially you. After studying toxic parents and taking the time to reflect, you will likely have a better understanding of the situation.

But this does not necessarily mean that you will want to forgive your parents.

Sometimes anger is deeply rooted and will take a lifetime to overcome, but it is important to take that first step and let go. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated. In the quiet of your room, you can simply say the words, “I choose to forgive you, and I let go of my anger and resentment.” You may have to say this several times to yourself and keep reminding yourself daily.

5. Dream new dreams
   Toxic parents may have put you down and seriously damaged your self-esteem and confidence. This may have caused you to avoid dreams that you wanted to pursue because you never felt you could achieve them. This is the time to dream a new dream or to pursue dreams that you have always wanted to achieve.

Shifting your energy into new things will help the healing process. Doing something you love and are good at will boost your confidence. Little by little, you will see that you change and become a different person – a better version of yourself.