The Roles We Play in the Narcissist’s Life – Your role in the narcissist’s cult can vary based on how they perceive your usefulness and how effectively you meet their needs.
The narcissist is a strange and complex creature that needs a great deal of attention to survive.
They love to seduce, mislead, coerce, and deceive anyone foolish enough to fall for their deception. But you can’t be blamed if you ever fall in love with someone with narcissistic personality disorder and become part of their love cult. After all, narcissists are master manipulators.
They have many manipulative tools at their disposal, and these elegant and charismatic Snakes will easily draw you into their world to confuse, decompose, belittle, and abuse just to boost their toxic ego.
Master of Mind games
“Narcissists are angry, spiteful keepers who have no empathy, remorse, or conscience. They are incapable of unconditional love. Love for them only gives when it serves them.” Shannon L Alder
A narcissist will intentionally give you a lot of attention and make you feel as if you are on top of the world meeting their own needs. And you won’t be the only person they’ll use to feed their toxic egos.
The narcissist will have a group of people who will serve them and fulfill their every need. And despite feeling like a victim, you will silently play your part in the narcissist’s cult and achieve your goal until it’s too late.
The narcissist needs a steady supply of love, attention, and admiration, and this usually comes from his or her group, followers, and enablers, commonly known as the narcissistic love cult or harem. For them, people are like things, and having a large group of followers is a comfort to them. You are either a source of narcissism or nothing to a narcissist.
Read : Can Narcissists Love? The Psychology of Toxic Relationships
The narcissistic harem
As the narcissist builds a group of people he can use whenever he needs them, these people become part of his harem. It mainly consists of ex-lovers, crushes, followers, fans, potential lovers, enablers, and victims. It may also consist of friends, family, co-workers, other sociopaths, and anyone a narcissist could use for their benefit.
As long as you can make the person with narcissistic personality disorder feel superior, nurture their self-esteem, and give them what they need, you will be part of their cult. The moment you stop being useful, you will instantly be tossed around like broken furniture. Welcome to the narcissistic harem.
However, the narcissist will be very careful about who they choose as a member of their cult. They will often pick on people who give too much and justify the narcissist’s bad behavior. Harem members are usually oblivious to each other because narcissists like to keep things secret. Moreover, it is easier for them to control the harem and its members.
He will not do anything that can disrupt his narcissistic supply. Hence, he is always eager to get rid of people. Unless you are completely useless to them, they will continue to befriend you even though they have screwed you up a million times over. This is how he presents his sect membership.
But as a member, you will not have any benefits or privileges because all the privileges are only for narcissists to enjoy.
However, all members can easily be exchanged and replaced based on what you can do for a narcissist. You will find yourself constantly competing for the narcissist’s attention and proving your worth and value in their harem.
“You are eliminated as a resource for one of two reasons: They find you too vocal about their abuse. They prefer someone who continues to stroke their ego and remains their silent doormat. Or they find a new source of narcissism. Either way, you can count on the fact that they’ve planned your devaluation stage.” And the smear campaign in advance, so they can inflict another psychological blow with your reaction.” Shannon L Alder
What role do you play?
Your role in the narcissistic love cult can vary based on how narcissists perceive your usefulness and how effectively you meet their needs.
Here are 5 common roles that most victims like you unwittingly play in the life and the narcissistic cult of a narcissist.
5 The roles we play in the narcissist’s life
- Newcomer
Love bombing is the narcissist’s secret weapon. It is a technique used by the owners of the harem to groom, brainwash, and condition the organs.
The target of the love bomb will be showered with constant admiration, praise, and attention until the narcissist’s needs are met. It is a practice to shower you with excessive attraction and adoration to manipulate you into becoming addicted to the person with a narcissistic personality disorder.
As cool as it may sound, it’s just a way to control you. When you first enter the narcissist’s cult, this role is assigned to you by default.
Read The Narcissistic Reflection: How Narcissists Manipulate You Into Their Love
The love-struck victim quickly becomes the narcissist’s main focus as the spotlight shines brightly on you. Then you will be considered the best in the harem. During this time, no matter what you do, it will be considered cute, funny, and cool.
When you get all the attention from your sect leader, all the other members will be ignored and shunned. As a result, other narcissistic cult members will become jealous of you and may even try to sabotage your status in the harem.
However, just like any other member, your position will be devalued by the narcissists themselves once you have served your purpose. But your value in worship may go up later based on how helpful you are.
- Right hand
Only a person who shares some of the sociopathic traits such as a narcissist can become their right hand. If you can become partners in crime with a narcissist, your position in the harem will be reserved and secured. However, it is not that easy as your values and beliefs must be aligned with your gang leader. And if you’re a victim of a narcissistic cult leader, you probably won’t fit the role because you’ll need to be ruthless, heartless, and exploitative.
Since right-handers are similar in many ways to a narcissist, they are not easily replaceable, at least as long as they are useful. Since they usually become the longtime MVPs of the harem, they tend to become the narcissist’s best friend. They help the narcissist plot, exploit, and deceive new victims to boost their leader’s ego.
- The Passionate Shepherd
A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally speaking, narcissists are like brick walls that see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or empathy for others. Having empathy, the narcissist is a very destructive and very dangerous person.” – Matthew Sole
If you are empathetic, empathetic, emotional and unable to grasp the truth, this role will be assigned to you. As a member of a narcissistic harem, you will experience a strange trauma relationship with your leader just like someone with Stockholm Syndrome.
Caretakers are often delusional in that they are manipulated into believing that the narcissist actually cares for them. To them, the narcissist is a hero and a great person who needs a little love and admiration. Hence, caregivers do their best to “fix” the person with narcissistic personality disorder without realizing that it is a futile attempt that is costing them their emotional and mental health.
Empathic caretakers are very important to a narcissist because they help feed his huge ego and they are often naive. Caretakers play an important role in the harem as they help attract and detain newcomers to the harem. Moreover, they also help create the illusion that the narcissist is a loving, caring, and charitable person.
Read How To Cope With A Toxic And Estranged Family Relationship: 11 Tips
- Dedicated enabler
The ride-or-die enablers will support the narcissist and their manipulative ways just to be a part of their lives even though this may harm or endanger them. These members advocate and protect the narcissist regardless of their excessive need for attention, sense of entitlement, lack of accountability or anyone they might harm. They can do the narcissist’s dirty work by shutting down those who seek justifications from the narcissist and even punishing those who are deserving according to their leader.
The enablers also act as “flying monkeys” to harass, ridicule and bully anyone who could pose a threat to their cult leader. These dedicated enablers can be a romantic partner, friend, sibling, parent, spouse, victim, or anyone else.
- The unfortunate scapegoat
Finally, the scapegoat is the worst role you can play in a cult. This unlucky person is the specific target of all the mental and emotional torture and punishment put forth by the narcissist and his cult members. When you are the emotional punching bag, you will be harassed, abused, and picked on in various ways.
Techniques such as triangulation, smear campaigns, bullying, gassing, projection, and name calling will be used to break you down and abuse you. You will be neglected and humiliated over and over again in front of the other members until you become an emotional wreck.
However, you can also idealize and start receiving praise and attention again as the focus shifts to someone else and you are seen as helpful based on the whims of the narcissist. Thus, any member of the sect could become a scapegoat at any time.
You are never enough for a narcissist
“The sooner you distance yourself, the healthier you will become. Narcissism cannot be cured or prayed for. It is a mental disorder that turns abuse victims into mental patients because it causes so much psychological manipulation.” Shannon L Alder
If you feel trapped in a narcissistic harem, start by becoming aware of reality. Take a good look at your narcissist and see them for who they are. They are emotionally immature people who get their kicks by manipulating and controlling people. For the narcissist, you are just an object for them to use, play with, and eventually get rid of when they get bored with you.
No matter what you do, you can never be good enough for them. However dedicated you are to make your narcissist happy, they will always have someone else in their harem to boost their ego.
Even though you’re a great person, they always want more. This will come from someone else. This is why they have a narcissistic supply.
The only thing you can do to defeat the narcissistic leader is to stop playing their game and cancel your membership in their disgusting cult immediately.
