Society has elaborate, rhyming phrases when it comes to choosing between boyfriends and boyfriends, like “bros before hos” and “chicks before d-s” to name a few.
Despite these useful expressions, most people know that when the relationship between a close friend and your romantic partner sours, choosing a side is considerably more complicated than three-word expressions.
Sometimes it can be difficult to know if you are dealing with an unhealthy relationship or if you have toxic friends.
The truth is that having toxic friends can cause real relationship problems, even in a healthy relationship!
Related: 5 Ways Letting Go Of Your Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life
In a Psychology Today article titled “Could You Be a Toxic Friend?”, Dr. Erin S. Levine describes five signs you can look for to determine whether or not you are a toxic friend.
Looking at yourself is a great place to start when dealing with potentially toxic friendships, but in the interest of taking things seriously and helping you figure out if it’s you, a toxic friendship, or a toxic relationship, we decided to flip the perspective again. around.
And because nothing is ever black and white (except zebras, newspapers, and, well, I digress…) we’ve also included some important exceptions.
Here are five signs your friendship with a toxic person may be poisoning your healthy romantic relationship.
- Your boyfriend makes you feel guilty about making time for your significant other or even being in a relationship
She’s implying, either explicitly or passive-aggressively, that you’re becoming selfish when you can’t devote the same amount of time to her as you used to.
You, in turn, feel exhausted and try to accommodate both her and your partner.
Exception: If you can’t remember the last time you had a one-on-one interview with your girlfriend, she may have a good case against you.
- Your boyfriend repeatedly and unreasonably blames your partner for every problem you have in the relationship, never on you
It’s natural to side with a friend when discussing these issues. Talking with friends is great for defense purposes.
But if all the proposed solutions end with “get rid of them,” or if you feel like you always have to defend your partner from your friend’s attacks, be careful.
There is a chip on your friend’s shoulder that may ultimately affect your perception of your relationship. You don’t want to give up a healthy relationship for a toxic friend.
Exception: If several of your friends are independently saying similar negative things about your love interest, you probably need to wear a different pair of glasses — glasses that aren’t rose-colored.
Related: 13 Inescapable Signs Of A Dead-End, Toxic Relationship
- Your friend forces you to choose between him and your partner
The “it’s me or them” conversation is a warning sign.
It’s a good idea to talk about how your friend feels, but stating it as an ultimatum shows an unwillingness to listen, let alone compromise. This is a big red flag for toxic friendships.
Exception: This construction does not apply to smaller “I or them” decisions such as “Who will you sit next to in the car?” Additionally, if your friend is saying this because he thinks you are in his shoes. Risk, it may be time to take an honest look at your relationship, and maybe even seek help.
- Your boyfriend is making you an outcast for being in a relationship
Among other friends, your best friend often portrays you as an outsider.
They’re planning a girls’ night out and aren’t inviting you. When you confront them about this, they say they assumed you would have a good time with your partner instead.
Exception: Make sure this isn’t a reactionary move because you’re constantly ignoring her and canceling plans in favor of your new love.
- Your friend embarrasses you in front of your partner, and not in a funny “remember that time at summer camp” way?
Do snide comments about your past relationships come out of their mouths at inappropriate times? Do you follow arguments with your lover immediately afterward?
