The narcissist has wronged you many times.

Maybe they’ve insulted you, tarnished your reputation, or completely destroyed your self-esteem. And somehow, they continue to get away with their horrible behavior.

Even when things seem to be getting better, you may feel like you’re walking on eggshells. It’s like they can change their mood or behavior at any moment, and you always feel like you’re five steps behind them.

In either case, you want to get revenge on the narcissist. You want to force the narcissist to break down. You want them to feel some of the pain you’ve endured. They’ve made you feel miserable, and now you want them to feel miserable in return.

But is your desire to get revenge on the narcissist smart? Moreover, is it possible? Let’s take a look at what hurts a narcissist and why seeking revenge is not advisable.

WhyWantRevengeOnANarcissist?

It’s important to do some self-reflection when you want to hurt a narcissist.

What’s going on inside you? Do you feel trapped or alone in your struggles? Does it feel like things will never get better?

Have you experienced narcissistic abuse?

Take some time to reflect on your intentions. It’s natural to seek revenge when we feel helpless, vulnerable, or unsure about how to move forward. It’s also natural to want to hurt the people who hurt us.

No one likes to feel like they’re being manipulated. We tend to seek revenge because we think it will give us a sense of justice. We also think it might help us heal from the pain we’ve endured.

Related : How Does a Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You?

However, it’s important to remember that revenge has limited benefits. Research suggests that revenge feels rewarding for the first few moments.

But after that, the reward quickly wears off, leaving you feeling even more upset and resentful. You might then turn to punishing yourself because you feel guilty about seeking revenge.

What Hurts a Narcissist?

As surprising as it may seem, narcissists are extremely sensitive. They have a fragile ego, and they spend a great deal of time and energy protecting that ego.

But people rarely see their insecurities because narcissists expend so much energy acting like they’re better than everyone else. They hide their insecurities by trying to convince everyone how great they really are.

It’s no secret that narcissists love attention. So, any lack of attention can be detrimental to their well-being. So what hurts them?

1. Public Humiliation

Humiliation is one of the greatest antidotes to narcissistic behavior. Narcissists hate being embarrassed. There’s nothing more shameful than when others realize their fraudulent intentions.

But narcissists don’t accept negative feedback. Instead, they often:

Turn on others in an attempt to humiliate them.
They blame others or situations for their incompetence or stupidity.

They convince others that they are victims of their circumstances.

They ruthlessly defend their behavior (no matter how ridiculous it may seem).

2. Rejection

Narcissists can’t understand why anyone would reject them. Rejection hurts, but instead of looking inward, they tend to attack others. A narcissist may react to rejection by:

Trying to rally others to reject the other person.

Wasting excessive time and energy trying to make the other person feel miserable
Pretending the rejection never happened
Bombarding the other person with reasons why they need to reconsider the rejection
Excessively defending their actions

3. Losing Control

Narcissists feel the need to control almost every situation. Control makes them feel safe—it’s what gives them power and authority over their lives (and the lives of others).

When they feel like they’re losing control, they often:

Engage in whatever tactics they can to regain control.

They blame others for causing them distress or upset.

They convince others that they are victims of unfair circumstances.

They become physically violent to maintain a sense of power.

They use threats or other aggressive language to get what they want.

4. Losing

It’s no secret that narcissists hate losing. Losing implies that someone or something might be better than them, and that reality often seems completely unacceptable.

When a narcissist loses, they may react in a number of extreme ways, including:

Blaming another person or outside situation for the unfair circumstances.

Pretending as if they are still the winner.

Convincing others that the “judge” or situation was incompetent or unfair.

Excessively humiliating the winner or other bystanders.

5. Someone Else’s Feelings

Narcissists focus on themselves. Other feelings are just minutiae. They distract and get in the way of them getting what they want. When narcissists encounter someone else’s feelings, they often react by:

Telling you that you’re overreacting.
Explaining how you feel instead.
Convincing you that no one else cares about what you’re going through.
Finding a reason to insult or criticize you for how you feel.

You might consider engaging in one of these tactics if you want to get revenge. Since you know they’re effectively hurting the narcissist, they’re tempted to. Let’s look at why this mindset is rarely effective.

Why does revenge tend to make things worse?

When you’re interacting with a narcissist, the narcissist notices your intentions. They see that they’ve elicited a strong response from you, which tends to cause more problems.

You May Put Yourself at Risk

Angry narcissists can become extremely impulsive and even violent. When they don’t get what they want, they tend to do anything to regain their power.

Unfortunately, narcissists also do a great job of convincing others that they’re great. So, you run the risk of not being believed if they hurt you.

They May Respond with Words That Are Ten Times Stronger

You might think that mocking, laughing at, or insulting them would puncture their seemingly flawless system. However, narcissists are unable to accept and reconcile feedback. Instead, they’re likely to redouble their efforts to hurt you.

In doing so, they may bring up every issue they have with you (and even invent some!). The goal here is cruel: you tried to hurt them, and they’ll make you pay for it.

You’ll feel the guilt they never felt

Narcissists lack empathy and concern for others. They don’t understand how their actions affect others. So when they hurt you, they don’t really realize it hurts them!

While seeking revenge may feel good for a moment, you may feel intense guilt, shame, and self-loathing afterwards.

These feelings are good—they show that you’re not a narcissist or a psychopath! But they make seeking revenge a relatively pointless endeavor.

They’ll Still Act Like a Victim

If you seek revenge (and succeed), the narcissist won’t think about how to change their behavior. Instead, the new story will be rooted in how awful and evil you are.

For example, let’s say you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist and you leave them for someone else.

This may hurt the narcissist, no doubt, but they won’t reveal their pain. Instead, they’ll tell the world how untrustworthy you are, how insensitive you are, or how they always knew you’d leave.

In other words, the narcissist stays protected. They do everything they can to make you look like the bad guy. Unfortunately, their strategies often work.

What’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist?

If you want to know how to hurt a narcissist, it helps to remember that the worst thing is also the simplest thing. Of course, simple doesn’t mean easy, and many people find this advice very difficult.

We know that narcissists rely on validation and attention to get their needs met. They need people to adore them to feel important. When you’re frustrated with a narcissist, it’s natural to want to “get back at them.”

However, the worst thing you can do is do nothing. And by nothing, that means you don’t acknowledge them. Don’t criticize them, correct them, or try to change them. Don’t do anything at all.

Ignoring a narcissist can seem difficult. They are, after all, experts at probing and manipulating people. They engage in a variety of tactics designed to elicit a response.

But ignoring their behavior essentially shuts down any empowerment. It sends a powerful message that you don’t care about what they say or do. To a narcissist, your lack of interest is more damaging than your dislike of the behavior. This is what drives a narcissist crazy.

CanYouOutmaneuverANarcissist?

Yes. Outmaneuvering a narcissist can happen when you decide to stop playing their games. When you stop playing the same game, you no longer have to abide by their pre-established rules or tricks.

OutmaneuveringANarcissist often means:

Knowing your own boundaries.
Respecting and honoring your own integrity.
Refusing to enable narcissistic behavior by ignoring it.

Consider taking a no-contact approach if you decide to end the relationship.

With that in mind, you probably can’t outmaneuver a narcissist if you continue to engage in your familiar dynamic. They won’t respond well to you arguing or thinking about their behavior. If you resist, they tend to become more reactive and explosive.

Related : Why Do Narcissists Have a Golden Child and Scapegoat Child?

If anything, these strategies simply add fuel to their chaotic intentions. Once they engage with you, they can increase their hateful behavior.

Getting over a narcissist is not the same as getting revenge on a narcissist; it means you choose to stand aside. You don’t continue to argue. You don’t continue to hope that they will grow or change. Finally, you let go of the expectation that the narcissist will ever recognize their behavior.

This insight can be incredibly painful. However, it is an important step toward moving forward in your recovery.

How to Get Revenge on a Narcissist with Low or No Communication

If you are truly ready to let go of the relationship, you may be willing to take the low or no communication approach. At first, these strategies may seem harsh. You may want to trade off, excuse, or even tolerate the narcissist’s behavior.

But if nothing changes, nothing changes. You may still feel the same anger, frustration, and sadness.

Detachment

Detachment means limiting your interactions and efforts in the relationship. You will need to set firm boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate.

For example, you may decide that you will not talk to the narcissist about your feelings. Instead, you will only engage in small talk about the weather or other normal current events. You may also set limits on how often and where you interact with the narcissist.

It is not advisable to tell the narcissist about these plans. If you do, he or she will likely harass you with questions or insults. He or she will try to justify his or her behavior and convince you to change your mind.

Many people prefer to take a low-communication approach when no-communication seems too stressful.

It may be best to approach your child’s other parent, close family members, or coworkers and bosses.

Some people start with a low-communication approach before progressing to a no-communication approach.

Detachment

Detachment means exactly what it sounds like. You avoid all contact with the other person. If he or she contacts you, do not respond. If he bombards you with a million emails or texts, don’t respond.

In other words, he basically ceases to exist. You cut him out of your life entirely. This is the most extreme approach you can take. However, it also tends to be the most effective if you want to move on with your life.

Final Thoughts on Getting Revenge on a Narcissist

While it’s tempting to want to get revenge on a narcissist, these emotional strategies rarely work.

First, revenge rarely makes people feel satisfied for more than a few moments.

Furthermore, revenge doesn’t take away the pain you endured during the relationship. It doesn’t ease the frustration, sadness, or confusion you feel.

Instead, focus on living your life. Focus on finding your happiness, your sense of fulfillment, and your love. This approach, inadvertently, offers the best form of revenge.