The martyr complex, although a less dramatic expression than in historical times, is still in use today in people we love, and sometimes even in ourselves.
There are commonalities between the martyr complex and the victim complex, although they are slightly different. The martyr feels like a victim and also seeks other ways to further harm himself. On the other hand, a person with a victim complex feels victimized but does not choose further ways to suffer.
Signs of the martyr complex
The word martyr once had a meaning far removed from what it means today. A martyr is defined as a person who sacrifices himself for his country, religion, or other beliefs.
Now, a decade has arisen that brings a new meaning to the word. There are signs of this toxic mindset, if your family, friends or even you suffer from this problem. To understand this and get help, let’s get to know the signs.
- They always say yes
Although this may not seem like a negative, it may be. Always saying “yes” instead of “no” may mean that you are sacrificing yourself too much for others.
The thought process is this: “I say yes so they know I’m putting them before me, sacrificing what I really want, and it makes me look honorable.” They make sure you know this too.
- Never make a mistake
I’ve had a victim complex from time to time, and I still do. But to have a martyr complex means to never make a mistake in anything. It seems like everything bad that happened to you was someone else’s fault, when in reality, you may have brought a large portion of it on yourself.
- Staying in bad relationships
Because of the sacrificial nature of this disorder, the martyr will remain in some of the worst relationships. That’s because they don’t believe they deserve to be in a healthy union with someone else. They also use this situation to reinforce their problems and negative behavior. The relationship actually serves their position. - They are paranoid
These types of people tend to be paranoid about others. When it comes to family or friends, they believe the worst in them, always believing there is an ulterior motive at hand. This paranoia will grow stronger as negative feelings of self-sacrifice persist. Even small discrepancies are considered a devilish betrayal for them. - Create drama
A person with a self-sacrificing nature like this will also create a great deal of drama. The drama created will revolve around some mistakes made by some people. Instead of dealing with the problem in isolation, they will tell as many people as possible to make others aware that the martyr is the “real” victim.
How to deal with this toxic complex?
Whether the martyr complex resides in us or in someone we love, it needs to be eliminated or at least preserved. There are several ways to deal with this complex without sacrificing your sanity.
- Communications
One way to deal with this self-sacrificing attitude is to learn how to communicate your feelings correctly. Over time, if this is you, you have developed some unhealthy ways of expressing your feelings.
So, instead of using toxic words to connect points or convey emotions, you should avoid things like passive aggressive actions, and don’t let negative emotions build up. When negative feelings arise, express these feelings in a more constructive way. Maybe talk about the bad feelings and then talk about your plans to overcome them.
- Always set boundaries
Practice saying no to some things people want you to do. This will help you gradually break those sacrificial crutches you are leaning on. You see, saying yes has always been your excuse as a martyr.
If you say no, that facade goes away, so you learn not to play with that mentality. The knot can really be broken with a simple “no” instead of “yes” all the time.
- Take responsibility
You could be the martyr or anyone else, it doesn’t matter. The point is that everyone should take their share of responsibility in life. Your presence in the victims’ complex absolves you from bearing any responsibility whatsoever.
Some people think that if they are constantly hurt and abused, how can they be blamed? This is the mentality that needs to be broken – it’s not about blame. The truth is that no matter how bad things get, you still have to take responsibility for the roles you play now. Few people live lives of holiness.
- Look inward
If you are the one playing the victim, it is time to stop looking at everyone and look inward. Change starts with you, no matter what is happening outside, you must interact, respond and communicate in a healthy way. The only way to do this is to initiate the inner work.
Meditation is beneficial for those suffering from this complex because it calms the mind and takes the focus away from the turmoil of the toxic self. It cleanses and renews the way we see the world around us. If our family or friends are suffering from a victim complex, we can help them with that too.
Build a healthy self
There are so many ways we get sidetracked and damaged in this world. We develop diseases, disorders, and toxic beliefs such as a martyr complex. But we cannot hide our true selves, and we cannot deny the actions of the people we love.
So, it is time again for change, yes change, that sometimes difficult step that we all have to take. With this change, we can stop the martyr complex and develop a mentality of love, tolerance and peace.
