People with narcissistic personality disorder have an arsenal of tactics they use daily. Among these is multifaceted, subtle intimidation.
I think I could write about 15 books on narcissistic personality disorder. I’ve experienced many of its symptoms, been deceived by it, and then painstakingly learned how to defend myself against them.
You think you understand it completely, then suddenly you’re hit with another bizarre statement or action that leaves you speechless. It’s like you’ve run into a wall of confusion.
Signs Of Subtle Intimidation
As you can see, narcissists use overt tactics like manipulation and blatant abuse, but they also employ these subtle intimidation tactics that can catch you off guard if you’re not careful.
So, here are some signs that you’re being manipulated without realizing it. And I bet they’re scaring you too.
- Projection
I’ve talked about projection before because narcissists use it a lot. Narcissists who lie pathologically use this kind of tactic to defend themselves against confrontation.
Let’s say you confront your narcissistic partner about their constant lies, and they say:
“I’m not lying. You just don’t trust me, and you never will.”
Hmm, have you ever heard that? I know I have.
The reason this is so scary is that you can’t break free from this cycle with them. They’ll never be honest when you confront them unless you have proof. And if you show them the proof, it’s no longer a secret. They’ll likely explode with anger.
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This means they’re trapped, and no form of narcissistic defense can save them. All they can do is get angry. Isn’t that scary enough?
- Manipulation
While some people tend to be controlling, others set boundaries based on their beliefs. There are things people accept and things they don’t. Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and the choice to stay or leave.
So, if a narcissist chooses to stay with you despite not liking or respecting your boundaries, they will try to change or eliminate them. And when you refuse and stand your ground, they will accuse you of being controlling.
I remember telling a narcissist that if they didn’t like my boundaries, they shouldn’t stay with me. They insisted on staying, but then accused me of being controlling.
As you can see, they distort your standards and stick to you like glue, constantly draining you. Sometimes you have to cut them off. All this manipulation used to break down your boundaries can be terrifying.
- Sowing Doubt and Suspicion
Pay close attention to how your narcissistic friend speaks. Can you detect the threats hidden behind their seemingly simple statements? Those who use subtle intimidation try to fuel your feelings of suspicion and mistrust by talking about what you will lose if you cut ties with them.
This is especially common among married couples. Your wife might threaten to prevent you from seeing your children in the event of a divorce, but she won’t say it outright. She might say something like,
“Oh dear! The children will suffer the most. They might not see one parent as much as the other.”
This, my friend, is a veiled threat. Beware!
- Triangle
We’ve talked about this before. I absolutely hate triangle because it works for narcissists.
As you can see, people with narcissistic personality disorder can put on a very nice act in front of your family. You might have a girlfriend who’s a master at hiding her true self, only to reveal her true colors when you’re alone together.
For example, she might become friends with your sister, make her like her, give her gifts, try to get close to her, and even discuss your personal life with her. At some point, she’ll make your sister think negatively about you and positively about herself—what a narcissist!
It’s frightening because if you’re the only one who knows the truth, your entire family might turn against you. After all, she manipulated them, and she’s lying.
- Fake Empathy
While all of this may sound scary, nothing is more terrifying than fake empathy. True empathy is feeling for others, understanding their pain.
Someone who lacks empathy, due to narcissistic personality disorder, might sometimes feign emotions. They might pretend to be happy for you, or to regret what they’ve done, but it’s not genuine.
The only thing that’s real is their happiness or remorse. And that’s questionable. I know someone I’ve never seen cry. I’ve known him for six years.
The inability to feel emotions during intense moments is terrifying for real people. Without feelings, it’s unpredictable what they might do next.
Subtle Intimidation is scary.
This type of abuse, in my opinion, is one of the most terrifying. Yes, being beaten by a spouse is truly horrifying, don’t get me wrong.
What I mean is that with subtle intimidation, there may come a time when you are physically abused by your spouse. The narcissist may also be physically violent, and it usually escalates over time, starting with psychological abuse.
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When they realize their psychological tactics aren’t working against you, they may resort to physical violence. So, always be vigilant.
I hope these few signs will help you identify the subtle intimidator in your life, so you can always surround yourself with a healthy support system. Always make sure you have at least one person who knows the truth.
May you remain well.
